I cannot tell you how over the moon I am. Seriously, I am stupid excited that I finally GET IT!!! WooHoo!!!
I get that in order to be healthy, TRULY healthy, you have to eat. Like, enough to fuel your life. And you need to MOVE, and lift things that weigh a LOT. And its ALL GOOD!!!
I have been incredibly emotional this past week. Mostly because I have finally found what I have been searching for for so many years...PEACE WITH MYSELF.
You see, disordered eating, constant *dieting* or restricting, trying to eat to fit some sort of dogma or spiritual bruhaha...yeah, no. I was startving myself without even realizing it. I was starving my brain, my body and my soul. I *thought* I was some sort of zen package of awesomesauce, eating raw, or vegan or *enter clean eating/blahblahblah here* and I was SO far off base...
In the last 2+ weeks I ate REAL food. 3 meals in a day MOST days, or 2 meals and a few big snacks...lots of protien, veggies, carbs(omg) chocolate(of course) FATS(eeek!) wine(duh) I drank some green smoothies because I WANTED them, my body craved them...not because I had to or omg-I-am-not-clean-enough...
Though my weight has actually gone back up I am ok with it. Because I proved to myself that by eating I feel better, have more energy, am happier, can sleep better, do more, lift more, run more...need I SAY more? :) I also know that I will lose the weight my body does not need as I build muscle. And let me tell you about my muscle...I have always coveted shoulders. Guess who has them? Oh, yeah...that's right. Calves? Yep. Honkin' biceps? Hell yeah...I am eyeballing the tractor tire down the road and wondering if the house its at will let me take it so I can move it around my yard. :)
This past few weeks has LITERALLY changed my life. When I set out to become a Personal Trainer, I knew it was because I wanted to help people, specifically women, who had battled years of basically what I have gone through...but I was still going through it so how the hell was THAT going to work? Then the Universe dropped a few choice internet *saviors* into my life, along with me FINALLY commiting to the long slow distance and now I not only have the clarity on HOW I can help others, more importantly I got the clartity on how to help myself...who knew?
Now, I am doing 5 days a week of weight training which I add to weekly. I am running 50-60mpw average, which I expect will change as the weather warms and I get even stronger and leaner...but the biggest blessing to me is how I FEEL. I have NEVER in my adult life(aside from perhaps when I was pregnant) felt comfortable in my own skin. Even though I have a ways to go to get where I want to be, I am starting to feel comfortable NOW. And by golly...it is nothing short of amazing. :)