Raw~Vegan~Runner

Me. Unabridged.

2012-01-31T10:10:00.000-05:00

Forever, I have been a *fixer*. Even when I was a kid, I wanted to fix. I can remember in school, I was the person people wanted to tell their problems to. Even to this day, people I don't even know that well, will tell me their life story. Its cool, actually, as I used to want to be a psychologist(and a hair dresser, but that's a tale for another day) I really enjoyed the fact people felt they could trust me, and felt comfortable enough with me to tell me their tales, stories, and *brain dump* as it were. I have always tried to listen and offer advice, support, and empathy. I am a fixer though, and mostly if someone comes to me with a *problem* I want to offer a solution, to fix whatever is wrong. Not always possible, as really the only person that can fix a problem in your life is *you* but sometimes simply having someone as a sounding board is as important as having a solution.( I have WONDERFUL sounding boards, and y'all know who you are, and you ROCK) I am what I call a verbal thinker. I *HAVE* to hear my thoughts. I cannot process things in my head, I need to talk through whatever is going on, to make it real, so to speak, so I can come up with a solution. I am not one to collect dust, if I have an issue no matter what it is, I allow for a set period of wallowing, then I get proactive. I am not one to sit in my own sh*t, I simply don't see the benefit in that. Though I know we all have free will, it annoys they hell out of me to see someone do that. If you are going to complain about it, you darn well better act on it. Sort of why I get so soap-box-y about GM foods, et al...I am trying to get the word out there, its something that deeply bothers me and I am trying to do anything and everything I can as one person to *fix* it.

In my life, I have been a Jane-of-all-trades. I have had many jobs, none have even been close to connected, lol, and in fact I am surprised I got one job to the next as I tended to go into a job with NO experience, and people just gave me a chance. I am SO grateful for all those *chances* as I have had some awesome experiences, learned a lot, and had many experiences I would not have otherwise had. I have always felt the *knowing* that I needed to be in some sort of helping profession, and have done a helping sort of job several times(including now, as I am a part time PCA) I know this is my Path, as I keep getting pulled back to it no matter how far I stray...

Part of this is what is going on now. I am very much being pulled in a direction to help again. I have had people contact me about diet, exercise, training...having thought before about doing some sort of coaching, etc I feel like I am coming full circle. I also have 2 books in various stages on my laptop that need finishing...so after some thought and prayer I came to the realization that the best step for me at this point would be to get my PT certification, along with my Sports/Fitness Nutrition Cert. I am certified as a Raw Food Coach, which means I can teach the diet, cooking, etc but that is very specific, and really I do not believe that a raw vegan diet is for everyone...it is a lifestyle you have to choose and feel committed to. That, and people are obsessed with the letters that follow your name...

I feel VERY strongly about helping people achieve health. There is so much knowledge out there and the fact of the matter is, it is totally overwhelming and time consuming to look into everything. It has been my life mission, so to speak, for the last 10 years and I know where to look and how to filter through the BS, I can read medical websites easily, locate what I need and I enjoy that stuff. It isn't for everyone, not everyone has the time or desire to educate them self in that way...but they still need the knowledge...enter ME ;) My desire is to be a PT, etc to be able to help people achieve HEALTH. I am not about going to a gym and getting people all buff on weights and pills, or *coaching* people through some creepy weight loss scheme, its about TOTAL health, addressing the WHOLE person, physical, mental, emotional...what is keeping them from reaching their desired outcome, an then helping them find a way to get there. I don't want to be someone's crutch, I want to simply be a tool in that person finding their OWN way, and living the healthy life they desire AND deserve. I believe I can do this. I am very passionate about this, and hope to spread that passion to to others. Time will tell, I guess... :)

In the mean time, people will have to continue to put up with my soap box, or you can block me, lol. I don't plan on getting off of it any time soon. :)

In other news...I am pretty happy with my training, running has been pretty great, mileage is steady and the lack of real winter weather has been kind of cool as I can run decent mileage every week. I am hoping that since I have increased my base mileage, that my ability to race/run 50k/50m will and finish quicker and easier will improve. I do not have any official races until April so time will tell. I am not planning on doing any *real* long runs until March, but more continuing with my increased base building and strength training. Hopefully the lack of winter here means I can start riding my bike sooner, as I definitely want to incorporate biking in as my cross training. Hoping that between my increased miles and then adding biking to the mix , my endurance will increase and I will be able to run longer without *feeling* it as early :) We'll see...I am an experiment of one, as are all us crazy Ultra-runners, lol.

Speaking of running... ;)

Frankenfoods.

2012-01-24T09:46:00.001-05:00

Looking forward to an awesome 10 miler today in the HEAT as it is a blazing 50 degrees here already...at 8am. Hello, January in New England.

But first...Frankenfoods. You know, the stuff they sell in the grocery store and pass off as food to us? The foods they are NOW finding out causes cancer, reproductive issues, and a whole host of other issues in lab rats, but no warning label is put on these foods that we unknowingly ingest? Yep, THAT stuff. But here is what triggered my irritation...

Yesterday, JD went up to ski with his friend. His mom works at the mountain, so it is an awesome set-up. The boys can ski alone, and check in with his mom once in a while, plus they come in and have lunch with her. Well, she very nicely and unknowingly got extra stuff for the boys for lunch- pizza and french fries...both favorites of JD. He brought his own lunch, but also had some pizza and fries. By the time he got home, it had already started. He was peckish and short, having trouble with impulse control, he was starting to get irritable, yelling...by the time his friend left, and I found out what happened, we were bordering meltdown. He was in that *crawling out of your skin* stage, which rapidly led to a complete meltdown, hysterical crying, losing of ones sh*t...good times. Meanwhile, we had to go to dog training class, and I am wondering how the hell I am going to fix this. Luckily I was able to get him reeled in, and we were able to talk, he calmed down, ate something safe, took some enzymes and seemed better. The *fixing* took the better part of 2 hours.

*I*almost had a meltdown. I know I am incredibly lucky that his ASD is not worse. He is in fact, high functioning. I am blessed, as I know that others are not as lucky, and have a much harder road to travel. But, that doesn't mean I am still not suffering. I believe ASD have some genetic players...there are definitely people on both side of our family that have had or do have *syndroms* that fall under the umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorders, so I am not shocked to have a child on the spectrum. Its a big umbrella. I do get a bit irritated when people tell me he is fine, or they don't *see* what is wrong with him, as if I am crazy, making this up, etc. I live with this child, I have watched him for the past 10 years and even if I didn't have a diagnostic report upwards of 15 pages long detailing exactly what is/isn't wrong with him, I would know there was something wrong. When he was a baby, he didn't like to be held. He wanted to be left alone, prefering to sit alone and take it all in as opposed to being snuggled. He didn't cry alot, but when he did there was NO soothing him. The kid could scream for hours(and did). He was a late talker, but EI said he was *too smart* to have services. He was very mechanical from an early age and liked to have things a certian way. Then the tantrums started. He was probably around 3 or so and this lasted YEARS...full on, uncontrollable meltdowns that would sometimes require a full body restraint for up to 45 mins...no idea what triggered them, as he could not tell us and we could not figure it out. It was usually something mild, something was out of place, off, etc. He obsessed about everything. Asked the same questions over and over and over. We could not stray from the routine without issue. Noises, smells, foods all became an issue. Crowds and certian situations completely overwhelmed him. We became masters at reading him to know when he had become overstimulated so we could get him home before he lost it (and he often did). But, because people didn't *see* this, they thought he was fine. People had/have NO idea how hard we worked and still do to make sure he has positive social experiences. We do whatever it takes to keep him from losing it in public- Hubby will take him for a walk, we will leave a place, have him go somewhere by himself to regroup, etc...sometimes we can take him off privately so he melts down with us, and we can get him regrouped and go back to wherever we were...we know he can't help it as he just does not have the same coping mechanisms. Things that seem fine to most people completely overstimulate him. This is just a fact. I find myself very resentful of people who try to insinuate otherwise. Until you have walked a mile in our shoes...

We found out he had a bazillion food allergies, autoimmune stuff, possible Lyme exposure, etc...but it wasn't until he was 7 that we finally had him evaluated by a behavior specialist(MD). That is when we found out. I was happy my MIL could go with me as her silent moral support was priceless(I am hoping she can go to the re-eval with me) She diagnosed him with Autistic Disorder. This is a high functioning cross between Aspergers and Autism. He does not have enough traits of either to be one or the other, but has enough traits of BOTH to be *something*. He also has a learning disability with reading, which is very common with kids on the spectrum.

So, I did what I always do. I researched. I read every book I could get my hands on. And then, we went on. I knew I would still homeschool him despite the Dr. saying he should get into a *program*. I wanted him to have the best shot at a normal life as possible, and for now, I felt like we could give him that. This is not to say we are opposed to any services, its just we don't feel we are at that point yet, and honestly, I know there are people with kids that need those services and monies WAY more than we do and I certinaly do not want to take that from someone who has a higher need. So, for now we manage. I work with him school-wise at whatever level he is at and though he is behind in reading, he is ahead by at least a grade in math, and he is no more difficult to educate than the other 2 kids when he is stable. If he is in a *cycle* yes, it is more of a challenge, but hopefully we are getting a handle on that with diet changes.

Which leads me to my rant...
I am absolutely SEETHING over the fact that our food supply is so f*cked up. I get that MAYBE some peope are not affected by the foods out there(but really, I think they are in denial and unaware...but that is another topic for another day) but for the bulk of people who are predisposed to allergies, who have autoimmune issues(as simple as seasonal allergies, asthma, etc), who are on the spectrum, have MH issues, these frankenfoods we are being fed are making our lives HELL. Does anyone think its odd that the incidence of food allergies has gone up MARKEDLY in the last decade? Why do you think that is? Could it be that our food supply has been altered and now our body does not know what to do with that food? Of course not. Grrr...It pisses me off that a food that SHOULD be safe and harmless, WHEAT for cripes sake, is causing such a severe reaction in my child(and many others). The fact that this is an acceptable practice blows my mind. Do people even realize that genetically modified foods were NEVER tested to see if they were safe for human consumption? And NOW they are finding out that GM corn and wheat by-products cause cancer, reproductive issues, etc? YET PEOPLE CONTINUE TO EAT THEM!!!! Seriously? Are we really that naive? Do you think *it won't happen to me...*...really? When I have to watch my stable child spiral out of control because he had a slice of TOAST....you have NO idea...

Another tidbit about wheat for you...gluten crosses the blood-brain barrier. This means that guten(protien) can get into your brain causing a chemical reaction similar to the effect you would have if you took morphine. For some, this resuts in that *carb coma* you get, or the feel good sensation of eating a bowl of pasta. For others, this will induce a drug-like reaction similar to an addiciton resulting in the need for more and more gluten to feed the need. Hence the *starch and cheese* diet of many kids on the spectrum, and other people who are particularly sensitive. This is scientifically proven, and they took it one step further and gave people Naltrexone to block the opiate receptors in their brains...and the affects of the wheat/gluten was halted. Naltrexone is a drug normally given to people for drug/opiate addiction or when they come into the ER high as kites...it is also the same drug I take. (in a MUCH smaller dose, for my Lyme Disease...interesting.)

But, as long as people continue to choose to ignore the facts, or think this isn't going to affect them, or simply choose to not care, the longer this can go on and the worse it will get. Our food supply will continue to get more and more corrupt until WE stop this. If you don't buy frankenfoods, they can't sell them. If we ONLY buy organic, non-GM, REAL foods, then that is what will be sold. Supply and demand. Even if you just support companies that don't use GM foods! I am not saying everyone has to jump on the vegan raw food bandwagon(though it wouldn't hurt, lol) but just don't support companies that use GM products. Don't buy non-organic milk or eggs. Don't buy commercial meat. The more people who demand real food, the more companies will have to step up to the plate and supply it.

I get that Monsanto and the like are huge companies. Clearly they do not have children on the spectrum, someone suffering from cancer, autoimmune disease, allergies, etc. if they did, maybe they would care more about the harm they are causing than the money in their pockets. I hope I am not ever left alone in a room with any one of them. I fear the police would be involved. I am not kidding. Altering a food supply is akin to terrorism in my book. Call me over the top, but years from now when we have a nation full of people sick from preventable cancers, and autoimmune diseases, food allergies and reactions it could be too late. Oh, but then the big pharma could come in with drugs to save us all! Oh, they things we have to look forwards to. Not.

Here is a list of NON-GM food companies. Print it and take it with you when you go to the store. ONLY buy these products. Also, organic products which are labeled as such cannot knowingly use a GM ingredient so those can be considered genrally safe...though we know even organic wheat is NOT non-GM, under MOST circumstances, org = non-GM. Peaceful protest.

http://www.NonGMOShoppingGuide.com

/end rant...for now.

Eat for Life

2012-01-23T09:33:00.000-05:00

On the tail of mysoap-box rant over the weekend, I thought I would follow up with some more tips.

Many peope who decide they are going to eat better and reclaim their health use some sort of *system* ie Weight Watchers, etc, that has a plan based loosely on your caloric intake vs your output. I think any of these programs(that do NOT require you to purchase their food, or offer it as an option, not mandatory)are pretty good as they teach you portion control, have you *counting down* your servings of food throughout the day, and you get bonus points for exercise. The downside of these programs is, as far as I know, they are not run by anyone with any medical or nutritional knowledge. Therefor if you have ANY sort of medical condition, dietary restriction, etc they cannot adequately advise you. Nor can they recommend any sort of exercise program. But, for the average person, they are ok, as long as one follows that up with their own research and awareness of nutrition, exercise, etc.The only downside is there is usually some sort of fee. Eh, I don't know how I feel about that. If you need that to hold your feet to the fire, ok. But, if you are genuinely going to make lifestyle changes that are permanent, you need to do this for you, not because Jenny Craig is watching...

Another option that is not only free but I have used it and I think it is fantastic it a site called Fitday. http://www.fitday.com This site allows you to plug in everything you eat and it gives you a nutritional breakdown of ALL foods. The reason I like this site(actually there are several) is because it tells you the actual nutrition content of your food, your carbs vs protien vs fat, etc, it also allows you to plug in all your stats INCLUDING your measurements and has a way for you to track them, AND it gives you a base calorie expenditure for the day, and will add to that any calories spent exercising. You can pick your activity and even add in things like cleaning your house(which I don't, I sort of count that under my daily activity level)

The bottom line is in order to lose weight your input must be less than your output. Then when you have reached your goal weight your input must equal your output. It really is as easy as that. This site makes that VERY easy to figure out, AND allows you to see what you are eating, how you are balancing things nutritionally and know what is working and what isn't. For example....I have entered that I am 5'6' and weigh 130lbs. I have listed that I am moderately active before adding in my exercise. This gives me a base calore requirement of 2300 cals/day that I need to eat in order to maintain my weight. If I add in a run, that brings me up to over 3000cal/day I need to consume. So, if I wanted to lose weight, I would need to either burn more calories or eat less. If I was moderately overweight, I would probably take my base requirement and deduct from there, and I would say it would be safe to reduce by 500 cals, which equates to 1lb a week. Add to that any exercise I do and that is how I would lose weight. Healthy diet staying within my caloric requirements, exercise, results. Period. Realistically, if I stuck to a clean, whole foods diet of 1800 calories, plus my running which averages 700+ calories burned per day I could lose 2-3lbs a week of WEIGHT, not water, which is a healthy weight loss.

Right now, I need to use this site for the opposite reason, lol, as I do not consume 3000 cals a day and I should really monitor my intake as I am fairly certian I am not eating enough. I really love this site as the research geek in me loves to be able to see the ENTIRE nutritional breakdown in my foods including vitamins and minerals, and was able to use this to prove that a raw vegan diet is as healthy if not moreso than a standard american diet :) I put my food intake in for yesterday and came in under 2000 cals which is definitely not enough. I was also very busy, and when I am busy I tend to not eat. I did not feel hungry, but I really do need to consume more calories. I also like the fact that with this site, you can customize your own nutritional goals. So, if I wanted to do the raw 80-10-10 eating plan, I could set it up that way. Yesterday, I ate half carbs, half fat and a fraction of protien. Now, I don't typically eat that much fat in a day, but I had run longer/harder the past few days and so I ate extra fat(nuts) to keep my weight from dropping. Raw food, and a vegan diet that consists of whole foods is, by nature, very low in calories but high in nutrition. Despite the fact I did not consume enough calories, based on what I ate I was WELL over the RDA in almost everything except B12, D and Calcium. I ate 84% of the RDA for protien(and with not a lick of meat! Go figure!) and whatever was not OVER the RDA came close to 100%. Think if I had eaten more calories! I would have been BURSTING with nutrition, lol!

So, I highly recommend this site, bottom line. It offers the biggest bang for your buck(which is awesome as it is free) and is very user friendly, and seems to me to be fairly accurate. Even if you aren't going to use it regularly, try it for a week or 2 and HONESTLY add in everything you eat vs. your exercise and see what it shows. It can give you a great starting point, as you can see where you are at and what needs improvement. It gives you a better picture of your overall nutrition, which should be right up there with the reason you are trying to lose weight/be healthy anyways. Even if you are NOT overweight, this is a fantastic tool to fine tune your diet for better health. Check it out. :)

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is...

2012-01-21T10:59:00.001-05:00

So, I have decided to do do a few posts to put my money where MY mouth is :) I blather on and on about eating right and diet/exercise so I am going to put some info out there. The recent onslaught of garbage on FB with these body wrap weight-loss scams, along with the GM info, etc, etc has brought my soapbox level to an all time high. And, since this is my blog and I can vent if I want to ;) I am going to.

First off...weight loss scams.

For years I have been telling various peope in my life that these *scams* are, well, scams. Fat burners, appetite surpressants, pills, wraps, meal replacements....all chemicals and *suppements* used to trick your body into doing something it is currently not doing, at best, and will do absolutely nothing, at worst. Just because it is labeled *all natural* does not mean it is good for you or safe. Herbs CAN still be dangerous. Basically, ALL of these products prey on people's desire for a *quick fix* or results that cannot realistically be achieved either at all or in the timeframe people would like them to be. For example:

Metabolizm boosters. ANYTHING that increases your metabolism unnaturally is taxing your adrenal glands. This is bad. Forcing your adrenal glands to work in a way that is akin to being under constant stress will result in adrenal fatigue. Adrenal fatigue causes weight gain, fatigue, hair loss, amongst other things. So, either you will need to continue to take these *boosters* in potentially higher quantities, as eventually they will not work, or you will just crash. It takes a long time to recover from adrenal fatigue. Adrenal failure is worse. You don't want that.

Fat burners. Really? You believe a pill is going to specifically make your body burn fat? I have some land and a bridge...Also, in this catagory would be the wraps that make you lose weight. Seriously...yes, you are going to lose WATER weight, and you very well may detox some, but to think that if you wrap your body in saran wrap for 40 mins with some herbs smeared on yourself and think you will drop 5lbs of fat...it is not physically possible! Seriously! Let's use our brains here, shall we?

Meal replacements. Shakes. Etc. Basically they are chemical factories. The meal replacements whether in shake form or some frankenfood packaged product ...have you read the ingredients? Loaded with chemicals and probably things you have never heard of nor should be ingesting. Most have some form of the above mentioned *stuff* in them as well. Again, targeted at people who are desperate, and easy money will be made off of them.

Preformance Enhancing Drugs. I am not talking about steroids here, I am talking about the *legal* stuff...ginsing, caffiene, guarana, etc. I suppose one can argue that SOME of the PED out there are safe in moderation, but to RELY on them is simply foolish. Why wouldn't you want to preform based on your own merits and training? Why would you want to use some drug/supplement to boost your preformance? I can see maybe wanting a little extra kick, like you might get from an extra cup of coffee, and I certianly understand how people doing prolonged endurance events need that boost late in the game but do you need do toss back some chem factory Pump-Me-Up drink or pill to go work out for an hour? Really? If so, you may want to look at why. Perhaps its your diet...

Bottom line to all this is we have become a quick fix society. We are fat, unhealthy and out of shape. We are constantly multitasking, yet lazy. So, when it comes to health and fitness...the faster/quicker/easier the better. Why plan out a healthy meal plan of wholesome homemade foods, exercise more, maintain an active lifestyle, etc when you can pop a few pills, wrap yourself in saran wrap and eat a box of *food* and MAGICALLY shed all that unwanted weight? Guess what? VERY few people have ANY success with that. Why do you think the diet industry is SO huge? Why do you think there is a new diet product/wrap/pill/drink out every week? Because they DON'T WORK. If they did, people would use them, have success and go on with their lives.

Ask ANYONE who has lost weight and got in shape and STAYED that way how they did it. I guarantee MOST will tell you they ate REAL food, worked their a$$ off and changed their lifestyle. That is because that is the ONLY thing that is going to work. I am not saying any one of the gimmicks out there won't work, I am sure any one of them, followed to a T will work...but it isn't something that is designed for LIFE, it is most likey a quick fix. Instant gratification. If you are the kind of person who can use those things as a jumping off point to get you satrted and motivated and then you SWITCH to a healthy lifestyle of a balanced diet and exercise, that is super. But do not for a second think that Slim Fast shakes are going to help you lose weight and keep it off unless you plan on drinking them for breakfast and lunch for the rest of your life. Never mind the fact that MOST of the product out there are indeed chemical factories and who knows what sort of ramafications you will have to deal with from them.

So, what to do?

Here's a few thoughts. And, before anyone gets all PO'd at me, I HAVE been overweight in my life. I was overweight after my 3rd child was born and could NOT lose the weight despite what I believed were my best efforts. I learned a lot along the way, and am now a healthy weight and stay there easily.
So, thoughts....

If you have the desire to lose weight and get healthy that is awesome. The first thing you should consider is why. Why do you want to lose weight/get fit/healthy? If you are doing it for anyone but yourself, you are destined for failure. You must want this for YOU. The next thing you should consider is how commited you are. Are you willing to make major lifestyle changes? Are you willing to make changes that you will need to maintain for the rest of your life? If not, you may not be ready. If you are not fit/healthy right now, clearly either you have something medical going on OR you are doing something wrong. Sounds harsh, but its true. I was not going to lose any weight by consuming my weight in sugar every day. It simply was not going to happen. When I was an overweight teen, I did not lose weight by continuing to eat pounds of chocolate daily, along with any other white starch product we had in our house(before dinner, of course). You have to be ready and willing to make a PERMANENT lifestyle change.

If you do not exercise, start. Pick something you genuinely ENJOY! Do not pick something because you think it will make you loose weight faster. If you don't enjoy it, you won't keep doing it. Pick something that raises your heartrate for at least 30 minutes, 5 days a week. Yoga is awesome, but it isn't aerobic. Walking is a fabulous workout, but the speed you walk through a mall at isn't going to cut it. You need to WALK with some conviction! :) Swimming is great as it doesn't tax your joints at all, but you need to SWIM...*wading* is not swimming. Some sort of strength training or weight lifting is ideal also as not only will you get stronger, but muscle burns more calories than fat :) You don't have to join a gym, you can pick up a couple of dumbbells or a kettlebell at Walmart, get a few exercise bands or use your own body weight as resistance. Also, rather than using the scale as a way to monitor your physical gains, take measuements of all your key body parts. That is a MUCH better gage of what you are doing as muscle is heavier and denser...but it takes up less space(unless you are trying to get bigger...then ignore this, lol)You may notice inches lost when the pounds aren't moving as fast.

Diet. Take a long, honest look at your diet. Are you REALLY eating as well as you can? I am not going to say one diet is better than another because again, you need to find an eating plan that is healthy, feasable for you and one you will potentially stick to for the rest of your life. I believe vegetarian/vegan is best for *ME* but I know plenty of people who do well with the Paleo diet, low carb(IF done correctly, which most people do not) whatever you choose, you actually need to FOLLOW it and not for just a few days or weeks but MONTHS and years. Regardless of what you choose, the more real foods you eat, the better. Organic, nonGMO, WHOLE foods that require effort to prepare will provide your body with the nutrition it needs so it doesn't go *looking* for the nutrients it isn't getting, thereby causing you to eat more, and thus the cycle continues. If you are eating foods out of a box that contains more than a handful of ingredients, and more than half are not found in nature, STOP IT. That is NOT real food! Real foods are found on the outer isles of your store. And no, it isn't SO expensive to eat healthy. I feed a family of 5 who do not all eat the same AND now doing GF/CF for $200 or less a week. Its a bit more effort but aren't you/your family worth it? If your finances are extremely tight, then do your research. Eat the best things you CAN afford, you can still choose real foods and improve your diet on a limitted budget. Make eating healthy a priority and forgo other things that are extras- if you eat out a lot, stop. Chances are unless you are going to an organic restaurant, you are being served the exact foods you do not want to eat anyways. Find free entertainment. Reduce your bills. Whatever you need to do, make your heath your priority. Because it will cost you a WHOLE lot more to be a sick person from something you may have been able to prevent, than to get and stay healthy.

Once you have decided on an eating plan, STICK TO IT. You did not get this way overnight, you will not heal/get healthy overnight.

Something else worth looking at is if you have ANY food sensitivities. This is a hard one for most people as MOST of the time, you crave the food you are sensitive to...which then causes some sort of reaction in your system which may be preventing you from losing weight. Many a person has eliminated a food(s) they are sensitive to and dropped weight very easily and effortlessly after that. With foods being as GM as they are, our bodies have not had time to adjust. Therefor, people who may be prone to autoimmune issues(ie-you have seasonal allergies, asthma, excema, etc)are often times more sensitive to foods as well. I have noticed that MOST people who have seasonal allergies or environmental allergies ALSO have some food allergies/sensitivities. Often times a pleasant side effect of eliminating your food sensitivites, is a reduction or elimination of seasonal allergies. I have found personally that though I am allergic to anything that grows(seriously, it is rediculous) if I avoid the foods I am sensitive/allergic to, I have NO seasonal allergies. Interesting, no?

Shopping. There are lots of options here. I cannot get everything I need at one store, unfortunately. Be a savvy consumer. Know where to buy the foods you CAN eat. You don't have to only shop at Whole Paycheck. If you can afford to, awesome. If you have no other options, I know they have their own store brands that are cheaper and you can probably do ok there. I know what I can get where and that is what I have to do. It may mean going to several different stores, but I tend to shop for a month at a time in places I don't go often. You can't buy produce in bulk unless you are going to freeze it, but just about everything else can be purchased en masse. We have special dietary issues at our house and so that's how I deal with it. If you eat meat/eggs/dairy find a reputable source for those product. Often times local dairy farms are as close to organic as you can get without the label, and cheaper. Grass fed beef is of course the best, as long as it is hormone and antibiotic free as well. Free range chicken and their eggs that eat organic food without added meds are ideal, and you can find that everywhere. There is no excuse for eating *grocery store meat* imo...unless your store has the better meat/eggs/dairy. Trader Joes carries free range/grass fed/etc meat, chicken, eggs and milk. Or, you can find someone local who sells it and support a local farmer. Even better :) Now, THIS stuff is going to cost more. I get it, but you will be saving money by not buying all the other crap, you will be eating less because your body will be better nourished and I bet you will find your food budget does not change much. Now, the exception would be if your diet is SO horrible and you are eating so much processed food/crap that IS in fact much less expensive than *real* food then yes, your food bill will go up. But, your doctors bill will go down :)

Don't be afraid to look at the *day old* produce section if your store has one. That food isn't bad or they couldn't sell it. Its actually RIPE, which is not something people are used to! It may not be as pretty, or you may have to eat it as soon as you get home. Usually it is MUCH cheaper though. I am not a fan of BJ's and the like, but often times you can get bulk organic produce cheaper than at the grocery store. Worth the trip, imo, as long as you stay away from all the other isles full of frankenfood! Farmer's Markets are awesome. Not only will you get amazingly fresh food, you are supporting the local farmers, which is just cool as sh*t. :)

If you are reading all of this and saying you have done all this and STILL can't get fit/lose weight then perhaps there is something else medically going on that warrents a trip to the Dr. There are numerous medical conditions that can prevent one from losing weight that you could be dealing with and not even know it. Thyroid conditions, autoimmune diseases, adrenal fatigue, etc can all sabotage even the most stellar effort to lose weight. Get that issue managed and under control and come back and try again...you will probably find that you are much more successful this time around. Also, look into any meds you are taking and see if weight gain is a side effect. Sometimes you have to dig VERY deep to find that side effect and if it is, you need to check the risk/benefit factors for you. Pehaps there is another med you can take that does not have that effect. Or, perhaps the effort of changing your diet and exercising creates the health you needed to be able to go OFF that med. It does happen :)

Clearly, I could go on and on and on....but I have been sitting here for a while and it is so awesome out and I want to go run in the snow. :) So, basically if you are looking to lose weight and get healthy...real food, real work, real results. Make the commitment to yourself for LIFE. You ARE worth it. Most of all EDUCATE yourself!!!

*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. Anything I have written here is based on my own personal research and/or experience. Take what you need, leave what you don't, be responsible as I am assuming most, if not all, reading this are grown-ups. This does not replace the advice of an ACTUAL doctor or other medical professional, if that's how you roll. Peace out.

Streak...busted.

2012-01-20T10:01:00.000-05:00

Yeah...so Tuesday I did not run. I have a reasonable excuse but still, I am disappointed with myself. :( I know no one really cares, but I feel like a loser nonetheless. Ah, well.) One of the many things that happens when I change my dose of LDN is my hormones get all jiggy for a few months. So, that means raging pms, cramps from Hell(sorry guys) and general bitchiness to beat the band. Dr. MoW said it is an actual phenomenon and new *illness* that is some sort of autoimmune hormone imbalance that has a name...that I have forgotten. He was all excited in a goobery doctor sort of way when I told him last visit that I was having this issue when we upped my dose, lol. Man I love this guy. Anyways, I had pain that was making me quite unpleasant and I could not reign it in so...I never went running. Normally I would run anyways, but tuesday I didn't. Bah. So, the *official* streak is over, but now I am simply streaking. :) I am going to just run every day for as long as I can. I have never really done a streak for longer than 30 days and I already surpassed that with this one, which is cool.

And, having been doing 8m a day at least, for over 30 days I now have a new base norm. 8m is my new base mileage, which is pretty neat. I have run 10m for the last 2 days and it feels like my old 6-8m. My goal was and still is to increase my overall mileage, and to increase my daily norm, and I have. So, focusing on the good....I still accomplished something. I am sticking to my trail run every weekend, which is also good and I am REALLY looking forward to spring :)

The gluten free/wheat free experiment has been going well here...JD is doing SO much better, and I have found replacement foods for many of the things they like and would have missed. I am lucky that I have been teaching my kids all along about healthy food choices and trying new things so there isn't too much resistance to change as long as I explain the *why* they are usually ok with it. This new way of eating requires more effort on my part for sure, by way of cooking more from scratch, but it is worth it to know I am feeding my family the healthiest foods possible. It is totally worth it when I see that they don't get sick, they are a normal size, they feel good, are super active, and they *feel* good and can tell me that. They want to be healthy and I am thrilled. I know some of their thoughts are a result of my brain-washing, and some is from watching me and what I do and I feel no guilt. If I can raise my children to be healthy, aware, and they grow up making informed food choices and health choices...I am happy. There was a time when we were not healthy and were at the doctors literally EVERY MONTH. Allergy testing, blood work, medical tests, tantrums, dermatitis, and constant *somethings*...we went through a really rough time of it. All of it turned out to be autoimmune in nature, and I busted my butt to gt my kids(and myself) well. That is when I first went raw, and had them raw(mostly) as well. It worked and they have not been that sick since. Stuff has come up, and with tweaks here and there, we have been able to get them back to good health. WITHOUT DRUGS. Go figure.

Don't get me wrong here...I believe pharmaceuticals have their place, for sure. I am on 2 drugs now that I will possibly be on for the rest of my life and I am completely at peace with that. Why should I suffer when I can be healthy? I have tried the natural route and it didn't work for these particular issues, and sometimes drugs ARE ok. I don't feel bad about it at all. If I could fix my issues with herbs etc I would but I can't. That isn't a cop out, that is reality. I am not against people taking medication for a condition that cannot be fixed au natural. Some things can't. If you gave it a shot and couldn't do it, there is no shame in using a drug to help you achieve health. Mind you, I am also taking two drugs that I researched the hell out of, as is my way, and I know there are no adverse effects from either of them that will harm me. Had their been...I may have chosen differently. Which is not to say that sometimes you don't have to use something that IS going to cause harm....clearly I did when I went on mega doses of antibiotics for months on end, I am still dealing with the ramifications of that. In that case you have to look at risk vs. benefit, and for me at that time, the benefit outweighed the risk. As with everything in life, you have to educate yourself and make informd decisions. The interent is an amazing place and you can find out ALL sorts of things with the click of a few keys. I tend to stick to medically based sites when looking up meds and conditions, as I can *weed* through the God-talk of doctors and get the info I need as it realates to me or my family personally. I see no need to be a martyr, there is a time and a place for ALL things. Good health, good food choices, the right supplements/herbs, and sometimes a Rx med ALL can have a place in ones health regimine. Again, its all about making informed, educated choices. Many health issues CAN be dealt with, helped, or reduced with dietary changes. Where that leaves off, maybe a supplement or herb can close a gap. Then, if there is STILL something left askew, a Rx. may be necessary. Its all good. I ALWAYS start with diet though as it is the easiest to change and will often prove to bring about the quickest change/result. :)

Like everything...its about choice. I am VERY passionate about what I believe in. I am also able to respect others decisions to do differently. What gets my knickers in a bunch is when people do not educate themselves and blindly follow(sheep) or simply do what they are told by a doctor/friend/etc. I NEVER have taken a drug without doing the research on it. Actually, I have never taken a vitamin or supplement without researching it. I know not everyone has that kind of drive, but this is something I am going to put in my body or my children's body. Same with diet. I researched the Raw diet for a YEAR, when I became a vegetarian way back when I read any book I could get my hands on(which wasn't much back then) to learn about it. Its always been my *way*, and yes I can get a bit over the top but I will never be one to make an uninformed decision. :) So, if you do your research and decide to do something you know is potentially detrimental to your health, have at it. If you educate yourself and decide that what you read isn't in line with what you feel or believe, awesome. I can respect the fact you did your homework and choose different. Its all good, there is room for ALL sorts of people on this Earth. Respect and support are 2 different things though...

I can respect differences, but if you chose to ignore facts, etc and it backfires on you...I cannot be supportive. I can be sympathetic, and I won't say I told you so but...if you are choosing to eat comercial meat full of antibiotics and growth hormones, and then YOUR hormones are out of whack, or you get really sick and can't find an antibiotic to cure your illness bc you have one of the new superbugs....uh, well I am sorry to hear that but when you know better, you might want to do better.

Seems harsh, but this is my soapbox and I am sticking with it. Until everyone gets on board and demands that the goverment leaves our food supply alone, and until people wake up and start to realize that what you eat IS directly related to your short and long term health and your children's health(you can eat crap and not care, but really, you are going to put crap into your CHILD?)...I will be that PITA that keeps spouting this info. Get used to it. :)

OK, enough of this...I need to go get my run on.

There's trouble afoot...

2012-01-15T10:23:00.000-05:00

...not trouble, exactly...just changes.

I liken them to mid-life crisises, yet I have them fairly regularly, lol. Seems that if I do not follow my Path, or Calling, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it, I get a *message* in the form of a 2x4 in the back of the head telling me I better get with the program...and them my life goes into what I like to call a sh*t spiral. At least that's what it used to be like. Now, knowing better and having been through it eleventy billion times, I am not as *spiral-y* as I used to be and I recognize what is going on a lot sooner.

Welcome to my mid-life crisis, y'all.

Part of this is drug induced.
Heh, not what you think. The LDN(low dose Naltrexone) I am on does all sorts of cool and interesting things to me during the course of treatment. In the end, its all good but the process is not always smooth. Part of the healing is sometimes the intensifying of symptoms. LDN is exactly what it is called- a LOW dose of a drug, that is being used off-label, because some genius doctor discovered it could be used for autoimmune issues with great success at what would basically be considered, for all intents and purposes, a homeopathic dose. This is one of the things that appealed to me in the first place. Not being a huge fan of pharmaceuticals, I was thrilled to read that the MAX dose was a fraction of the dose one would take for the label use. And just like a homeopathic, every time we adjust the dose, my body goes through a *healing crisis* so to speak. My lingering symptoms will intensify somewhat, new things will pop up, or rather, very OLD things will come back. I will have an increase in sensitivity to foods, more night sweats, hormone imbalances, increased anxiety, insomnia, etc...sometimes I will be hit with a bout of brain fog, or other brain instability, my vertigo will get worse, joints will start to hurt....and then over the course of a month or 2...it goes away. Interesting. This tells me several things...1)I still have Lyme bacteria(s) in my system. 2)My body IS starting to work to fight this stuff on its own. I am currently not on ANY Lyme protocols whatsoever and though I have contemplated doing something to continue to clean up this mess, I am still a bit PTSD from all the pills, etc I had to take for so long and can't bring myself to *go there* again even though I know it won't be like that.

For now, I will accept this is how things are, and continue to work on my gut issues. Adding Licorice to the mix, thanks to a friend who reminded me of this awesome herb! I also need to straighten out my hormones a-la Don Quai, as the anxiety/pmsy garbage is really just more than I am wanting to deal with. Having lived with that non-descript, no reason for it, kind of anxiety for YEARS, I do NOT want to relive that again either. I know it is temporary, but even still I want to deal with that asap and have several herbal tinctures I can use. Herbs are SO awesome, and as I am VERY sensitive to drugs/herbs/supplements a little goes a long way for me.

In the mean time, I am looking at all that is being stirred up by this little *crisis* and will continue to work on the things I have mentioned recently, the PT cert, working on my book(s) again, etc, etc...maybe I need to revive some of my other blogs again as well. I will have to see about that. I would also like to get my website back up...whcih may require a call to someone far more techie than I am, lol. I need to really pay attention to the things that are being put in my Path because they are all there for a reason. I likened this whole process to the peeling of an onion...though I absolutely disike that analogy, it is very fitting...things do happen in layers, and every time you shed another layer there is something new there to look at. Not bad, just different. This whole healing process over the last year has been very physical-centered, obviously, but in that time I competely ignored and neglected the mental and emotional pieces. I believe, and always have, that as we heal our physical bodies, the emotional/mental stuff comes to the surface. In order for us to survive, our physical body takes precidence but once that is under control, the *other stuff* comes to light...so everything I have been ignoring for the last year is now coming to light. This is a good thing, as it means that I have come far enough on my physical healing journey to be able to now address these *other* things.

I also believe that diet(I know, here I go again) has a huge impact on where we are at mentally/emotionally. The better I eat, the cleaner, less allergens, etc that I consume, the less work my body has to do to get the nutrition I need, the more time it can spend doing something else...whether that means healing on a physical level, or something else.(I know, getting my *woo* on here, but bear with me...)When we are eating foods that we are sensitive to, or are highly processed, or are just plain crap, the body has a reaction to it. It may be simple GI distress, or it could be a histamine reaction such as bloating/swelling, etc. There is also a chemical reaction that happens in your brain, when you are eating foods that you are *addicted* to, those -feel good- foods that you *think* you HAVE TO HAVE OMG, but really are messing with you...as you eat them, your body reacts, you HAVE to have more, you eat more, your body reacts, wash-rinse-repeat...

Take that whole messy process out of the picture, eat foods close to or exactly the way nature created them, eat REAL foods, and give your body the nutrition it needs...things happen. That whole crappy feeing one has when they try to go off foods that they think they have to have? Yeah, detox is no fun. That is why peope unknowingly avoid it. Stuff comes up. Not ony do you feel physical symptoms, but you feel emotional symptoms as well. EEEEK NO! CAN'T HAVE THAT! GIVE ME MY BREAD AND FRENCH FRIES AND POTATO CHIPS AND ICE CREAM!!!! I am mocking, but I have also been there. Its called *stuffing the emotions* and that is the eating people do when they *think* they are hungry ( ie the person who needs a snack an hour after they finished a meal...really? Your body needs 4 hours to process and digest that food. You are NOT hungry in a physical sense, trust me) There is also the hunger people have from eating foods devoid of nutrients, so the body sends *hunger signals* to encourage you to eat more so it cen get all the nutrients it is looking for. 2 separate issues, that can have the same results: you will eat far more than your body needs and most likely the wrong things resulting in gaining unnecessary weight. Yes, it is that simple. Unless there is a true medical reason, THAT is the bottom line for people. (and there are true medical reasons, as well as medications that people HAVE to be on that will cause them to carry extra weight through no fault of their own. In that case, one simply has to do the best they can to be as healthy as they can given their particualr circumstances. It can be done, I have seen it done.) But that is another post entirely. :)

I believe that my current heaing *crisis* is much more of the emotional/mental bend...and that is ok. I actually find that those are much harder to go through than the physical, but also more rewarding in the end. I am very passionate about personal growth and very much know I am on a journey to become a better person, and no matter how good you *think* you are, there is ALWAYS room for improvement. So, here we go, mid life crisis, bring it on. I am ready for you...

But first, I am going to go out in this arctic weather with 2 women whom I admire and enjoy very much for a romp in the woods. Girl time is a very important part of life(if you are a girl, lol) and I am very much looking forward to freezing my a$$ off and getting my fill :)

Brain Dump.

2012-01-14T10:42:00.000-05:00

There are days when I simply need to empty my head. Lots of times I do that when I run, but there are the days when I need to do it BEFORE I run or else I will not get far.

Bear with me...I like bullets:

-Jeffrey has made HUGE improvements on the GF reduction. *He* knows he feels better, less tired and unhappy, and told me so. This is SO huge, and was reinforced when he ate a wheat bun last night with his veggie burger and turned into a not-so-pleasant-child again. Though I am willing to allow some gluten, I may have to revisit that or possibly find a way to lessen the damage bc I am REALLY liking the GF Jeffrey.

-I am slowly eliminating the wheat products in our house, and am feeling pretty good about it. Hubby is not entirely loving this idea, but is willing, as always, to give it a go. He is such a good egg :) I am hoping he feels better as well and notices enough of a difference to make it worth while for him as well.

-My stomach is still mad at me. Sigh. I am at a loss. I really do not want this to turn into a *medical* thing but I need to figure out what the deal is and soon. I am going to give digestive enzymes, in bulk, one more try and see how that goes...

-Doing some goal-setting for the year, and I decided that I REALLY want to get my Personal Trainer Cert. This is something I have talked with my brother about, and I am feeling the pull now. I feel like adding that to my Raw Food Coach Cert. would be a nice combo...I know people like to see *lables* and maybe this would give people a sense that I am qualified to help them, lol. Really, I simply want to help people take charge of their lives and their health and to live better and feel better. That may be the focus of my next book, along with the cookbook that is waiting to be edited...I am also FINALLY going to start a running club in my area. I talked with a friend about a logo, and I think I need to follow up on that. I want a club that is ALL inclusive, encourages newbies and though I am not a fan of road runner mentality, it wil be road and trail runners. The people who *should* be there will find it... :) It will be from 5k-ers to 100 milers. I am hoping to have monthly events(pot-lucks, etc) weekly runs and maybe some training events and a race or 2...There isn't anything like that here in this area and *I* for one, would like there to be.

-I need to work on my judgement gene....I try very hard to be open minded, accepting, and not judge others. *I* certianly do not want to be judged and since I happen to have been judged quite a bit in my life and know how it feels, I strive to not be that way. But...my judgemental side does sneak in and irritate me now and again...I posted something about a site I saw that proclaimed it was for the real moms out there who did not cloth diaper and let their kids eat non-organic food. I was sort of perturbed by this, as why on earth would you BRAG about that? I get the diapering piece, I clothed diapered my kids and loved it but it isn't for everyone. It was something *I* believed in and wanted to do, and though I do believe cloth is better than disposable, it is also a huge undertaking that requires a commitment that is NOT for everyone for various reasons. I am totally ok with that. Same thing with breastfeeding, homeschooling, not vaccinating...*I* choose these things because it was right for *MY* family, and it is something I did my research on, and strongly believe in. I will not hate you bc you vaccinate, send your child to public school, eat meat, or give your child formula. I may strongly disagree, but this is a free country and I believe we all have choices. I think my *strong beliefs* come across wrong at times. And, to say I am not judging...would be hypocritical, I guess. How can you not judge? If you have an opinion that differs from another, is that not judging to a certian degree? So, I guess I do. But I think you can judge with acceptance. I may have friends and family who do things I do not agree with, but that does not make me love them less...in the same way I would hope they would not shun me for choosing differently from them.

My *issue* comes in when I see people, in this day and age where you can get the answer to ANYthing by googling it, who then choose to do something when they *know better*. I constantly tell my children, "When you know better, you do better." which means, if you know right from wrong, you don't get to choose wrong and claim ignorance! THAT boils my blood. Healthy food is my soapbox, obviously, and that is one of my biggest pet peeves. Why would you choose to feed your child something that you know is not healthy, ladened with pesticides, GM, etc because *that is all they will eat*...really? No child will intentionally starve themself. Actually, I take that back. MOST children will not intentionally starve themselves. Jeffrey will refuse to eat so there are exceptions to the rule. YOU are the parent, YOU make the rules. I feel that way beyond just food issues, but I am not going to open that can of worms, lol...suffice it to say, if you lead by example, your children WILL follow. SO, what kind of example are you going to lead?

-I firmly believe in leading by example. I would never try to *force* someone to do something like me, or bc I do it. It is why my family is not raw, or even vegan. There are some things that fall under the *because I am the parent, that's why* umbrella, but we do try to allow our kids as much freedom to make their own choices as possible. I try to show them that I am getting more and more healthy by the choices I make. That I feel good when I go out and run. That some things in life work and others don't and its all good. I try to do that outside of my family too. Its why I am such an open book about my life and my health, diet, etc...I want to show people that it can be done, and then they can take what *they* need and leave what they don't. If I inspire someone to drink a green smoothie every day and it improves their health, that makes me feel SO happy...but mostly for them! Because now they know how good it feels to feel good! If someone takes up running and gets fit/loses extra weight/gets stronger/etc because they were inspired by my running...AWESOME! Because now they know how fabulous it feels to get out and move their body, breathe in fresh air (and probaby smoke me at a race, lol) That is what I am all about. That is what I want to do. :) I just want to inspire people to START. Once you start, you won't want to go back. That is good. :)

On that note, I have given the arctic air long enough to warm up...to a blazing 18 degrees :) Time to head out for my 8m. Keeping the streak alive! Tomorrow I have the pleasure of running with 2 awesome trail chicks. It will be a challenge as it will be cold and probably icy out on the trails, but I KNOW we will have fun and plenty of girl talk. Sweet. :)

Stay tuned for recipes and menus....I have some good ones coming!

A different sort of post...

2012-01-12T11:12:00.000-05:00

I used to have about 5 different blogs. I had one for everything because apparently, I felt I had a lot to say and figured everyone would want to hear(read) about it, lol. To date, this is really the only blog I keep up with as I have always felt I needed to keep posting about my journey with Lyme Disease, running, raw, etc.

Throughout this journey, I had always prayed that if I could recover, I would help others in whatever way I could with their healing. I meant their healing with Lyme, but not being specific means many things have been put on my Path...(you really do need to be specific when you pray...lol)

Many things have been put on my Path. I have been asked to be a Doula, to coach running, for help with dietary changes, with Lyme, etc...basically bringing me full circle to where I was several years ago. I had a website, wrote a little e-book, very much wanted to do consulting and coaching. I had completed my raw food certification courses, tried to get my name out there, signed up for a Doula training program and then...I got sick again. Life has a funny way of getting in your way sometimes.

Maybe the timing was wrong, who knows. I certianly could NOT have been of any value to ANYONE when I was sick. I could barely take care of myself and my kids. But here I am, almost a year symptom/illness free and I am at a point of decison-making...

What to do now?

I have *missed* many things in my life that went by the wayside when I was sick. My Spiritual life was/is almost non-existant which is NOT something that feels very good and needs to change ASAP. Also, I let my website expire, never followed up with my second and third books(still sitting on my laptop) etc, etc...I very much want to help people who are looking to make changes in their lives, start an exercise program, change their diet, etc. I also want to help people dealing with Autoimmune issues with dietary changes that can improve thier health(not just raw and vegan, I can be flexible lol) I very much need to get my website back up(ugh, computer literate I am not) and make changes to it to reflect where I am at now and what I hope to help people with.

I am not looking to make a million dollars doing this and honestly, would do it for free except many a wise person has told me that people often do not value things they do not have to pay for, nor will they hold themself accountable for things that they do not have to pay for. So, I am thinking I need to figure out how to charge a reasonable fee for my services, something affordable for most and worthwhile for me. Ugh... :) I have tried advertising at numerous places, and perhaps it is time to revisit those places, as times change, things change and maybe my timing was off there too. Guess time will tell...perhaps it is simply time to put these plans into motion and see what I can manifest. I would love to be able to call this a part time job, doing something I really love, which is helping people get healthy :)

Totally open to thoughts, advice, critiques or anything else you may want to say :)

Success...in baby steps.

2012-01-12T10:08:00.000-05:00

So.....we are making some progress here.

I have *cleared* it with the family, as far as going gluten free is concerned. Can't say all members are on board(ahem, Hubby) but so far only one wants to move out and get his own gluten abundant apartment. :) I did explain very clearly to the kids what the reasons were behind my decision, and since we talk a lot about farming/GMO/organic etc they *get* what this is about. Plus they know as *athletes* we need to fuel our bodies with the best foods possible in order to have the energy we need to do the things we love. They have seen the results of this, it is something they have experienced and so for them, this isn't a big deal. When we went to the grocery/HF store earlier this week, I pointed out all the new and improved GF/DF things available now. I told them I prefer to make some of the things as they are VERY expensive, but it IS possible to replace many of the things they love. I was able to find the So Delicious brand of yogurt for Jeffrey, and though it is insanely priced, I got it for him as he really enjoys yogurt and it is a staple in his diet. We also go some of the So Delicious ice cream treats which they LOVE! Unfortunately, I will need to readjust my grocery budget, and possibly join the food coop, but honestly the improvements in Jeffrey ALONE make this worth it.

At this point, for the kids, I am more concerned with the GF aspect of their diets than I am with them being vegan/raw/etc. *I* am predominantly vegan, however I believe that is a personal choice beyond vegetarianism. They don't have a choice about the vegetarian piece at this point, but I would not make them be vegan or raw unless they feel that is something they want to pursue. We don't drink milk as a beverage but they do eat yogurt and cheese, however we will be switching to all goat cheese asap for Jeffrey, as he did very well on that before.

In the few days that we have cut his gluten/dairy down to about a quarter of what it was I have noticed a HUGE difference already. Its amazing. He is eating less, but eating better. He even drank a 16oz green smoothie last night! THAT is huge. I am so thrilled and hope this is a new trend. Max has always liked to *share* my smoothie with me, and Lilly will occasionally drink one but they both eat a good amount of raw fruits and veggies anyways.

I wish I could say things are going as well with me...my gut continues to be an issue, though I am willing to wait it out and see if it is related to my increase in LDN. Its possible. I am taking peppermint oil just in case, but I switched it to at night so I am taking it on an empty stomach to see if that helps more. Some days I can eat fine, others...not so much. Ugh. So far it has not affected my training, but I know it will catch up eventually so I need to get this straightened out. Green smoothies are always ok, so...I have those at least, lol.

I am continuing on with my streak...there have been some days where I was thisclose to not running but forced myself to and was glad I did. I always feel better after I run, but some days when my gut is being a b&tch and I feel cruddy its hard. So far though...I have managed to get it done. :) Today will be a challenge though as it is the first real snowstorm we have had this winter and it is coming down like nobody's business...it will be slow going but should be fun nonetheless. That's what Yaktrax are for! :)

As soon as I get my stomach situated, aka as soon as my body adjusts to the new dose of LDN, I am hoping to up my training a little more. I really REALLY want to get to a higher base mileage. I am pretty comfortable running 8m a day, and if I could inch that up to 10 several times a week...then come March when I start back to long runs I will be able to do longer long runs :) My confidence on the trails is improving with my more frequent runs on them, though I am not sure I am any faster, at least I am not as nervous. I run on fairly technical trails purposely bc that is what I suck at so...hoping for the best with that. I am fully confident I will be in perfect shape to pace all my peeps I am signed on to pace this year, and possibly have a better finishing rate this year at my own races. Being able to run more miles in training will certianly help. I am not fast, and have no real desire to become fast/competitive but would like to simply be a more solid mid-packer :)

OK, I have more to say but it will be a separate post as I tend to be rather long winded...(I know, right? SO hard to believe!)

If anyone is interested, the smoothie Jeffrey liked was:
1 frozen banana
1/2c cherries
1/2c pineapple
1c mangos
1c swiss chard/spinach/greens
2t raw agave
Blend until smooooooth :)

Here I go again... :)

2012-01-07T10:21:00.000-05:00

So, at the recommendation of a smart friend, I started reading Wheat Belly.
http://www.amazon.com/Wheat-Belly-Lose-Weight-Health/dp/1609611543/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1325945705&sr=1-1
I had my suspicions about wheat, even though it hasn't received as much *press* over GM and contamination, I figured SOMETHING had to be up as so many people are either sensitive or allergic to wheat(not to be confused with Celiac, which is a different disorder) I personally can eat wheat occasionally, but typically choose not to as it has always been a slippery slope for me. It is easier to simply avoid it if at all possible. By choice, I do not eat many grains. I will occasionaly eat quinoa or amaranth and even less often, brown rice. Once in a while I will have barley and I have been eating steel cut oats as of late (cooked, not sprouted/raw...my grains tend to start to ferment when I sprout them and my gut simply cannot handle anything fermented) That is my 10% non-raw ;) I always choose gluten free grains, my oats are certified organic and GF.

Well, turns out accoding to this Dr/book/study my suspicions are/were correct. Wheat is one of the WORST foods on the GM list, and not to mention highly addictive to those who are sensitive to it. My plan had been to slowly wean my family off of MOST wheat products, and limit what I do buy to either organic or some other non-GMO product. My kids are fairly healthy, and Hubby is mostly healthy but...there is always room for improvement. Plus, with my oldest being on the Spectrum, and craving the traditional *starch and cheese* diet of choice that most kids with Autism crave...we need to make some changes. He is a good gage of how we are doing nutrition-wise as he is the most sensitive. Lately he has been more irritable, more emotionally volatile, sleeping longer(at least 12 hours most nights) and he *seems* off. He is the hardest one to feed as he does NOT like fruits or veggies much, and he WILL simpy not eat if he does not get the foods he likes. He is very thin and very active so this is not an option, really. I sat down with him the other day and explained that we were going to try to reduce the wheat/gluten in our diets, explained why, talked about other things we would do, tried to find some fruits/veggies he WOULD consider eating, etc, etc. He was willing to try...I am hoping that if he starts to feel better I can help him make the connection to his diet. He is a complicated and tough kid to be around these days and I am hoping this helps him(and us...oy).

My other 2 kiddos will be fine. They both enjoy fruits and veggies and don't have the same *cravings* and my oldest. My youngest will consume several apples, berries, veggies, etc throughout the day and pick that over any other snack or food. If he doens't like what is served for a meal he will ask for fruit or a salad instead :)

Hubby will be a hard nut to crack as well. He likes what he likes. Period. I am hoping he too will see the benefits of eating differently and feel it is worth it. :) If not, that's why he has his own *snack cabinet* :)

So, we are slowly going to use up what gluten foods we have(bread, snacks, etc) and at the same time start incorporating more GF foods. I did promise that we would not use GF pizza dough as we have NEVER found a GF pizza dough that is *right*. So, unless we do....that will be their treat for the week. This will require more baking and cooking on my part, but I am fine with that. I enoy making bread, etc and I have already found several GF, vegan recipes that look WONDERFUL! The bread is like real bread! (and if you have ever had GF bread, you know what I mean...)

We have been down this road before...when the kids were much younger, shortly after my youngest turned 1 and I was diagnosed with Lyme, and the kids with their autoimmune issues, we had SO many food issues/allergies and we had to go GF. I ended up doing Raw for the first time then, I did it 100% and the kids were about 70%. They did GREAT, and they were very open to trying new things. Granted they were MUCH younger, and we had many failures food-wise, but after about 6mo of eating this way there was a HUGE difference in them! They were *cured* of most of their allergies, their health had improved tremendously, and I was feeling better as well. I have always come back to Raw for myself when I felt sick, and though I have been at least 70% raw most of the time ever since I first started 6 years ago, I get to 100% ish when I know I need to get down to business. I have always felt that for me, it is THE way to go and the proof is in the pudding.

Interestingly, though, the allergy that stuck with them was WHEAT, and JD has a whole host of stuff still...but he is more of an allergic person like his mother. The Dr at the time said to simply watch, as it was not a full blown anaphylactic allergy but could turn...Hmmm...sounds like the perfect time to deal with this. With JD, I need to make him feel like somehow he is *special* and the new foods he will eat are cool...this means going against my grain and allowing some healthy *junk food* in his diet...on the condition that he still makes healthy choices as well. Sigh...

Hopefully, after the initial discussion of this, we can simply make this a natural part of life and not a big deal. We already eat differently than most people we are around and the kids *get* that and know that what we do is good for us. The older they get, the more they notice and comment on peope's diets and how it may affect them, which I think is awesome. I have to remind them though that people are allowed to make choices, and though they may not be the best choices in our minds, they can do what they want...when you know better you do better...I don't want them becoming all judgemental and uppity about it. I want them to respect others, regardless if its right in our opinions. We are all allowed to choose, (Give me strength....)even if those choices CLEARLY are not the best, are harming the environment, etc. I have tried to teach them that leading by exampe is the best(and often safest)thing to do. When people see how healthy and full of energy they are, then they can say they eat xyz and make good choices. :) Or, maybe I will just start showing up to places with my Vitamix and making people Green Smoothies...changing the world, one green smoothie at a time!

So, that is our current Path...I am sure I will be posting a LOT about it here...including recipes :) Hoping for some really good results.

Frosty First Frozen Fat Ass 50k...or so.

2012-01-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

So....The Frosty First Frozen Fat Ass 50k had one returning participant other than me, and 2 newbies. The weather turned out to be nice running weather...if you didn't count the ice. And fog. Holy horror movie Batman. But let me back up...

I had a whopping 3 runners for this event, 2 of which I never met outside of the internet, yet they were crazy enough to come out and run with me. Cool. :) We started at exactly midnight, with the intention of doing 4 8m loops. The guys set off in a CCW direction and I went CW as I enjoy running up the 1.5m hill :). The roads were slightly slick, but I figured we'd be fine. I was feeling a little off...not sure what was up at that point, but by around mile 4 I was in full on nausea mode. Kind of early for that to hit, and I was trying to figure out if I ate something or did something to bring it on...I tend to get more nauseous at night when I run, not sure if its an equilibrium thing from the tunnel vision caused by my headlamp, or what...but I wasn't loving it. I really wanted to get in a full 50k and do well time-wise...I was hopeful I would rally.

One of the runners decided to bail after a rather speedy 2 loops, which was probably wise at it was starting to get more icy out...actually with each passing lap it got increasingly icy. The other 2 dudes soldiered on...then things got hairy...

During what was my 3rd loop it got really icy. And in one low section through the woods on the dirt road it got SO foggy you literally could not see where you were going. I *almost* paniced, but knowing where I was I figured I would come out of it at some point...but it was definitely freaky. Come to find out later, the guys were a bit freaked out as well, as they DIDN'T know where they were and the fog messed with them. Eventually once you got out of the woods section and back on tar, the fog lifted...but then there was the ice...

Coming down the one big hill with about 2m left in my loop is when it happened. I hit a bad patch of ice and down I went. Couldn't have caught myself if I tried. Smashed my elbow, hip and knee which are sporting lovely colors as we speak. That pretty much solidified that this was it for me. I never felt better, the nausea never went away so I couldn't eat, could barely drink and had been toying with just making it a marathon or something anyways...but after the fall I decided I was just simply done. 24 miles it was.

The last 2 guys ran the whole thing, which is awesome. Pretty quick too. :) I am sure they would have been faster had it not been for the ice. I have decided though that next year I am going to do a morning start. And, I may even move it to the woods :) We'll see...the staying up all night thing...its one thing if I am pacing someone, its another if I am trying to run something myself. I don't know why that is, but I can stay up all night and run WITH someone to pace them, but when I am alone...eh. That could be part of it too, as I was running alone. Even if I had gone CCW, I never could have kept up with those guys. 8min/miles? Uh, no. :)

So, it wasn't my best run but it got done and its all good. :)

My stomach issues during the run, I believe, were due to 2 things: one, I had a cup of cocoa before the run. I never really drink cocoa, and this particular brand had malodextrin in it. I don't do well with artifical sugars, or wierd chemicals and I (bad me) didn't look at the ingredients before I drank it, as I assumed Ghiardelli would not be full of crap. Two, I have gone up in my dose of LDN which always sparks some sort of shift in my body either in the form of me being hyper sensitive to things for a while, or having wierd reactions to things. I am thinking it was a bit of both, plus my gut hasn't been quite right lately anyways. Needless to say, it was 2 DAYS before I could get any real food into me without being sick. Not great. :(

So, I started back on my peppermint oil pills, along with digestive enzymes to see if that helps. Even several days later I do not feel 100% and have been sticking to mostly green smoothies to be safe. I will try some other stuff today and see how it goes, as I cannot afford to not eat enough at this point.

Speaking of what to eat...I got into some trouble this morning already on one of the raw food sites...it makes me crazy when I see someone promoting their way of eating as the ONLY way. Really? Then they get SO defensive when you comment. My feeling is if you are ok with your choices, why get defensive? I simply made a comment about raw fooders eating a BALANCED diet of fruits AND greens (and veggies if you choose...this was a hard-core raw foodie) and there was knickers in a bunch, oh yes there was. The problem I have is a lot of people who are new to this style of eating, and/or looking for quick fixes can go down a very dangerous and unhealthy path if they are mis-informed! MOST people who eat only or predominantly raw, did not go all rigid/strict overnight. Some do, and can get through the detox, etc and come out the other side ust fine, and some peope who were already strict veg/vegan do not have a far jump. But, peope who are eating a SAD diet and/or are unhealthy to begin with and may/may not have a good handle on what nutritious eating even is can get into a world of hurt. Don't get me wrong, I think fruititarianism is awesome, I think low fat raw is awesome, and both are pretty strict, hard-core eating styles. That would be my goal, and IS my goal, with the exception that I am going to follow what my body *needs* and if that means I eat a sweet potato or some sort of grain that is, gasp, cooked...well so be it.

I have friends who are die hard carnivores. Not sure they would know a fruit if it bit them in the ass. I don't agree with that diet *for me* but they feel it is working for them. OK. Would my diet work for them too? Quite possibly, but that isn't what *they* choose. You have to choose it, or you won't do it. That being said, *I* choose what my kids eat, for the most part. Hypocritical? Maybe. I do allow some choosing within certian parameters, as in, they can make food choices based on what foods we have available. We ALWAYS have fresh fruit and veggies availabe, along with other healthy snack options. There are times I give them choices and they chose to not eat, as opposed to eating what I offer. That's fine with me. No child will NOT eat if they are truly hungry. I do not impose my strict eating choices on my kids, bc I don't believe its fair. They know why I eat the way I do, and we talk about healthy food choices all the time- organic, GMO, why we are veg., etc. We do *make* them vegetarian, as that is a moral issue for us. Beyond that...I try to let them have some freedoms. I will say though...there are definitely some *food addictions* in this house, and there will be some changes made in the near future for the well being of all of us, but 2 members of my family in particular...but that is another post.

In the mean time...I will tease you and let you know I am about to read Wheat Belly...which should get me back on my soapbox in a few days... :)

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is...

2012-01-03T08:47:00.000-05:00

I figure since I am all in a twist over a posting on FB about weight loss wraps, I would do a little post of my own. See, there is this gal promoting a (pyramid scheme) website where Body Wraps are sold. Supposedly, they *shrink your fat cells, help you lose weight/inches, fit in your skinny jeans, remove toxins from your cells!* Um, ok. There are some very *dramatic* before and after shots(of course) and the whole thing reeks of a scam. Reminds me of the saran wrap weight loss deal(those of you old enough to remember the days of wrapping your midsection with saran wrap and exercising, or those rubber suits they sold to increase sweating...???) I got on and pointed out that not only was this bogus and wouldn't last, I suggested people save their $100 and do things the old fashioned way, as they would have permanent results, feel better about themselves and be $100 richer! Not to mention the free ways to rid oneself of toxins...Well, my comment was deleted. As were all subsequent comments. Yeah, the truth...it hurts. This is right up there with the Fat-Burner pills, and various other workout enhancing *supplements* which contain a whole host of chemicals that will REALLY mess with your system sooner and/or later. (oh, and btw...just because something claims to be *natural* does NOT make it safe...do your research before you put anything into or on your body!)

So many people make losing weight/eating better/exercising their New Year Resolution. I am not one for NY Resolutions but I think that is a good one. But often times what happens is people have such lofty goals that they end up giving up inside a month. Also losing weight/exercising needs to be a LIFESTYE change, not something you do for 3mo and then toss out. If you are going to start an exercise program, pick something you TRULY enjoy. Then decide that you WILL set aside x-amount of time each day for that exercise, NO EXCUSES. You can find time, you can make time, this is a gift you can give yourself. You have to love and take care of yourself FIRST if you are going to be any use to anyone else...it is a fact. :) Start slowly, and build up. If you pick running, don't go out the first day and try and run 5m. Start with a set amount of time, such as "I am going to walk/run for 20 mins a day." Or, pick a C25K program that works you up to running. That insures success. If you think you are going to go out and run 5m your first day, you will fail and want to give up. If you DO make it, you will be so sore the next few days you won't be able to run.

Find an exercise buddy. I think this helps a lot of people stay committed and motivated knowing someone else will hold you accountable. Plus, it gives you both someone to whine to on the days it is hard to get going(and there will be those days). Speaking of those days...even if you don't feel like doing said exercise, do it anyways. Tell yourself, "even though I feel like shit today, I am going to go run for 5 minutes so I can say I did." You will find, more often than not, that its simply the "get going" that is the hard part. Many a day I have thought *GAH! I don't feel like running!* and within my first mile or 3 I feel good and was so glad I got out. Most of the time once you get started you WILL feel better.

Make exercise part of your life. Like brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, any other habit you have. If you can keep it up for 30 days, it will become easier. 90 days and it is a habit. Plus, by 90 days you will see results. :) Exercise is NOT an overnight *quick fix*...you see gains over the long haul, but they are permanent gains as long as you continue to stay active. Diet pills, *wraps*, even plastic surgery are not going to give you the body you want. Diet pills are evil. These wraps and other gimmicks may give you some sort of water weight loss results but unless you follow up with a diet and exercise routine(and don't drink anything, lol)you will not maintain any of the results you achieved.

I know there are lots of people who want to *fast* or do some sort of *cleanse* to jump-start their weight loss...and I am not opposed to that. Actually, I think it can be a great tool. There are plenty of fairly safe cleanses/fasts out there...the *Lemonade Cleanse* is reasonably safe, as are the various juice cleanses, which ease you into the fast and ease you out, and have you follow up with a clean diet. Again, if you are going to do a fast, you WILL lose weight, but most of the weight you lose will be water. Are you losing *toxins* as well? Yes, depending on how toxic you are. If you eat a lot of processed foods, junk, eat out a lot, you are going to be hurting on the fast as your body detoxes. Once you get through it though, you WILL feel better. (Doing a cleanse of anything less that 7 days, imo, is a waste of time. Your body is just starting to detox by day 3...staying on for the extra days is well worth it.) BUT! You can't go back to eating the way you did! You have to change your eating habits.

There are so many diets out there, its crazy. I personally believe that a vegetarian/vegan/raw diet is best for *me* but you need to decide what is going to work for you and your lifestyle. I do recommend several things though...EDUCATE yourself about what you are putting in your body!!! Crap in, crap out. If you eat processed foods, pesticide ladened veggies and fruits, antibiotic/hormone laced meats, eggs and milk, GMO foods, don't expect to feel your best. I firmly believe that eating GMO foods contributes to a whole host of issues, not to mention your body doesn't know what to do with the food! Our bodies are used to eating foods that it can recognize. If you eat GMO corn, and your body doesn't recognize it, what is it supposed to do with it? I believe that is causing the RAPID rise in people(including myself and my kids) with food allergies/intollerances. Food allergies cause a histamine reaction in the body causing (amongst other things) fluid retention/swelling...weight gain...food cravings...etc.

Eat foods as close to their natural state as possible. Steer clear of the middle isles of stores. If it comes in a box with more than 3 or 4 ingredients...DON'T BUY IT! I am not saying you can't treat yourself once in a while, but make sure your food choices the rest of the time are good ones. Your body will thank you! Eat more fruits and veggies. Eat organic whenever possible, make sure your meat/eggs and dairy are coming from reputable sources, and DEFINITELY check for GMO products. You can use this link to be sure you are purchasing non-GMO foods: http://www.nongmoshoppingguide.com/ It doesn't HAVE to be expensive. I feed a family of 5 on probably less than the average Standard American Diet eating family because we don't eat crap, we rarely eat out, and we eat wholesome foods. When you are eating processed foods, your body is NOT getting all the nutrients it needs. Therefor, it goes looking for those *nutrients* and tells you it is *hungry*. It isn't that you are actually hungry, its that you are nutrient deficient! Eating more whole foods will fill you up in more ways than one and you WILL lose weight. Calorie restricting, skipping meals, I-am-only-going-to-eat-lettuce-for-a-month, etc will not help you lose weight and get healthy, as a) you aren't going to stick to it, and b) you are setting yourself up for failure. I do think there is some value to the low-carb diets if done right...I believe cutting out grain carbs can definitely help people lose weight and get healthy as I am in 100% belief that wheat/starches are a drug...they have a drug-like affect on our brains, causing us to *feel* addicted to them. I could go into the whole chemical process behind that but I will spare you... ;) suffice it to say, taking out the grains, and sticking to veggies, fruits, beans, some nuts, protiens-of-your-choice, with the occasional starchy veg like sw. potatoes, squashes, etc will definitely yield results.

Honestly, if you do nothing else, adding a green smoothie a day to your diet would do wonders for anyone. We do NOT eat enough green leafy veggies...you know, the ones that contain the most wonderful nutirents? :) Using spinach or swiss chard, both greens with a very mild taste is perfect. Start slowly, with a pinch of greens to a blender of fruit and water. I buy frozen fruits: berries(organic) mangos, pineapples, etc. I also will buy bananas and freeze them. Buying extra fruit in season(peaches, apples, etc) and freezing them is a great money saver. I freeze everything including my greens as I really lke my smoothies to be like milkshakes. :) Greens are also one of the EASIEST things to grow, they will grow in less than stellar soil and will grow late into the season. I grow all my own greens(usually) and freeze them for the winter. I typically grow enough greens to last me until Spring of the following year, at least. Or, again, you can buy them on sale and freeze them to use later. Green smoothies are great as they break up the greens/fruit so they are half way to being digested already! This is great as the nutirents in the smoothies are more readily available for your body to use. Cool, no? You can work up to more greens as your body/tastes adjust, and green smoothies will aid in eliminating toxins(and they taste better than body wraps).

There are plenty of supplements and powders, superfoods and tinctures on the market and I am not going to say one way or another about them. I know there are some great products out there and believe there is a time and place for all of them, and I know I used quite a few during my healing process. Again, its one of those things where you need to educate yourself about what you are using, steer clear of anything that sounds too good to be true(because if it SOUNDS too good to be true, it probably is...) and don't rely on those supplements to make up for, or take the place of a good diet. Everything in moderation. :)

OK, that is my soapbox for today. Now, I am off for a run...then I think I will have a big, ol' green smoothie :)

Check it out :)

2012-01-02T13:37:00.002-05:00

My very good friend Steve Latour has just published his second book! I am so excited for him as I thoroughly enjoyed the first book(which I was in, btw) and am sure I will love the second book as much!(which I am also in, lol) He is a very entertaining writer and even if you are not an ultrarunner, or even a runner for that matter, you will enjoy his books!

Here is the link for the new one: https://www.createspace.com/3729093
And if you didn't read the first one, DO IT! http://www.amazon.com/Clydesdales-Tale-Trained-Vermont-ebook/dp/B004AHKCHA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325529157&sr=8-1

This is my PSA for the day :)

...and a happy new year...

2011-12-29T09:28:00.000-05:00

Its almost the end of 2011 and me being me and liking to think things to death, I of COURSE have to ponder this past year. It has been quite a year. I rang in 2011 with my Frosty Fat Ass 50k, which I completed with KZ in tow. Not long after I crashed again(or continued crashing...you decide)as I had been on a long, slow trip down the gutter after VT100...I spent the better part of the first few months of this year in Lyme Hell...in an antibiotic funk, on the couch. By March thing were shifting, I was able to start running again and feeling better. Things continued to improve from there. Me being me, I jumped right back into life and thankfully, that still has not come back to bite me in the behind. I did 8+ Ultras this year, some I finished, some I didn't. I got to pace a friend to their first 100m completion. I made plenty of mistakes, learned some things, spent many an hour on the trails with some incredibly great people. Despite some of the sad events that took place in my personal life I have to say I cannot remember a year where I have been happier, felt more *me*, or been healthier in my entire life. Yes, there have been episodes in my past that have brought me incredible happiness(marrying my Hubby, giving birth to my children) but I cannot remember an extended time in my life where I was happy for days/weeks/months. I'll take it. :)

Looking ahead, I have made plans...of course. I am still commited to not over-racing this year. I am very much wanting to be the best *pacer* possible, so I am planning my training with that in mind. 2 out of 3 of my pacing duties are in VT so my plan to run the mountain once a week will serve me well. I am hoping to run that route even more come Spring. My 3rd pacing duty is in CO so running mountains won't hurt for that either...

This whole 8m/day for 80 days *thing* has proved interesting. I *should* be resting right now as it is kind of my off season but...well, I feel good. I am not pushing things per se, I just wanted to see what I could do. Its been interesting as there are definitely days when I am starting out and I wish I could just go out and do a quick 5m but then I get going, feel pretty good and the 8m is done before I know it. I signed up to do a *Run Across America in 2012* thing on Daily Mile...basically it's a *race* to see who accumulates the 3075 miles it would take to get from coast-to-coast first. I figured it would be a good side goal for me since my plan is to definitely increase my overall weekly mileage...

I am still hoping to do some cross training, but this whole 8m a day with no breaks has shown me my body can handle more than I think. I have been reading some mighty inspiring blogs as of late about female utra-runners doing some pretty amazing things and I am feeling the need to do some pretty amazing things myself. I am definitely looking at more mileage, getting out on the trails more, and really improving my climbing. My goal for the end of the summer is to be able to run up the whole mountain. RUN, not power-hike. :) Though I am not planning more than 3 or 4 official races through the whoe season(May-Nov) I might jump into a few other events last minute. I am hoping to log at least a 50k e/o weekend from April on. I am hoping to become a very strong 50m runner this year...to the point that finishing is not an issue, nor is meeting cut-offs. Part of that will be my training on the trails as that is what slows me down. My road pace is continuing to improve but since I don't race in the roads, that is useless :) My trail pace must improve, which means I basically need to get my trail confidence back. I had some, way back when....I just need to get over my fear of falling...

Basically this year I really want to see what I can do, see what I am made of. Test my mental fortitude, as well as my physical abilities. Moreso in training than racing, but if this year goes well, 2013 could be a VERY interesting year...:) Lots of planning needs to go into this year, eating right, sleeping enough(always an issue) and increasing the training without over-training...I am having some foot issues right now that I need to get checked out but it hasn't slowed me down, just made things a bit more painful, lol. Hopefully it is nothing a visit to the Sports Med dude can't fix. I am hoping its simply the arthritis I have been left with from the Lyme, and not a stress fracture...THAT would suck! I am thinking it is not that severe as I can walk fine and as long as I am concious of my stride I can run mostly pain free.

Fueling will be crucial too. I am doing more and more raw which is awesome, and feels great but I need to be sure to get enough calories in. Lots of fruit will help, nuts and I are not completely friends so I can't count on them for cals, but fruit in green smoothies is always good, as I can soak dates and throw them in for added cals. I am not sure what I will do for races, as I seem to do better on less solid food...maybe just focusing on bringing green smoothies with me. I need to be sure I am consuming enough calories to recover well on a daily basis, and increase them as I increase my mileage...something I have not been careful of in the past, resulting in feeling like crap, not recovering well, and halting my ability to do more...I have been reading up on that as well. There are a few peeps who run ultras on raw and they consume massive amounts of food! I don't know if I can do that, they must be eating constantly, lol. I don't have that kind of time. That's why I am not commited to being 100% raw as if I need to make up cals with grains, sweet potatoes, squash etc...well, then I am. Plus, I am NOT giving up my morning oatmeal...I am hooked! :) I need to simply go with the flow and listen to what my body needs. If I really *tune in* I usually can figure it out and do pretty well.

So, I am pretty happy with this past year...in running AND in life. I am SO incredibly grateful for the people in my life who have supported me in running and in other areas of my life, and for the new friends I made this year as well as the old friends who have been there through it all. I am SUPER grateful for my health, that it continues to improve and that every day I wake up feeling OK, that I can go out and run, take care of my family, go hiking, ski with my kids(well, not exactly WITH them as they are SO much better than me, lol)and just participate in life. Looking forward to an even better 2012!!! :)

Baby its cold outside!

2011-12-19T08:54:00.000-05:00

Nothing like being SLAMMED into winter, lol! Woohoo! The last couple of days have been quite nippy, and me being less than a fan of the cold...I am layering up to run, that's for sure! Though, I must say I seem to be dealing with the cold this year better than years past...which is good.

So, I had my annual physical on Friday. I do not love my PC...she is ok, but she is definitely a doc-in-a-box. Not equipped to hande much beyond the normal cold/flu/annual physical type stuff. This is fine NOW, since I have Dr. MoW to handle everything else :) I checked out fine, I believe. No bloodwork was needed since my bloodwork from last year was stellar(believe it or not, lol)and we are trying to lower my thyroid med since Dr. MoW upped my LDN to the highest dose, of 4.5mg. Since my thyroid improved SO much over the last 6mo, I expect it to continue to improve with the LDN...we are going to recheck in 6mo. I woud love to only have to take a low dose of the thyroid too! I don't *think* I will ever be able to go completely off the Armour as I can't reverse the damage one to my thyroid but...who knows. Maybe it will compensate for itself! :) One can hope...

I have been slowly transitioning back to raw and I have to say I am happy with this. I will continue to do so, as it feels right for the time being. I am *craving* it so... :) I have been perusing my recipes and looking for soups, mostly as I know I will want soups as it gets colder...I used to put a bowl of raw soup or *pasta* on/near the woodstove to heat it up to the *acceptable raw temp* several years ago...I will probably do that again. Don't feel like dragging out the dehydrator just to heat up food when I can do it this way ;) I also need to get more ginger...I put ginger in my smoothies almost all winter as it helps with *heat* plus it helps with digestion. I forgot to get some when I was at TJ's last so I will hit a local store and pick some up. If you use it in your smoothies as well, I recommend soaking it first to soften it up THEN blend it. Trust me...works MUCH better that way, lol...

I have been continuously amazed at how well my 8m a day is going...I feel fantastic, not tired at all, my legs feel good, not like I am overtraining or anything...I am very excited. I couldn't get to the mountain this weekend due to time constraints, but am hoping to do a trail run both Sa/Su of next weekend. I am thinking that the trail *break* is helping too, since I am not taking a day off during this streak.

I have noticed, as of late, that I seem to be attracting people interested in either Lyme or Raw. Hmmm...maybe I should get back into that part of my life. Unfortunately, I let my website lapse, and I believe it is no longer active...which is easy enough to remedy...I still have my second book sitting on my desktop, unedited, unpublished, unfinished...maybe I need to give these things some thought and mental attention. I very much wanted to start a raw/coaching *business* and had put some things into motion but then...I never followed through. Perhaps I need to push that a bit more. I completed the training program 2 YEARS ago and then...well, sick got in the way, which is legit but now my excuse would be...??? Time to get back into the swing of things. I will be traveling at least twice a week to take the girl to indoor soccer practice, perhaps I should use that time to edit the book, revise my first book(which needs updating and revisions DESPERATELY) and shoot to publish both for the Spring, and maybe even look into getting my site back up. Sigh...Signs...like a 2x4 to the head. :)

For now, though...there is running to do, xmas gifts to wrap, mountains to ski, and things to knit. That should do it... :)

Just when I was about to get my knickers in a twist...

2011-12-15T09:43:00.000-05:00

I saw something great.

But let me back up a moment...

So, I mentioned my leanings towards getting back on to the raw food Path. I know it works for me, and I enjoy it, I have been feeing these litte pulls to get back to the basics for some time, especially when I decided to do the 8m-a-day challenge. Then I started perusing some of the old sites I used to frequent and I got pissed. Again. Everybody hates everybody else. One site says you MUST consume MASSIVE amounts of fruit every day to reach your bliss. If you don't do it THEIR way, you fail and are not a true raw foodist. If you are not totally blissed out, its your fault, you are doing it wrong. This site is FULL of angry people, bitching about every other raw food *guru* and saying how wrong everyone else is and how right they are, blahblahblah. Zip over to another site and fruit is EVIL, but hundreds of dollars worth of superfoods are the key to health. You can powder your way to heath! You too can be blitzed out on Maca and bee pollen and goji berries! Then there are all the sites in between with various levels of haters of anyne not doing what they are. Such is life, really. It is that way with ANY diet, ANY lifestyle, ANY belief. Seriously? What is UP with that? Why can't everyone just get along and agree to disagree, or respect that everyone needs to do what works for them?

Then, I saw this on my FB page...go watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKiZmeqfifU
Tim Van Orden is someone I have followed off and on over the years. I met him a few years back at one of my first trail races since college, and I also met another friend, Michael M(who has remained a friend) He has been a hard person to keep in contact with and I knew he had some issues in his personal life but I did not know to what extent. Now I do. I have to say, I am ABSOLUTELY going to watch and support his new video diary. The fact that as a successful raw foodist and successful runner, he is battling such severe depression DESPITE his *sunshiney* diet is showing how REAL he is. It also allows the rest of us who may have felt we were doing something wrong on the Path of raw food bc we didn't feel all blissed out and joyful 24/7, to see that its OK to be exactly where you are, in the moment you are in on this Path. You CAN follow this Path and STILL have sh*t going on in your life! Who knew? ;)

One of my issues when I was really sick, yet doing raw foods was the fact that I wasn't full of joy and health and/or completely HEALED by raw foods. I used to get so upset on these sites bc the *guru's* were telling the masses that all they needed to do was eat raw and eschew all else and they would be heaed/fine/cured regardess of the fact some people(myself incuded) had very REAL medical conditions that, while could be helped with a diet change, should not just jump into the raw pond and forgo all else. I do believe my diet has had a HUGE impact on my health, the extent to which I was sick to begin with, and my heaing/heath now. Is it the ONLY thing that helped? I doubt it. Would I recommend a raw diet to anyone with health/medical issues? Absoutely. At the very least, I would recommend starting to drink green smoothies every day. But, in all honesty, I don't much bother with what other people eat bc it is a very personal thing. If you want to eat meat, go for it. Just don't judge how I eat, and I won't judge you. I don't agree with meat eating, personally as I feel at the very least a whole foods vegetarian/vegan diet is best but your body, your life.

For me, right now, I am going to do a MOSTLY raw vegan Path. It is what I am being drawn to do health wise, spiritually, and what feels right for me. I say mostly, as right now I know I need to eat certian things, or WANT to eat certian things. Grains, for instance. Oatmeal in the morning has made a HUGE difference in how I feel on my runs, and in my energy for the day(eat breackfast, who knew? lol) I am not going to mess with that for now. I like to add a cup of cooked grains to my salad midday, usually quinoa or brown rice or amaranth. It works for me. Not every day, but particularly after a longer run. I have tried sprouting grains but they do start to ferment and my stomach simpy cannot handle fermented foods aside from the occasional miso soup. I am LOVING Trader Joe's rice tortillas to make a wrap once in a while. I also do not feel the need to be SO pure that I cannot exist outside my sheltered environment.

I know there are a few random ultrarunners out there who are raw, and when I say few, I mean FEW. I think to be 100% raw and do ultras is ALMOST impossible. I say ALMOST, bc it is being done, but I really think those people are in the minority(kudos to them!) and even the Frutitarian who won VT100 last year will eat non-raw foods during races if his body needs/craves it(good for him!!!) Personally, for me it always comes back to the running. Running is THE most important thing, if it prevents me from achieving my running goals, I am not doing it. My longer term goals are to run MORE not less, and this 8m/day challenge is simpy a stepping stone for me as I do want to run even more miles and of course diet will be key as I need to eat optimaly for *me* in order to keep up the mileage that I am planning, recover well, and ultimatey run longer races. Since this is a building year for me as opposed to a year where I will wreck myself racing every other week for months on end, I am focused on fueling as well as I can.

So all this rambing to say that though many raw foodies may live in a state of utter joy and bliss, the rest of us don't. We get depressed, cranky, bitchy and unicorns and rainbows do not follow us around. Our diets are just fine, thankyouverymuch, we are simply REAL people dealing with the reality that has been dealt to us. Its ok. Perfection is WAY overrated :)

Thoughts...I have them.

2011-12-11T10:08:00.001-05:00

I was watching the WS list finalize, happy for all those who got in. I love staking that race, it is THE ultimate 100m...sort of like the Boston Marathon of ultra running, lol. Got me thinking about my own racing next year and I realized I have signed up for nothing but am pacing at 3 races(incuding Leadville, if I can swing it, WOOHOO) My training will be mostly so I can be a stellar pacer! I do have 2 races I want to do for sure, then I will basically just wing it. I really want to run smart this year. I have some super-seekrit-squirrel thoughts for 2013 so this year will be interesting...

I am on day day 4 of my 88 days of 8 miles...heading out to do my once-a-week mountain/trail run. The mountain is still not open for skiing so I can safely get up and down as long as I avoid where they are making snow...I *think* the trail I use will be ok, coming back down might get hairy, lol, we'll see. The plan is for about 10 miles but if I have to pick a different trail it could turn into 12...ah, well. :) It will be slow, as due to my streak I have no days off so I need to be able to recover and be back out doing 8m tomorrow.

I will be posting some recipes later as I am very deticated to eating more balanced and focused :) I took a plunge and made overnight crock-pot oatmeal for this morning and I have to say...it was good! I was scared, lol...but I am having issues with keeping my weight steady and I *know* I need to eat breakfast and SHOULD eat before I go run...I always feel better and run better if I do. I have seen a lot of people who swear by oatmeal, so I thought I'd give it a try. I needed to remember to get the GF oats though as the other kind never worked for me (plus the dude with the hat is on the GMO list...grrr...) I used steel cut oats for this morning, and I did like the texture! I ate it plain this morning but I am thinking chia seeds and craisins tomorrow...I have noticed that if I am concious about my eating, and actually consume enough calories/nutrition I recover and feel better...go figure. I have almost no appetite(thank you antibiotics) so I never really *feel* hungry which sounds great but really isn't as I never get the signal to eat...which means there are many days I simply don't eat much. Not good. I am hoping that by adding breakfast in every day, things will improve and I will notice a positive difference. :)

I am very much looking forward to skiing this year...I missed out on a lot last year, and I never even got to use my snowshoes. Since I have found my trails, I am chompin' at the bit to get out and try them! AND we happen to have a decent cc ski/snowshoe *place* in the next town that I definitely want to check out this year. I haven't cc skiied since before JD was born but I would love to get out and do it once in a while :)

I have to say, I am really in a good place right now...feeling incredibly grateful for what I have, the people in my life, etc. I can rememebr forever ago when I was just not happy. It took a long time, but I have defintiely evolved into someone else, and I always find something to be happy about. No matter what is going on, you can always be grateful for SOMEthing. Or, someone :) I am truly happy every day, no matter what comes my way and it is a good feeling. Life is short, and finding the good in every day is a good practice to get into, imo. :) Try it and see...letting the negative crap simpy roll off your back and not take up space in your life. You always have the choice of what you allow into your life and though I used to choose chaos and drama...I have replaced that with things that bring me joy. That is not to say there is never any chaos or drama in my life, but now I choose to deal with it differently. I give it FAR much less energy and time than I used to. I am not the most patient person on the planet, and maybe running ultras has given me a different perspective on things. When you spend as much time as I(and other ultra runners) do out running/training alone it really does change your perspective on things. All that time to think/disect/ponder...its a good thing as you can't hide from yourself when you are *out there*. I think that is what finaly pushed me to make the changes I have, along with having rea-life experiences of just how short life is...makes you realize what is important and what you simply need to let go.

And on that note...I am off to run in the woods :)

Things Made-of-Win

2011-12-09T19:44:00.000-05:00

I totally forgot to post in my very long-winded post that I had my 6mo follow up with my Immunologist the other day. Firt I simply HAVE to sing his praises again. This man SAVED MY LIFE. He was the first and ONLY doctor I saw who actually listened to me, respected me, and honored what I was telling him about my body and what I was going through. I find it funny that the Dr. who actualy diagnosed me with Lyme originally, completely gave up on me when the first abx he tried didn't work(I reacted severely). This was fine, actualy as the guy had the personality of a brick and suffered from a SEVERE case of Small Man Syndrome(aka I am the doctor do what I say-itis) When I first came to my Immunologist I was very ill and at the end of my rope. He competely respected my desire to treat myself hoistically, and also have some say in my own care. He read not only my ENTIRE file(which is very thick, lol) but every article, and piece of information I ever brought him. *I* was the one who found the drug I am on now and brought the info to him which he then researched for me. I was a one person experiment for him with this drug as he never precribed it before. I even bought him a book on it, which he was genuinely super excited about :)

So, we have a unique relationship as he very much gets me, and I also have a HUGE amount of respect for him for being an outside-of-the-box thinking doctor. When I saw him Wednesday, he said that it was as if I had taken 20 years off my life, in regaining the health I now have. (as in, I am 20 years younger, not that I shortened my life, lol) He's right...I have never been totally healthy in my entire adult life. I was not this active/healthy when I was in my 20's...after I got bitten, it was simply a slow downhill trainwreck, with breaks here and there.

He was thrilled and amazed that as a side effect of this med, my thyroid antibodies are now below 20(which is normal) down from over 900 (not normal, lol) and I am hoping that this will mean eventually I can reduce my thyroid med dose. Not sure if I can ever go off it competely as I can't reverse the damage that has already been done to my thyroid, but this is HUGE. :) We (and I say we bc all the decisions made are between both he and I)decided to up my dose to the top dose given to see if that last ittle bit will help with the lingering issues I am having. My pharmacist suggested it for ease(he is a very cool guy as well...I am so lucky!) but I hadn't wanted to change anything when I was doing so well. I seem to be at a very stable place so I feel ok going up this last little bit. It won't hurt and it can only help! If it wipes out these last few issues, awesome. If how I am now is as good as it gets, I am competely happy and ok with that as this is pretty darn awesome!!!

So, what I call my anniversary for getting well is actually March as it was in March that I really started to notice I was getting better. I have been growing my hair long all this time and had this plan of cutting my hair(not short, just a cut) to get rid of all the end stuff, the *sick* hair(and you really could tell the difference between the hair!)in March. But, I decided I wasn't going to wait. I was due to Henna it so I decided I would cut it now. What a difference to not have that sick hair anymore!!! I bet I cut about 5" off though it is still long...and now I know it will continue to grow as healthy hair :)

Now, on a food bend since I am trying to improve that area of my life as well, I give you a link. You simply MUST check out this blog of GF/vegan recipes...omg. http://sketch-freeveganeating.blogspot.com/ I have a file on my desktop that I need to print out so I can make some of the recipes...MAJOR yum!

Musings and a personal challenge...

2011-12-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

So, now that the race season is over, I have commited to *resting* as much as I am able...which frankly isn't much. I feel good NOW, sans some knee issues I have due to the fact(I believe) I have slacked off on my PT. Well, I need something to do, something to focus on and I promised myself I wouldn't run over 10m for 2mo (except for the Frosty First Fat-Ass 50k I am putting on)...so I came up with a plan. But first, my musings...

I have been toying with the idea of going back to raw. Problem is, whenever I read into it again I start to resist it...I think I really do not want that *extremeist* lifestyle...I know that sounds contradictory due to the type of running I do but really, I am not THAT extreme in my running, just in the types of races I do, which compared to some, is a drop in the bucket :)

So, back to raw...I enjoy it, I know I benefit from it and it works for me for the most part but...I just don't *want* it 100%. I can see myself doing 75% and being totally ok with that. The problem I see with people doing 100% raw vegan is they get so locked into a way of being that it dictates EVERYTHING they do...almost to the point of being cult-like. That and the fact they become SO *clean* that living in today's not-so-clean society becomes dangerous. Now unless you are going to move to some remote island that is free of polution, bacteria, etc it doesn't seem practical, imo, to do this. Now, I know there are people who CAN do it in this society, and that is awesome but I really believe it is the exception to the rule...as I read more people are struggling with trying to stay raw...why is it so hard for them? Why is it so hard period? Seems to me that when peope choose a certian lifestyle they want to live it should be something that balances them. We struggle when we are out of balance. We also struggle when something is new, which is understandable. But when that struggle continues...you have to wonder what's up.

There are a plethora of reasons, from food addictions to allergies to illness that can make it more difficult to alter ones diet and I get and accept that. I have certianly had my fair share of struggles with allergies, and illness for that matter, that have made being solely raw more complicated that I wanted it to be. Now, more than anything I simply want balance in my life...and I also want to listen to what my body needs, as opposed to what *I* want. I have tried VERY hard to raise my children to have a healthy relationship with food, to honor their *cravings* to listen to what they need and to understand what kinds of foods are better choices. I think I have done ok, as at least Max and Lilly are pretty good when it comes to making choices as far as what and how much to eat. Jeffrey has trouble, but part of that is being on the Spectrum I think wires him differently...I am willing to be he isn't the only ASD kid who would live on starch and cheese... :) It is a struggle to get fruits and veggies into him, which worries me some, but he does eat heathy starch and cheese and will eas SOME veggies so...eh, we do the best we can.

So, my goal is to eat more balanced. Not that I don't have a good diet, as for the most part I do. But, I want to let go of the notion that I need to eat a certian way, to live by a label that defines me as I am not a label. I'm not going to go all carnivorous on y'all, but whether I am vegetarian/vegan/raw or some combo of all three because that's what works...so be it. I think it is SO much more important to be a conscious consumer than to label oneself...KNOW what you are putting in your body and where it came from. If you cannot pronounce the ingredients do you REALLY want to eat it?

My personal challenge to myself involves running of course :) but also diet. My goal, starting today 12/8 is to run 8m a day for 88 days. I can run more,(not more than 10 until the end of Jan.) but not less. I can break it up any way I want but at the end of the day it needs to total 8m. Several reasons for doing this...I want to raise my *baseline* for running...right now 6.5m is what I would consider my baseline, meaning at any given time I can go out and crank out 6.5m with no issue. I want to raise that to 8-10m a day by late next Spring. I also want to make sure that at the very least I am drinking one green smoothie a day. There was a time that it was a non-issue bc I DID drink at least one a day but now...not so much. I want to get back into that habbit as it is a good one, one I benefit from greatly :)
I am also getting back into PT and some strength training that I let slip...hoping to gain some overall strength, lower my BF and increase lean muscle mass(without losing any more weight). My weight got a little low for a while, and though the woman part of me was all HEY check it out! The logical part of me was more of a HELL NO bend. I know where my weight needs to stay in order to run the way I do. To lose weight would not be wise...particularly when I lose so much during races.(which is a hydration issue, but still...) Plus, I already have no butt, lol, so I don't want to start looking all gaunt. Not a good look. :)

That's the goal and plan for now...oh, and maybe to write more than once a month so I don't go on and on ad nauseum...if you made it to this point, cookies for you! (gf and vegan...lol)

Splitting the difference.

2011-11-21T09:43:00.002-05:00

So, the Nougat wasn't exactly a success...but it was not a failure. I did not end up doing the full 100k and I am perfectly ok with that. The day WAS a success in many other ways having nothing to do with mileage. I ended up running 42ish miles, at a BLISTERING 16min/mile pace, lol, but it was all good. Could I have gone faster? Probably, but I would have missed out on hy I was actually there.

This was one of THE best runs I have had all year. I never felt tired, I never felt like I wanted to stop, I got to run with lots of different people and thoroughly enjoy myself out on the trails on what will probably be the last great weather day of the season. By slowing down I had time to think during the quiet moments, chat with friends who truly understand *me*, get to know new friends and simply *be*...and it was fantastic. I was actually able to EAT during this run(score!) I am back to drinking coconut water/water which was great, my kidneys worked regularly(enough said) and I was only down 3lbs after the run. NO nausea whatsoever, and other than my hands swelling up which they haven't done in a long time, (might have been from taking salt when I didn't really need it) I had no issues whatsoever.

We started at 5am, a decent sized *early* group. Off in the dark we went, which is always a challenge for me as I am completely night blind. Even with a good headlamp and a strong flashlight, I fell behind the group as I simply could not see well enough to navigate the technical trails quick enough to keep up. The pace was fine, ery easy, but I am far from sure-footed and the MANY rocks and roots were too much of an issue in the dark. I decided at that time that regardless of how I felt, I would only run until it got dark again, as I knew running in the dark a second time would be even slower and though I knew the RD said he would wait, I wasn't going to do that to him :) Plus I really do not enjoy running in the dark when I am tired, and don't have my wits about me.

Once the sun came up it was great. I caught up and we all stayed together for the first 15.5m loop and the first part of loop 2, then things began to spread out. My pal Steve was having a time of it and I decided that I was going to run with him. He wanted to do a 50k and I said I would stay with him and we would get it done. He is THE reason I finished Stone Cat and the least I could do is return the favor :) We spent the next few hours moving forward in a hike/run fashion just enjoying the day. Got to talk about his new book, our year, what we were going to do differently next year, and just life stuff. It is always a pleasure to run with Steve...he is a good friend(even if he does poke fun at me endlessly, lol)

When I arrived with Steve at the 50k point, my friend Brenda was there to *pace* me until I wanted to stop. Brends is a big bundle of sunshine and giggles and I cannot help but be happy when I am with her! We headed out at the snail pace, as I really didn't feel like going a whole lot faster as it just felt comfortable to continue along at this pace. Brenda already did a race that morning but drove out to run again anyways! She is super :) So we got another couple hours in on the trails. I really felt like I could keep going and at least hit 50m but it was getting dark and I knew I would not make it through the next loop before dark. So, I called it quits at 42m. It was nice to end on a good note, feeling great, and I knew this way I could get home in time to relax and see my family before the night was over.

Now I am entering a forced rest phase, lol. I have made the commitment to not run more than 10m at a time for the next 2 months (forgetting of course that I promised a friend I would do 25m with him to scout out a race course next weekend...ooops!) I want to give my body a break, and also start focusing more on trails. I do NOT run enough trails, period. My speed on the road keeps getting better, but without training on trails, my trail speed never improves. I can remember a time in my life where I was actually an ok trail runner bc I never ran anything BUT trails. I need to get back to that. I am working on connecting some trails near me, so I have easy access and no excuses, and I also want to utilize the mountain more(yeah, that mountain that is only 2.5m from my house...)

Next year, I am really commited to not doing more than 3 races. I have promised to pace 2 people in races, and there are a few fat-asses I will do, maybe some TARC timed races...but that is what I would use as long training runs, as it is nice to get out with friends and run and that is something that brings us all together...plus they are usually free/very low cost. I am looking at Pinelands in May, because I have never done it and it is a whole weekend of activities that the family could come to and participate in, VT50, even though I said never again, a FB friend is going to travel here to do that race to meet a few of us so I HAVE to go ;), and probably Ghost Train. I reserve the right to get sucked into Stone Cat again, though entry next year is going to get wierd, so I am not going to count that one...:) This way I will be healthy and well trained for my pacing duties, and can really have FUN. Hopefully, I will be able to have 3 successful races as well, since I won't be *racing* every few weeks like I did this year.

As great as I feel, I *know* I need to be careful and not take ANYTHING about my health for granted. I have no idea how long this med I am on will work. I am hoping forever, but I need to do my part too, and overdoing things, though my style :), is probably not the best idea. So...time to reel things in and be a bit more deliberate in my training and racing.

For today, I will be staying in my pj's all day, eating potato/okra/spinach soup with my feet up. :)

The Logic...it escapes me. Often.

2011-11-13T08:34:00.000-05:00

So, against my better judgement(this assuming I had any, lol) I have decided to attempt the full Nougat 100k next weekend. Stone Cat was rough, indeed, but I mostly did it to myself by making dumb mistakes(well minus that whole 40 degree water thing...). Other than some foot and calf grunkiness, I recovered pretty well and the massage helped tremendously :). Mostly, I decided because this is the kind of *race* I like...no pressure, generous time limit, Fat-Ass style...I know I don't have to chase any time cut-offs, and if I want/need to drop down to 50m or even 50k I could...though my intention is to do 100k and go out of this year with a bang :) This WILL be my last race of the year, after which I plan on taking at least a month, maybe 2 where I do not run any single run over 10 miles. This will give my body a chance to rest, and maybe I can get some cross training in...skiing, some snow-shoeing(that just looks...wrong.) maybe even some cc skiing...things I have neglected over the years for fear it would impact my running.

I have also decided that 2012 will NOT be the year I attempt 100m. I have agreed to pace at 2 races of 100+m for 2 friends of mine, and I will do some races myself but I think another year of 50's would be in my best interest. I think with my digestive *situation* being what it is, 100m is something that would do more harm than good. I really do not need to do that to myself. The sweating/hydrating piece is what it is, and I know how *I* am and feel that wouldn't be an issue if I picked the RIGHT 100, but I am simply not feeling the drive to do it. I would rather spend the energy helping someone else finish a hundred(or more). I also want to do more cycling, with the hopes it improves my indurance without the added pounding of more running. I know I can only do so many miles per week before I risk the chance of injury and burnout, so I am adding cycling to that mix next year. And swimming, as I am going to be *pacing* a friend during an EPIC swim challenge she is doing. So, I have a pretty interesting year ahead for 2012.

I have an appt with Dr. MoW in a few weeks and I am going to see if he will up my LDN to the maintenance dose of 4.5mg...I am hoping that just that slight increase will straighten out these last few *issues* I seem to have. Unfortunately, the damage done to my gut from all the antibiotics may take a VERY long time to rectify. I am about to start my Peppermint Oil again and see if that will help as it made such a huge difference when I was on it before. I am at a point though that I am SO adverse to taking any *pills*....I used to take pills by the fistfull not that long ago, and I am a little PTSD about it now...I take NOTHING other than my thyroid and LDN, I switched to a powdered multivitamin even! The thought of taking any pills...I have flashbacks! Its so silly, really, but it was very traumatic to me to have to take ALL those pills every day. But, in this case, I need to remind myself that these are things I am doing to be MORE healthy, not bc I am *sick* per se...

I am also starting to take 2 different herbal tinctures...Viral-Attack and Healthy Liver Tonic. I was going to wait until my labs were in after seeing the Doc but I think I shoud start now as it is that time of year where people are starting to get sick. Because my immune system doesn't work *predictably* I never know what I will/will not get and how I will react and what will set me back. So, I figure I better be safe. :) The tinctures are liquid(duh) and again, I can do that, its pills I can't seem to do.

I have pretty much abandoned my raw-ness for the time being...my digestion is just too off...well, with the exception of green smoothies, of course. I have learned to let go of the need for *perfection* and do not feel bad about not being able to be THAT perfect raw vegan. I know I need to do what I need to do to be HEALTHY. If that means I cook my food, than so be it. If that means I eat, gasp, EGGS (go ahead, take my vegan card, lol) than I will. (I know where they come from...literally, I can tell you which chicken butt the eggs came out of, lol) With my food choices being so limitted to begin with, I will eat what I can, when I can and I am really ok with that. Honestly, that alone has made a big difference. I still think raw veganism is THE best way to eat, but right now its not the best way for *me*...and that is ok.

And with that, I am off to do a lovely 11m run by the windmills...Injoy!

Thoughts on running and autoimmune stuff...

2011-11-08T08:41:00.000-05:00

Several days out from Stone Cat and I have many thoughts. Though this won't surprise ANYONE who knows me, lol, as I typically like to beat a dead horse LONG after its dead...

This was an interesting race. I feel like I *should* have done better, and maybe I could have had I not made the clothing/supplement mistakes I had made...maybe not. I am not disappointed with my run AT ALL. I am really happy that I did not quit(though in the moment, not so much, lol) and that I reminded myself of just how much I can do. Having had the experience of not being able to run when I was sick, and thinking I might never run again....makes me TRULY appreciate every run I do :) I simply LOVE to run, and am so grateful I still can.

While out there, though, I did think about all the races I ran and how it seemed like every other race was great, then every other race was not so great. That should tell me something, eh? I was doing a race almost every 2 weeks from June(May?) until now. I know some people can race like that but me...I really shouldn't. Mentally I want to, but I think I am physically taking a HUGE risk.

I have said to friends numerous times that I need to be so careful. My health has been great lately sans a few issues and I really don't want to risk losing that. The LDN has truly been a miracle drug for me and though I know it doesn't work for everyone with Chronic Lyme (and I SO wish it did!) I am definitely one of the lucky ones. In general, I am running the best/longest I have since starting ultras and I am so incredibly grateful for that. The few issues I am having I know are partly due to my body continuing to adjust to the LDN and my immune system trying to right itself. My last thyroid test showed NO signs of Hashimoto's, which is something else LDN helps and was amazing considering how crazy high my numbers used to be! This also tells me that my body is no longer going all sorts of nutty on itself. Well, at least somewhat..

I still seem to have trouble with stomach issues/digestion/food allergies which seem to be at an all time high right now. I noticed after SC that I just could. not. eat. Normally I will eat anything not nailed down, to make up for all the calories burned during the run. It is very hard for me to consume enough calories DURING the run as my digestion sucks to begin with, add running 50 miles to that...yeah, no. I seem to be able to manage on liquid calories, and then eat my weight in al things food the next day. This time...it was rough. I was reacting to everything I ate...even things I don't react to. Not good.

The LDN works in phases, it seems (and so says the info on it) and this means that even though I have been on it for almost a year, I am still experiencing different affects from it. I notice that during pms I am having an immune response of some kind that feels like a relapse coming on, but only lasts about 3 days or so. Odd. I have NO seasonal allergies whatsoever, which is very cool, but the food allergies and chemical sensitivities are a PITA. Hopefully that will shift, but hard to say...I will probably get retested in Dec. when I see my immunologist the fabulous Dr. Made-Of-Win.

The tricky part of all of this is until my labs show I am over a certian number, I can't say I am *safely* well. We are getting closer...as the number we are watching that needs to be at least over 100(normal people are over 200, I was 19 when we started) and I am at 60 last check. I will be checked again in Dec and cross my fingers. It feels a wee bit like Russian Rouette and so far I have won but... you never know. Until I am in the safe zone, anything can happen. I am trying to be good but I am so NOT good at taking things easy... :) I am trying to be concious of it though...Should I take more days off? Probably. Should I taper, do less races, etc, etc? Eh, who knows. I do feel like I probably did too many based on my performance this year, not based on how I feel as I seem to recover very well. Next year though, I do plan on doing less.

I am already pretty much sure that trying for 100m in 2012 is off the table. Until I am SURE I am in the *safe zone* it is simply too big a risk, especially after what happened last time, which I am sure was part of what sent me into my last relapse. Instead, I am going to do some pacing, maybe a couple choice 50m races and then Fat-Asses and timed runs where I can simply get out and do what I love...run for a long time with some of the greatest people I know. :) I also would like to do more cross training, biking specifically, and some swimming as I am going to be doing an epic swim with a good friend of mine :)

I also need to get out on the trails more. Now that I have found the trails by my house I need to spend more time on them. I know my lack of trail training slows me down. Once or twice a month just ain't cuttin' it :) Trails are a different beast, requiring different muscles and focus...something I haven't done much of in a while...its been a LONG time since I used to run trails daily...I miss that.

Sigh. All in all, it is what it is, I suppose...time to head out for a run. :)

A twofer :)

2011-11-06T13:30:00.000-05:00

Since I am the epitome of a slacker blogger, yer gettin' 2 race reports and various brain dumpings today :).

First off- my 40m Bday run.
I have a great 8m loop that I run which is mostly roads but I love it. I used this as the base of my *course* for the run as I could use my house as the aid station. The first loop I added to making it 12.5miles then it was 2 8m loops followed by another 11.5m loop which included 4m on Mt. Wachusett.

The first loop was great, tried to take it easy as I really wanted to run as much of this as I could, as a training run for Stone Cat. My friends Michelle, Dave and Mark came out to run with me and we all did this loop together. Mark actually came out early and got in 16m before we started as he couldn't stay all day. We were not super quick through the aid stations, but we didn't dally too much. My Hubby had set up a plan whereby he had a box for me to open after each lap, which was very cool :) My first lap was a John Deere winter hat(we love John Deere's here)

Mark left us, and we headed out on our second loop. It was a perfect day, the weather was great- sunny with a breeze, in the 50's. We were jabbering so much the miles passed pretty quickly! We finished up loop 2 and Michelle opted out of loop 3 as her tootsies were aching from all the pavement, but she was going to rejoin us for loop 4. Loop 2 left me with a gift of a John Deere steering wheel cover:) Somewhere in here my friend Pranee came out with her adorable baby to run/walk a loop. I was so happy to see her! Dave and I headed out for loop 3 and got in our own groove with tunes, and conversation. At the end of loop 3 Michelle was waiting for us ready to go. I got my 3rd box which was a massage gift certificate! :) We also found out Pranee got lost and was WAY far away, so Hubby was sent off to find her. Loop 4 was different as we were going to head to Mt Wachusett and summit. Also, Jeffrey was going to join us when we hit the woods for the last 8m.

The last loop was the best, imo. Though we were tired, and the mountain was SO crowded(like, panic attack crowded) we got it done. Jeffrey had a great time with Michelle talking her ear off, and Dave and I brought up the rear. We got back home, having run about 8:30 for the whole thing and I felt really good. My final gift was a CAR! My Hubby found me a 240 Volvo wagon, which I LOVE in this awesome yellow color :) Also, Dave had completed his FIRST Ultra distance ever which was very cool :) (Oh, and we found Pranee btw, and she was tired and sore but happy)

All in all, it was a sucessful run, and a good day spent with great people.

Stone Cat 50m
I headed into this race feeling pretty good. I even took *2* days off this week! I had planned to do the first half in 5-5:30 and the second half in 6hrs...I really wanted to come in under 12 hours. Ya know how that goes... :) Friday my stomach was all out of sorts which I was hoping would rectify before Saturday. Other than that I felt like I was ready to go.

It was going to be chilly to start, I knew that much but I had anticipated it warming up some and didn't want to overdress with my sweatiness and all...that was mistake number one. I should have worn pants of some sort for the first lap (or the whole thing) I also wore my Mafates, which are waterproof. That means NO DRAINAGE. Oy. Mistake number 2. I did not have my SCaps, and had to rely on Enduroytes which I thought would be fine since it was cold but should have known better as they really don't work for me...so I was nauseous pretty much from hour 2 on...So, it was not setting up to be a good day.

Lap one I ran most of with Michelle, or at least had her in my sight. Once we went through the water at mile 3.75 (a .2m stretch of sometimes calf deep FRIGID water that was unavoidable) I realised my errors at this point. My feet were now soaked and stayed that way for 8.5 more miles, I was so cold I was shivering, and I could barely speak. This my friends, is not a good thing, contrary to what my Hubby might say. I was not sure what was going to happen at this point as since I could no longer feel my feet I was not clearing any obstacles aka kicking every gawd-forsaken root and rock in my path. Though I couldn't feel that either, it would trip me up and I knew that jamming my already arthritic feet was my undoing at my first attempt at SC. First lap done in 2:35ish.

Lap two was better. Before I headed out I ate some ginger to quell the nausea I was plagued with(already, grrr) put on some clothes, wool socks and my other sneakers, my Stinsons. I also donned a pair of fleece socks as gloves and a winter hat. This all made a HUGE difference. Though my second lap was slower, the water section still sucked, BUT my shoes drained and my feet dried and thawed some. However, I was now walking the hills as I felt kind of junky. I was contemplating the effect of how many races I had done in the last few months(probably too many), my training(not enough time on trails), and my rookie mistakes(I know better) that were culminating in me wondering if in fact I could finish this thing. I gave myself a good smack-down, reminding myself I still had plenty of time, my family was coming all the way out here to watch me FINISH, not DNF, and THE JACKET. Could I really let another year go by without getting the Jacket? Especially when it was the best one they have had to date? Oh, HELL no.Lap 2 done in 2:50.

Lap 3 was when the wheels were really starting to come off. The nausea I had been battling all day was preventing me from consuming enough calories and the lack of proper electrolytes made my legs crampy. My feet were gettng cold again and the water section was really painful this time through. Then I fell. I caught my foot on a rock(again) and went head-long into a cold, deep mud puddle. My calves imediately cramped and I was stuck. I could not move, or get up and I was alone...so I waited for the cramps to subside and off I went. Cold and wet, yet again. But now the added bonus of being covered with mud. Hey, if you are clean you didn't have fun, right? ;) Somewhere after this, I think at the next aid station, my friend Steve caught up with me and we spent the next section running together. He was not having the best day either, so we had time to chat about too many races, our aches and pains, and what we would do if we didn't make the cut-off, which we were dangerously close to. We did the whole *I don't care* BS but I think on some level we probably both did, though it wouldn't have hit us until today. Steve motored on in the last mile and I simply hung on. I was pretty sure I was done since I *thought* the cut-off was 3 or 3:15pm and I was not going to make either time. In THAT moment, I really did not care bc I was in so much pain. Hubby met me about .5m out and said I had 20 mins to finish and I could make it. I told him I didn't care, I didn't want to go on, to which he responded I should just get there and then decide, as Steve was waiting for me. Ugh :) He waited. Lap 3 2:55ish.

Lap 4. Another 10mins in the aid station to grab pants, gloves, more ginger, and to say hi to the kiddos and the 50m winner(who, not only kicked butt on the course, he STAYED and volunteered after! He is made of awesome sauce for sure)off we went. But, not before we dragged along another gal who *thought* she was done :) We figured we would stick together and get through the loop...somehow. It was going to be tough as Steve and I were definitely hurting and our new friend Marilyn had her fair share of mishaps throughout the day, a stellar bunch we were not, lol. I will say despite the agony, that farking water, my frozen nubs, and my emo moments during the last 5m, the loop was actually pretty fun. We chatted most of the way, Steve had us *shuffling* whenever he could motivate us, as did Marilyn(I was never in that motivating role, mind you...lol) and despite being PUSHED through aid stations(literally, someone was PUSHING Steve! We were last...)We met up with the actual last person through the cut-off who caught up with us and eventually passed us. He hung with us for a while and pulled us along with his rather zippy hike pace which was great.

That last 5m was rough. We made it to the last aid station before dark but we knew we would be running in the dark. I don't mind starting a race in the dark, bc I know it WILL get light. But to still be running when it gets dark really messes with my head. I had to ask for mileage updates from Steve to keep myself in check, as I knew I had come that far, I only had 3, 2, 1 more mile to go. We aso had this REALLY nice biker/sweeper guy follow us in. He was very nice, and encouraged us the whole way. He kept his distance most of the way but caught up with us the last mile or 2 and kept us company. Somewhere in the last mile or 2 our friend Marilyn got her last burst of mojo and off she went! She did great and was running SANS headlamp! Steve and I were greeted by my kiddos and Trooper Dave at the back of the field(the home stretch) which was lit up with flares, and we got the traditional Person Tunnel reserved for the last runner(s) to finish. It was pretty cool. Trooper Dave, Michelle, Rob(who finished his FIRST 50!) and my family were all there and it was awesome to see them. I got hugs from Michelle, who made me cry a good cry and I GOT THE JACKET! I thanked Steve...whom I didn't like very much for part of that last lap :) but honestly, I never would have gone out for that last lap without him. Lap 4 done in 3:40ish.

All in all, it was a good day. Despite all the mistakes, it is a cool course, I got to see so many of my Ultra peeps and let me tell you what a great group of peope they all are. I have met some truly fantastic people I am proud to call friend through this sport. I was also reminded what can happen if I don't plan well. Despite that, I did finish which reminds me just how much I CAN do, if I push outside my comfort zone and go with it. I always think this course is an *easy* 50 but really, it isn't that easy. There are no HUGE hills, but it is significantly rolling, and technical.

I did ok with hydration, probably should have drank more but with the nausea I had trouble. Was down some in the wt. dept but no more than is normal for me, and will be made up today between drinking and eating. My legs feel pretty good(thank you Hokas!) but my feet/toes ankles are absolutely trashed. Trying to walk is comedic. Unfortunately, I am not sure I will bounce back in a day or so as per usual, it could be a few days before I can run again...we will see how it goes. A hot bath and a massage may do the trick! :) Sleeping last night was a trip, as my body didn't realize it was done and I kept twitching and *tripping* in my sleep.

The Jacket...she is mine. :)

Next up? Possibly Nougat 100k...though I am leaning more towards 50k(hell, 25k anyone?) which I am sure will change as soon as the memory of this pain fades and the crazy slips back in :) I have thought about spacing out my races more though, as I am not sure 2 races a month for months on end is the best choice but that is just about what I was doing. Its a bit rough on the old body and I am certianly pushing my luck with my health. Time to have a *down season* and scale back and relax some...maybe pick a few key races for next year and do more Fat Asses and/or timed events where there is less pressure to chase cut-offs and its more about getting out there and running really far with friends. :) Sounds good to me. :)

VT50...K

2011-09-26T11:24:00.000-04:00

I really didn't want to do this race. My training has been great, I have been feeling great, everything is, well...great. :) But, my mind...not so much. I just didn't have it in me. I knew this ahead of time, and add to this my youngest was telling me not to go as I am in the driveway ready to leave, and my daughter calling me that night to tell me things were 'terrible and she missed me very much and wanted me to come home'...yeah. No excitement there. Normally I am really excited before a race, and even nervous...as these distances are not for the faint hearted. You never know what can happen come race day, and no matter how much you train and prepare there are always things outside your control that can happen. I think that is part of the lure for me, the adventure. Or, your brain can just say 'yeah...no.'

I got to VT around 2pm, checked in and headed to the campground. I sleep in my car so there was no set up needed. I ate my lunch/dinner and I decided to try and nap since I knew I wouldn't sleep well that night. Plus, I had some time before my friend Steve would arrive. Once he got there we hung out and chatted for a while which actually lifted my spirits a bit...he even tried to build us a fire...which failed miserably, lol. Not for lack of trying, he got some bad wood and with how wet it had been in VT the last week, there was no way he could have gotten it going without girl-scout juice and a torch! Went to bed around 9pm and set my alarm...which is so funny as I always am awake before it rings. :)

I was up and ready by 4:30 as was Steve so we headed up to the race knowing parking would be unreal...with 500 mountain bikers and 300 runners and their cars, it can get a bit hairy. We hung out and did the pre-race thing, met up with other runners, etc...its so funny that I travel almost 2 hours away and will see runners that live in my town or the next town over whom I NEVER see locally, lol.

It was VERY humid, and though it wasn't overly warm at that point, the humidity was definitely going to be a factor. I knew that there had been some changes to the course as it changes a little bit each year, but there were extra changes this year due to the hurricane. The start of the race was different, and I thought I was going to have 4m of easy road running to get into my groove and bank some time...which did not happen. I started slow, which was ok, but never was able to find a groove where I could pick up the pace, which got me in the end as I never got faster, only slower.

During the first miles I had sort of contemplated doing the 50k, as I knew(or thought, anyways) that we had the option of turning off somewhere in the 7-8m range to follow the 50k course. I *thought* I knew where the spot was but when we passed it there was not marked turn-off...so by mile 10 I figured I was stuck in the 50m. My plan then was to simply run until I timed out...whenever that was. I was trying to do the math in my head but...I suck at math. :)

I passed through the 12.5m aid station and saw Leah, aka part of Team Roberts. She was doing the relay and came out of the aid station close behind me so I waited and we ran together. Well, ran until The Hill. Holy hills! That is one long stretch of hill out of that aid station! The view was wonderful but WOW. It was this hill that was my mental undoing. I *would* have liked to run that hill, as insane as it was, but I just didn't have it. We walked and talked and it was great, but inside I was junk. By the time we got to the climbing to the 19/20m aid station I was pretty much toast. The rest of Team Roberts caught up with us, as well as Steve but I had nothing left to even try to keep up. I wish I had tried though, as I may have been closer to the cutoffs and possibly done the whole 50...or not...

Coming down off that hill was misery. There is NO lack of hills in VT. I had underestimated the amount of hills, or forgotten, or due to re-routing there was more...reguardless, I was expecting to be able to run more flats to even out the damage, but really you were either hiking up a hill or running down which totally trashes your quads.(and knees, oy)I didn't have any motrin until my drop bag at mile 31, which was proving to be a mistake. Somewhere in the next mile or 2 I had decided that I was going to run to 31 and call it a 50k and be done. I knew Leah was tagging her Dad there for the relay so I could bum a ride off her and not have to wait for the van. Once I made that decision(and got some mortin at the next aid station) I started to actually enjoy myself. I was back enough in the pack that I was alone for most of the time, sans meeting some other local runners(local as in MA...SO funny! Very nice gals doing their first 50m races, and both finished!) I plugged along and actually did a fair amount of running in this next 10 miles or so. As I approached the 31mile mark, I did contemplate continuing...but knowing that it wasn't going to get easier, the climbs were going to get downright brutal, coupled with the fact that I had VERY little cushion at this point meant I would be chasing the clock which is a sucky feeling...I was ok with my decision to be done. I felt ok, (though I was juuuust shy of the quease setting in...) I *could* have gone on, but I didn't.

It wasn't a horrible day. It was a good training run, good hours on the feet and legs, and once the sun came out it was SO beautiful! I very much enjoyed the leaves and colors, all the farms, mountains and views... fall in New England! (well, maybe with a little less heat...)

I feel like I did well hydration wise, I never felt overly thirsty and I never got *sloshy* though I did lose WAY more wt. than I am comfortable with. I did not feel like I had, but EEEP! It was close to 10lbs. I did not eat much at all during the race itself, knowing that with the humidity I would undoubtedly be super nauseous if I ate, so I stuck to fruit, and coke, figuring I was getting fluids as well. I drank about 2 20oz bottles every 60-90mins but I was indeed DRENCHED most of the day. I never felt dehydrated though...I may just need to accept this as how my body deals with running Ultras. Since I don't really have any plans of doing a 100 in the near future, I don't have to worry about the weigh-ins just yet :).

Once I finished and got back to the start I showered and headed back to the race to watch people finish. It was great to see some of these people, the *back-of-the-pack* runners who were really gutting it out to get done, I was getting very emotional for some! Seeing parents come in with their kids waiting for them put me right at the edge a few times...missing my kids and family. I realized JUST how much I did miss them and wish they could be there too...

Got to see Steve and Josh finish(Team Roberts) as well as the two local gals I met up with along the way. It was great to see them finish! Said my goodbyes and hit the road...and was home to kiss my kids goodnight :) AND sleep in my own bed, which was especially nice, though my legs kept thinking I was still running and tripping over things, lol.

So...it was what it was. I had deticated my race to my friend Emily, who is going through a major health challenge right now, and I thought about her often. Said quite a few prayers for her and knowing how strong she is, helped me get as far as I did when really, I was ready to be done about 5 miles in. So, thanks Em :)

I am thinking alot about these races I do, and where I want to go with running in the future. The more races I do, the more I realize I just like to RUN. Far. I don't care about my time, I never have. Just the fact I can do this, is pretty awesome to me. I will say these big races have lost all appeal to me. Yes, its cool to get the tshirts and the aid stations are huge and there are always people around but...I am very much leaning towards simpy sticking to the small, local stuff...the TARC races, Stone Cat, Peak(though not local, it is one of my favorites and I hope to bring the whole family next year) I actually LIKE being alone during the race, getting in or out of my own head. Yes it is nice to run with people and chat sometimes, but when there are THAT many people in a race, there isn't much opportunity for alone time :)

I realize after going to most of my races alone this year how much I miss not having my family there. Its one thing when I go for the day and am leaving my house and coming back to it that night, its another thing to be gone for the weekend. So, I am very much hoping that Hubby can come to Stone Cat with the kids. I think it would make a world of difference :) I also think that is part of why next year I may stick to the local races, where I can leave and come home all in one day. They are smaller, cheaper, and the family COULD come out if they wanted to. I know it isn't real exciting, but the kids love to work at the aid stations and its nice to look forward to seeing them. I think in a longer race, if that day ever comes that may be a disadvantage but for 50's its just fine :)

I was supposed to do a BDay run but...I am thinking I am going to bail on my own run. I just can't get it together between now and then. So, I am hoping to jump in with someone doing the RANH, and let that be my 40 for 40 run :) Then I will gear up for SC, hopefully ending the season with a bang!

For now...I am going to go sit on my porch and watch my chickens with my feet up. Seems I now have snauseges for toes... :)

Relief...of sorts.

2011-09-21T09:46:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems my panic was somewhat unfounded. My *symptoms* of concern, though concerning, seem to be, ahem, homrmone related. As in, it happened last month as well. It appears, that I now am having some of my Lyme symptoms coincide with hormonal shifts(we'll spare the dudes any more details than that.) This puts my mind at ease, to say the least as by the time this *shift* passed, I felt fine and dandy once again. YAY! :)

This weekend is the VT 50. I have a score to settle there, as the last time I ran this course it rained and was a mudfest and due to the mud and trashed trails from the 500 mountain bikers, I timed out at mile 37. I was pissed, to say the least, as I felt great and certianly could have finished. This year will be my last attempt at this race, as it is SO huge...and quite honestly, its feeling too *marathon-y* for my liking. And, its going to be another mudfest. This greatly reduces my ability to finish as I am not that fast to begin with, and the mud slows me down...plus the somewhat tight(for me) time cut-offs...

I have half a mind to ust drop down to the 50k, and I may. I will have to see what race day brings, I guess. If it really rains over the next few days, I may do just that in order to be able to actually finish a distance. Or, I may ust suck it up and see how far I can get, even if its a DNF. I feel good, I know I *could* finish the 50m if there wasn't an abundance of mud. Oh well.

I am also giving thoughts to my 100m attempt next year. I had planned on doing McNaughton in May, as long as the fall went well re: the race I am in. However, the 100m *bug* really isn't really biting that hard. I don't feel the rush to get a 100 miler done, I know someday I will do one, probably several. But....I guess I ust don't feel any sort of urgency in getting it done. I have until 12/31 to sign up so I have some more time to roll things around in my brain. I am concerned that a 100 will put me out of commision for onger than I'd want, and I have other races I want to do...that I REALLY want to do and enjoy...eh, time will tell.

For now, I am simply full of gratitude that I am feeling well, and am heading into VT as trained as I can be.

Concerns...I have 'em.

2011-09-08T09:14:00.000-04:00

How ironic that I just had my appt. with Dr. MoW where we celebrated my health and I am now having concerns...

It started 2 days ago. My joints were...off. My hands are extremely stiff and sore. I am tired, but that is probably due to not sleeping well, though I did sleep well the last 2 nights. My stomach is a mess, and I am having some headach-y stuff. Not to mention that my gands are SUPER swollen and painful...I took tuesday off from running, and ran yesterday and felt fine running...which is a good benchmark for me. When I have dealt with a Lyme relapse/flare before, running is the first thing to go. I feel it while I am out and it wipes me out for the rest of the day. I am not experienceing that yet, which I am hanging on to as a good sign. This is the time of year I have typically gone downhill in the past, and to say in the back of my mind I am not panicing, would be a lie. There is a part of me that is scared to death that I will relapse...I know it is possible, Chronic Lyme is *almost* always a life sentence. I want to be the percentage that is not affected for life, but I then go back and question everything I have done thus far...I knew 6mo ago that more treatment may be necessary, I knew I had to be super careful to not overdo it(uh....yeah, about that...) and really careful with my diet.

Well, *overdoing it* is part of the way I roll, and I wish I could say I have been super careful with my diet but...I haven't. The question now is...what should I do?

I am thinking of possily starting back on a low-dose herbal protocol. I do NOT want to go through herxing. If I start super low with my dosing and very slowly increase I should be ok. I want to avoid going back on abx at all costs, though I know if I call Dr MoW he would put me on...I have serious PTSD from the last time I was on and how sick I got...that is definitely a last resort for me. I have been supplement free for months, so adding a few back in would be ok...and probably help. Salt/C is a good one and easy enough.(read: cheap)

As far as running goes, most of the smart runners I know are starting their tapers for VT50, something I don't normally do, but perhaps I should give it some thought. I have the base to run VT50 just fine, and at this point getting in a few long runs isn't going to make me any better at the race, and could very well hurt me. I should probably keep my runs under the 15 mile mark, and not overdo the daily miles either, maybe even take an extra day off here and there...

But you know what? The thought of doing that REALLY pisses me off. I know it is fine, I know it would be better health-wise but EFF IT as I don't WANT to! I want to be able to run as much as I want. I am totally being a whiner here, I know there are people MUCH worse off and I AM so incredibly grateful to be able to run at all but damnit...I don't want to go through this AGAIN. I do not want my poor hubby and children to have to go through that again. Gah...

So, now...I am watching the rain and as soon as it slows a little, I am going to go out and run...and have myself a good cry. Then, I am going to pray.

Good News Abounds...

2011-08-25T09:20:00.000-04:00

I had my 6mo follow-up with Dr. MoW aka my Immunologist(Dr. Made-of-Win, aka, the man who saved my life) He was incredibly impressed with my progress, and happy to see that I was back to living my life as he had seen how bad I was 6mo ago. It was bad, too...I was ready to pretty much give up, quit life...and if it weren't for my kids, I just might have. I was a beaten woman. Then, he agreed that going off abx would be a good idea(after 6mo on) and increasing my LDN (low dose Naltrexone: http://www.lowdosenaltrexone.org/ ) That was the key. I got progressivey better over the coming months, was able to resume training and started racing again! Needless to say, Dr. MoW is now convinced that this drug saved my life...and I agree. He is talking me up to all his collegues and willing to now try LDN with other patients. I gifted him a book on LDN therapy written by another Dr that he is all excited to read. We didn't even do bloodwork as the proof is in the pudding :) I don't have to go back until December, at which time we may revisit my allergies/asthma.

We did not do any breathing tests as he assumed if I could run 50 miles, breathing was not an issue, lol. However, my allergies are. I am allergic to everything. If it grows, I am allergic to it. Moldy? Allergic. Violently. To just about every mold there is. And now, many foods as well. Interestingly, my *regular* allergies seem to be ok. I have not had a single issue with *seasonal* allergies, sans mold. (I can walk into an area where there is mold you don't see, and react...I am that sensitive. I can *smell* it) Foods though...bloody hell.

LDN works by tricking your immune system into functioning. (this is the WAY dumbed down explanation, btw) So, where mine was 'disregulated' before, now it runs a bit more smoothly. I can definitely tell, as I *feel* different. I do feel good, but I can also now tell when I overdo. But now, it doesn't take long to recover IF I pay attention. My Hashimoto's is stable, although supposedly LDN should help it...it didn't seem to affect mine that we can tell. Thing is, in some respects my immune system is functioning TOO well...enter food allergies. I am having pretty severe reactions, just shy of anaphylaxix. Dr MoW said if I were to listen to him bc he is right(he is a funny man) I would avoid ALL the things on my list. But, at the very least I need to avoid nuts/fish/shellfish. Thing is, this is my list:
gluten
oat
milk
soy
wheat
corn
chocolate
apple*
almond/tree nuts
tomato*
pineapple
peach
banana
coconut
squash(summer)*
rice*
peanut
grape
shellfish/fish
quinoa*
Which leaves me with...what exactly to eat? Oy. The * foods are things I can eat if I rotate them in occasionally but if I eat them too often...bam. Some thing I can eat raw, but not cooked, or cooked but not raw...I can drink apple juice, but eating apples makes my throat itch....ugh. So, I agreed to be good...and to carry *2* EpiPens. I am going to try some new recipes and get creative and maybe I will even post stuff here! :) I used to post raw recipes way back when so perhaps I can start that up again. For now, I will stick to simple and safe. This week has sucked by way of allergies as I have basically been reacting for a week to ???. Sometimes things cross react too...I am not allergic to mushrooms, for example, but they are a fungus so I react. If grains are not stored properly and I eat them and they got moldy...bam, I will react. Nuts are the same, (though I can't have them, they are a food that is notoriously moldy)as are spices, herb teas...all CAN get moldy and you wouldn't necessarily know. So, because I can't be sure WHAT I am reacting to...those things are out.

So, this will be an exercise in creativity. I need to find enough foods to eat to fuel my running and stay healthy. I certianly do NOT want to have a full blown anaphylaxis, thanks. :) So, I will behave and maybe come up with some cool new recipes in the process.

I have been good with my running too. I said I would take it easy for 2 weeks and I have kept that promise to myself. I have been doing 8/6.5m e/o day and no long runs. I will eek up my miles next week and shoot for a longer run over Labor Day weekend, shooting for a *real* long run a week later. I think that the rest and then building up again will serve me well for VT50. I know I can do 50 miles as I have proven that recently, I just need to be able to make the cut-offs...which I believe I can as long as there is no rain ;) I have a pretty nice set-up of races for the fall and everything rests on finishing Stone Cat. If I do it...I will come home and sign up for McNaughton. Otherwise, I will wait another year to attempt 100. I'm really not in a hurry to make that jump to 100's. I want to be sure I CAN do it, and if I need more time I am ok with that. These races aren't going anywhere...Plus, my Bucket List has changed :) Now, I want to do the Grand Slam more than Badwater. The Slam is not done by many women. Course, its incredibly hard to actually get IN to all 4 races but I think if the stars aligned some year... :)

Well, speaking of running...I better get at it before it rains!

Pushing the needle too far...

2011-08-18T10:03:00.000-04:00

That is an Indigo Girls song that has been running its loop in my head for the past 3 days...

Had a scare Tuesday. A scarey scare. I didn't feel so hot Monday and Tuesday I felt worse. I could not figure out if it was allergies or worse...a Lyme relapse coming on. It was an all-too-familiar feeling that I know too well...and it scared the crap out of me. I was having allergy *issues* as of late as I have been living on the wid side and eating things on my Do Not Eat list...bad idea. I thought I was going to have a ful blown attack during the TARC race Saturday, and me without my Epipan or Benadryl...I was seriously thinking of how I could find Steve knowing he would probably have both, and on him....and then whatever it was passed, thankfully. Post race in my desire to eat all things not nailed down I ate things I shouldn't have...and paid for it. I am sure back-to-back races didn't help...

I was reading an article about running 100's and how you should taper for 3 weeks prior then take 3-6 weeks after to recoer and I thought ya gots to be KIDDING me! But...rest IS healing, and I need to remember that. I know some people can run 100 mile weeks and race every other weekend but even if I COULD...I shouldn't. I am walking such a fine line with my health and I *know* this. I simpy cannot afford to burn the candle at both ends. I also cannot afford to be all sorts of brazen and think I CAN eat what I want because I don't react right away...Hubby always says it is a cumulative affect with me, and I don't listen...sigh. I should start. He is a smart guy.

I was feeling tired, a scarey amount of tired. Nauseous. Foggy. Edgy. All things that don't amount to anything good. This is the time of year I historically go down hill in my Lyme cycle and I am bound and determined NOT to let tha happen again. I just cannot go through that. Not after FINALLY getting my health back.

So I have decided that I am going to give mysef the next 2 weeks to *recover*. No long runs, no increase in mileage, no biking...just my usual easy runs. That still gives me plenty of time to prep for VT50. Besides, I do have the mileage in the bank...a concept I have spent many a mile discussing with running buds and absolutely believe in. Running decent mileage and doing these long races regularly does have an impact on your physiology. It taxes every system in your body to run like this. It also GREATLY increases your endurance and what your body is able to handle. So, if you are doing it regulary, those miles in the bank create a memory for your body/system. This is awesome because things happen, injuries happen, illness happens, all times where you may have to take more than a day or 2 off and yet you could take a week or two off and still come right back to it. I have done this, and I have seen others do it as well, without missing a beat.

This decision, though, means that I need to back out of an awesome adventure this weekend. I was supposed to go up to NH and hike/run/climb the Presidential Traverse. We were to leave at 2am Saturday and hike/run/climb for the better part of 10+ hours. In my mind, I was all set to do this despite the nagging feeling in my gut that I probably should not be attempting this in lieu of how I felt...then out on my run this morning I fell...again...tripping on air on a totally flat stretch of road. That pretty much solidified my decision. I need to reel it in and recover. I am not sleeping well, and to attempt another event on no sleep, when I am falling on flat road...eh, no.

So, nothing more than some easy 6 milers, really watching my diet and avoiding all-things-allergy...and I think I will be ok. My motto has always been to Live to Run Another Day. When I am faced in a race with issues/injury etc, I always think of that...it is more important to me to be able to run tomorrow, than to *kill* myself today. That's where I am at. This is a precarious time, and to say I am feeling like I am *home free* would be an understatement. I don't expect that I am going to relapse....but I would be foolish to think its out of the question. So, I need to be smart the next few weeks so that I can run theses next couple of races, and head into next year healthy. Otherwise, not only will VT50 and SC50 be out of the question, a 100 attempt will be out.

Life isn't a sprint, its an Ultra...time to take a walk break. :)

TARC 12 hour Race Report

2011-08-15T14:50:00.000-04:00

Why, yes...yes I did do a race 2 weeks after my last one. :)
Poor planning on my part but I signed up for this one months ago and then I HAD to do the Race Around the Lake...ah, well. I felt great going in to this race, I felt great after the last race despite the HELL that was the humid and rain that night so I figured all was right in the world :) I tried to take it easy these 2 weeks but...ah, me and tapering/resting are not friends, lol.

The weather eading up to this race was fantastic. Cool and dry...I figured race day would be perfect. I did not mind the weather though it did feel a bit humid, there was plenty of tree coverage which kept the sun off of us all day. This was the first time for this race on this course and I will say I believe it went off without a hitch. The course was well marked (*I* did not get lost! Only once did I get a little confused) the aid station was VERY well stocked, there was never any lack for water...a big one for me. The volunteers were fantastic and supportive ALL day. It was absoutely a race I would do again. The course itself was a great 6.5m loop with varied terrain, hills and just enough technical *stuff* for me. I ended up doing 43.2 miles in 11:32 as I did the half lap option at the end, plus the mile *short-cut* back to the start/finish. Even though it wasn't the mileage I wanted, I had a great day. It was so fantastic to be out there running miles and miles in the woods with a cool bunch of people.

It was great to see the TUGers out there representin' as well as meeting a few new friends and reconnecting with others. I had all intentions of doing 50 miles but my legs weren't having it. I could not keep my legs under me! I fell twice in the first lap, and several times during the second...I was doing fairy well pace-wise, and thought I could have easily kept it up except for the fact that until I slowed down, I continued to fall! So, I slowed down, and called it good training and time on my feet :) It was great though as it gave me the opportunity to run with some people I wouldn't have otherwise, and got to spend several laps with Brenda M. which was awesome. She had decided to take it easy and enjoy the day as well...otherwise I couldn't have kept up with her!

I wasn't able to eat all that much during the race per usual, but I did drink plenty and was only down 5lbs when I got home which was great. That is easy enough to put back with a good meal and a liter or 2 of fluid. I feel like I am getting MUCH better with that piece, which in turn makes my runs better, and recovery quicker. And speaking of recovery....I could have run YESTERDAY. Seriously, I had NO leg fatigue whatsoever. I had some slight soreness in my legs but honestly, my ARMS hurt more from all the falls I took and trying to lessen my impact with the earth, lol. Course my knee hurts too from ripping it open twice more but that's just par for the course. I don't know if I have EVER done a race where I didn't fall at least once. Actually, I don't think I have ever been on the trail and not fallen...doh! Also, I cannot say enough about the Hokas! They are absolutey the best and once again saved my feet and legs during another race. I think I like the Bondi's better than the Mafate's...I'll have to see what I think of the stinsons when I try them. :)

One thing I did realize from this race is that I REALLY need to get on the trails more. I just don't put in the time training on trails I should. I live 2 miles from a trail head at Mt Wachusett, and there is another trail to ??? a mile away...and I don't run there, why exactly? Yeah, my new goal leading up to VT50 is to get out on the trails at least twice a week. I know I could do better time-wise if I ran trails more and *practiced* the footing, etc. VT50 is tough for me with the tight cut-offs and if it rains I will be almost destined for a DNF...once the bikes muck up the trail it becomes damn near impossible to get anywhere. If it is dry, I do think I have a decent shot at finishing as long as I get some trail time in between now and then. I have been diligently following a strength training program since June, increasing my overall mileage, and getting my hydration issues under control so not much is standing in my way except whatever race day holds! My health has been holding steady which has been fantastic and aside from the insomnia and food allergy craziness I feel SO much better than I ever have. I have my 6mo appt. with my immunologist next week and I am excited to see him! I am sure he will run labs but I expect that everything will actually look good and he will be quite happy. I really believe as long as I stay on the LDN things will continue to be ok. Someday I hope to be able to go off it but I know from reading that most people can't...and honestly, I am ok with that. I wouldn't trade feeling this good for anything! I am SO incredibly grateful for this health!

So, I took Sunday AND today off! It is torrentially raining here and I did feel a little out-of-gas last night so I figured sleep and rest might not be a bad thing and Monday is normally a rest day for me so...rest I am. :) I expect I will be back at it tomorrow morning, rain or shine...VT50 will be here before I know it!

No, I am not really a snob.

2011-08-04T08:23:00.000-04:00

For reasons I simply CANNOT figure out, I can't post on other people's blogs. Every time I go to leave a comment, try and follow someone(though I did find a way around this obstacle) etc it asks me to sign in. So I do. Eeventy-billion times! Then, it brings me back to the comment page, I have to type in the anti spambot word and then BACK to signing in again. Really? WTF?!?!?!

I am reading, y'all...I promise. I would LOVE to comment, congratulate, etc but BLOGGER WON'T LET ME! WAAAAAAAH!!!!

Help?

How's about a little race report? :)

2011-07-31T09:50:00.000-04:00

Ah, yes. The Race Around the Lake. Did I mention I never wanted to do this race again after my innagural time? No? Gee, it must have slipped my mind...

I was certianly well trained heading in, and I even *gasp* tapered...sorta. But when the race began, it all went to shit.

My eldest boy-child came along to be my crew, and we left early to avoid all the predicted traffic. We avoided it, thankfully and got a prime parking spot on the water at the start/finish. My *neighbor* was an ultra-dude there with his daughter so our kids became buddies for the duration. He was there to attempt the 24hr, having done many a 100 miler. The kids went off to volunteer, and we did our pre-race thing.

I had been hydrating, had a snack,changed and waited for the race to begin. It was pretty humid, but I was hopeful as there was plenty of cloud coverage. It never did more than sprinkle pre race, and I wasn't really worried about the rain, more the humidity.

We had our pre-race meeting where the possibility of having to stop the race due to lightning was discussed...seriously? It was bc of the silly marathoners, I am sure. When have you ever known an Ultra to be stopped due to to ANY sort of weather unless it is catastrophic? What's a little lightning? The one and only Wapak I ever did started with lightning striking all around us...talk about unsettling...but I digress. Wait, one more thing...Marathoners. A very different breed from Ultrarunners. I am generalizing but MOST marathoners are awfully...well, they aren't like ultrarunners. The liter on the course? ALL came during the marathon. The ultra group put their cups AND trash in the MANY trash cans around the course. The Marathoners put their gu and cup trash, oh, wherever. Really? Because the extra drag from carrying that gu rapper to the nearest can would totally kill your PR...Ugh.

OK, moving on. The 3 races all start together and we do this little jaunt out-and-back to get our marathon piece in as we all get a marathon split. I had intended on doing one of 3 things: beating the record of 61 miles(which this year would have been 62m) winning the woman's race, and/or beating my last time on the course which was 53 miles in 11:30. This is the ONLY ultra I ever have a shot at placing in, so I try to :) As soon as we started running, I thought I may have to re-evaluate as it was farking HUMID as hell.

During my first lap, I tripped and fell on a dirt path section, skidding to a stop and tearing up my knee, leg and 2 fingers. Srsly? If this is any indication of things to come, I thought, I am screwed. As I ran to the aid station, gushing blood from my knee, I thought gee...can't imagine what people must be thinking of my sad state...

My first split was a bit sower than I anticipated and honestly I did not feel great. However, I didn't think much of it as I know it takes me a bit to warm up. Except by mile 18, I was ready to quit. This sucked. I was sweating SO profusely, it was making me nervous. I was drinking a bottle every lap AND drinking water at each aid station, taking salt every hour, and after 3 hours I could no longer eat, and I hadn't eaten much thus far. I started to walk. I was not pleased. I think I would have walked off the course at this point if my friend and fellow TUGger wasn't coming out at midnight to run with me. So, I kept plugging along. I decided to try a 5 hour energy drink and a sock and shoe change as at this point I had been running in the rain as well as my crazy-ass sweating. I was having some concerns, as I flashed back to the debacle of VT100 last year, as my sweating/lack of eating was eerily familiar. I was NOT going to do anything stupid. I knew I was overheating big time and I couldn't figure out why. So I would run a bit, and walk until I cooled off.

The race course was a sad state of things. LOTS of walking MUCH earlier than I would have expected, and had seen previously when I did this race. Lots of puking as well. That is NEVER a good sign. People were really suffering in the heat. Stomach issues in varying degrees were the norm and I handed out quite a bit of ginger as well as taking it myself. Go figure...they had HEED as the alternate drink to water...Someday RD's will get that there aren't many people that can drink that stuff. I heard quite a few people saying they were fine until they drank the Heed...Hmmm...

Right on time, my friend Bill showed up and I told him my tale of woe. I apoligized that we wouldn't be doing much, and he was a gentleman about it. I figured I would get in 50k and quit. That was a good training run and I would be ok with that. I was not down with suffering all night. Then, they put up a leaderboard. After a few laps, my name appeared on it in second place. I told Bill now I HAD to keep running! There was enough of a buffer between the 3 places that as long as I kept moving, I figured I could at least stay in second pace. So, off we went.

I was drinking water, Coke and taking salt and ginger. That was all I could get in. I just hoped it was enough. We ran most of every lap, sans a few that I had to wait for my stomach to not completely revolt. Bill was an AWESOME walker, and did not let me dip below 15min/miles when we walked and when we ran he went out ahead so I had to chase him a bit which was perfect. We chatted and I got more miles in with him than alone and he is the sole reason I not only finished but got second place.

When I hit my 15th lap, I knew it would be my last. I probably could have gone out for one more, but I was D.O.N.E. and I knew that the 3rd place gal could not catch up no matter what. My feet were complete prunes from being wet for 11 hours, I was chaffed EVERYWHERE from being wet for so long and my stomach had done enough sloshing, thanks. I got changed and tried to drink...not the best idea. The nausea did not leave me for a very long time...ugh.

The RD handed out our awards, a cool plaque and a North Face gift card for $50! :) The 3rd place girl was someone I wanted to smack, as she was all butt-hurt when we finished bc she thought she didn't place. She was bitching about it and generally being very unsportsmanly. I had congratulated her TWICE on her mileage (41 miles, which is pretty darn good!) she ignored me. I thought in my head, if you are pissed you didn't place, you should have run faster and done more laps. Regardless, she was 2 laps behind me and 4 laps behind the winner and based on previous yearsfinishing times and miles, she wouldn't have even been in the top ten. THEN, she ended up getting 3rd anyways! AND she told the RD, when he gave her her award, that she was pissed and wasn't going to do the race again until she found out she placed. REALLY???? Wow. I guess I simply have a different mindset. Unless you are in that SMALL minority of elite ultra-runners, you aren't going to place. Its just not going to happen. So...why not simply run for the fun of it, try to improve for yourself and be happy with your accomplishments? 41 miles is a distance most people can't run, don't want to run and she did. Be happy about that! Oy. The thing that made this incident less annoying to me was the fact that the winning 12hr male was SUPER nice, very cool, and just a generally awesome guy. He was one of my ginger recipiants and thanked me after the race as it really helped him to keep going, which I was so glad about as he won :) He is a newer up-and-coming local ultra runner so I was glad to meet him and see that he was as cool as he was :)...especially after pouty woman was all, well, pouty.

So, NOW I am saying NO EFFING WAY to this race ever again. I really am not a fan of loop courses with loops that short. The lack of any sort of elevation stinks, and it just isn't for me despite the fact I don't mind running on the roads. I do think its a great run for someone trying an ultra for the first time as it is definitely very do-able and a good confidence builder. There were at least 2 people there who had done their first ultras and it was awesome to see them finish! :)

I said good-bye to my neighbor and wished him well as he had 11 more hours to go. We headed home and I proceeded to be a sloth for the rest of the day. I tried to start eating and drinking by the afternoon and it was going well so I figured whatever was up with my stomach had righted itself. My weight was pretty good despite my profuse sweating, which was awesome! I was definitely concerned about it, but even though I felt like crap, the salt/fluids I was taking in was enough to keep my weight from dropping outside of an acceptable range. Its good to be getting a handle on this whole hydrating thing FINALLY! :)

Today, I agreed to move furniture. Uh...yeah. What was I thinking? After which, I will begin the process of eating everything that isn't nailed down, my usual post-ultra tradition :) Then hopefully tonight I will be taking a long, hot bath. Or not...chaffing + water = screaming. ;)

Mmmm...Taper.

2011-07-26T08:36:00.000-04:00

I don't like to taper. In fact, I suck at it. I usually don't do much of one, as I simply can't fathom cutting back THAT much in my running so I can *peak* at a race. Part of that comes from the fact I am slightly OCD (ok, more than slightly) and part of it is that I am not fast, not competitive, nor do I hae any desire to be either of those things. Being faster and/or competitive is stressful(to me) and the whole reason I run is because I enjoy the LACK of stress involved, the way it takes away the stresses of the world... :)

But, this week I taper. Why? Well because I thought it would be brilliant to run and bike 114 miles last week. :) I wanted to see if I could, and I did. I am planning on making that sort of a week something regular for me in the future, for sure. Why I chose to test the waters 2 weeks before I have 2 races almost back to back? Eh, I have a touch of the crazy, I guess :). This week will be a few easy runs of no more than 5 miles, and I may or may not even get on my bike...but I did find a slightly less hilly route to do if in fact I decide to ride. (one without the potential for crashing...my shoulder is STILL sore!)

My goal for friday first and foremost it to finish. I would love to come in with 63 miles, essentially a 100k which is a distance I have never done before. My next goal would be to beat my last mileage there of 53 miles. I am looking forward to the race and am fairly confident I will hit at least one of my goals. :) I then brilliantly signed up for a race 2 weeks later, a trail 12hr. I should be recovered in time but I typically don't do more than one ultra a month so I have a chance to FULLY recover...doh. That may end up only being a 50k...we'll see. I want to definitely be ready for VT 50 at the end of September...I have a score to settle there, and it damn well better not rain this year!

I have been leaning more and more towards a frutier raw vegan diet. I notice that is what I am craving, so I am going to go with that. My body must need that now, as I am REALLY craving green smoothies, fruit by the pound, salads with lots of tomatoes and cukes, dried fruits, fruit juices, etc. I have not been eating many grains this week or last, and though I have been successful with the beans (YAY!!! Oh, how I love beans!) I have not had a hankering for them either. I am planning on taking lots of fruit with me to the race, along with some smoothies...I was hoping to make up some of my old tried-and-true raw cacao/maca bites if time allows as I know those always go down well and are calorie-dense. I don't eat much by way of raw *super-foods* these days, as I got SO burnt out on supplements when I was taking them by the fistfull when I was dealing with the active Lyme that now the thought of taking ANYTHING extra makes me cringe! I take my liquid vitamin/antioxidant drink every day and that's it by way of supps. Oh, the money I save! Holy cow, when I figured out how much I was spending every month on supplements to *cure* myself...I could have made a car payment! SOOOO happy I am not there anymore. Thank all that is holy for LDN!!! :)

This cool weather we are having does not make for easy tapering but it is nice napping weather :) I have been sleeping well these last couple nights which is lovely, and I know I will go into friday nice and hydrated. I am testing out coconut water again to see if I can add it back into the rotation, as it was on my *No* list...I so love coconut so I do hope I am ok with it! :)

Well...off to enjoy a nice, easy, slow 5 miles... :)

Well...seems I have been MIA...

2011-07-21T09:53:00.000-04:00

...Which is actually a good thing :) I haven't had as much time to blog, though I should make an effort to do so as I like to be able to look back and see what's what.

Things have been going extremely well health and running-wise. After Peak, I recovered in a matter of days, and was back out running at almost full throttle within a week...something I have never done after an Ultra. I am sure switching to the Hoka's has something to do with that :) I simply cannot say enough about those shoes. I tell everyone how fabulous they are! For me, someone who has genetically bad knees, and is prone to injury, to be able to run as much and as well as I have been without any issue...fantastic. :)

After Peak I had the priveledge to be on the crew for my friend MR at the Death Race in VT. I had a few selfish concerns going in about the lack of sleep as I have not tested out how I would do on little to no sleep with the med I am now on and my worries were baseless. I ended up being fine, and it had no ill effect on me beyond what a *normal* person would experience. The Death Race was unbelievabe. My friend was so incredible, I was blown away by her strength and perserverance...I would have quit before the race even started! It is the most insane thing I have ever witnessed and you have to be in superb shape to even toe the line...This was a seriously fit group of people and every single person who started that race was a winner in my eyes. The whole experience of watching MR got me motivated to take a look at my own fitness and make some changes.

Next up was pacing at VT100. My friend MM was goin for his first 100 mile finish. Another all nighter, I would be pacing for 30 miles. I stayed super hydrated, ate well and was able to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for him and he did AMAZING! He really ran an incredibly smart race, I was amazed at how consistantly he was moving in those last 30 miles when really you just want to be done. He was great and it was such an honor to be there with him. I had such a blast pacing him. I think that anyone who wants to get into doing ultras should volunteer and pace at least once a year to give back. It is such a rewarding experience, and I know that I will be pacing/volunteering every year as I love it...plus it is an awesome way to give back to a sport that wouldn't be as great as it is without the volunteers (and pacers, where applicable)

When I got back from the DR, I decided I was goin to make a serious effort to increase my overall fitness. I have only half-heartedly done any strength training, I don't cross train and I had no real plan for increasing my endurance for any upcoming races and another attempt at 100. So, I put together a M-F strength training routine, which will now include an additional sugestion from MR of *100's*- 100 sit-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 squats and 100 burpees in whatever order/sets get the job done. I started once I got back from the DR and have noticed a difference already. The addition of the 100's will start next week, since I started something else this week...

I started biking. I biked fairly regularly back in high school, due to numerous injuries from oer-training and I actually enjoyed it very much. However, I haven't been on a bike in the better part of 13+ years. I decided to incorporate biking into my routine 4-5 days a week. My theory behind this is I figure it is a way to increase my endurance without having to increase my mileage beyond what my body can handle, preventing injury, and increasing strength. My goal is to get my running miles up in the 60-70mpw range. Anything more than that would potentially put me into a twice a day running situation, and I REALLY don't want to go there. Plus, I do think I would be tempting fate and injury beyond 70mpw. If I incorporate riding in, especially where I live, I figure I can get more endurance training in and preserve my legs. My goal is 3 laps around the block(my *block* is 5.3 miles with several fairly decent climbs) 4-5 days a week. I am doing this within an hour of my run. The other piece of this is that I am hoping that biking on a trainer this winter will afford me a way of keeping up my conditioning when the weather is bad and doing a bunch of long runs will be difficult. With my plan of a Spring 100 I need to start prepping earlier than if I had a Summer 100 planned. So far, so good. I enjoy it muchly, although my nether regions beg to differ...though I am promised this pain will subside with time...oy.

WIth thte addition of the strength training and biking I am closely monitoring myself for any signs of over-training or tiredness/weakness. I do not want to do ANYTHING to sabotage my current state of health. I am continuously blown away by how good I feel, how quickly I recover...it reminds me of just how sick I was. WHen I think that just 6mo ago I could not get off the couch and wasn't even sure I wanted to LIVE, and I see where I am at now....I still can't believe it. I am so incredibly grateful for my health and this drug. The low dose naltrexone has absolutely saved my life. My body continues to shift and change becaus eof it as I continue to improve health-wise. I have noticed another shift in that my food allergies are starting to lessen, my seasonal allergies are non-existant and I have not used my inhaler in months. I am SOOOOO happy about this!

I have also been very diligent about my diet. I know with the increased activity, I need more calories and the nature of my diet is nutrition dense, but low calorie foods. So, I need to eat a lot :). I am trying, as I know I do not want my weight to go much lower than it is. For me, anything below 130 is asking for trouble. I am not meant to be a skinny-minnie...its just not my body structure. So, my goal is to make sure I am eating enough to stay above that weight. I seem to be doing ok so far, I will have to watch with the increased training to see if I need to increase my calories. I have been eating some dried fruits which are calorie dense and that is one good way for me to keep up my intake, and I have been able to add beans into my diet again which helps also.

I have been very much leaning towards the raw vegan bend...and am probably 75% raw. I think at this point 100% would be too limiting calorie wise so my cooked percentage comes from grains and beans, some cooked veggies, and whatever other occasional cooked thing I eat :) So far, so good so I am sticking to it. Summer is my favorite eating time of year since there are so many options :) I am a happy veg-head!

So, on the immediate horizon is The Race Around the Lake, coming up next friday. It is a 12 hour race with a 3 mile loop on the road. I won it 2 years ago, the only race I have any shot of doing well at, lol, because no one *elite* goes. I also had the record, which was broken last year. I am headed back to defend my title...or at the very least to run further than I have before breaking my own record for myself. We will see what the night brings. I think it is doable, especially if I can get someone speedy to come out and run a few laps at the end. I will really have to work, that's for sure.

After that, I am looking for redemption at VT50, hosting a FA40 in October, and going to get a FARKING jacket at Stone Cat 50 in November. If all goes well, I will sign up for my attempt at 100 in May 2012.

In the mean time...I best get at it!

How 'bout a race report? :)

2011-06-06T10:14:00.001-04:00

Peak 53. Wow.

I went into this race undertrained. I didn't think of it that way, but really I have only been running regularly again since March and this last month has been the first real *training* month I have had in a long time. It was really important to me to FINISH this race...I have not been able to complete an Ultra since last May. I did the Peak 50k, after having dropped down to it from the 53 mile. Looking back, it is when I started my slow decline in health. I was able to hang on until the fall, but when I really think honestly about it, VT 100 should have never even been on my radar, and I was not able to finish any other Ultras thereafter. We won't discuss what last winter was like...needless to say, I was feeling really depressed and worried that my short-lived Ultra career was over. This LDN that I am on has saved my life. I know I m not *cured* but my body is working again and it has given me my life back. And, it has given me my running back.

On to Peak... :)

I had a healthy amount of fear of this race, for good reason. There is a bit of elevation, to say the least, and it is supposed to be one of the hardest 50+ mile races on the east coast, if not THE hardest. I was prepared as best I could have been, given the time I spent preparing :).

I slept over in my car at the start of the race and awoke to CHILLY temps. It was not supposed to get above 70 degrees for the day, plus the tree coverage, made for perfect weather for me to attempt this race.
We went off at 6am and my intention was to run a 14ish hour race, given what I knew about the terrain, and the dreaded Bloodroot loop. I wanted to bank time knowing that Bloodroot would eat up a huge chunk of my day.

I felt great, settled into a good pace running whenever I could and hiking the hills. My poles were THE best investment and worth carrying as they helped tremendously. We came to the first chin-scraping climb that basically ended the race for me last year. It is somewhere in the first 5ish miles(I think) and I headed into it nice and slow. I came out of that feeling great. I hit the first of 3 stops at our major aid station and was feeling wonderful! I headed out on a 6m loop that would bring me back to the same aid station and I have to say this was one of my favorite sections of the race. I met a new running friend and we spent some enjoyable time on this loop chatting and passing the miles.

At mile 18 and the aid station, I met up with KZ which was a pleasant and welcomed surprise as I didn't expect to run with him at all. We got to head out to the *dreaded* Bloodroot together and actually ran the rest of the race together as well, which was totally the best (for me, though he may have regreted his decision when I hit my breaking point...but I digress)Off we went.

Bloodroot was what I feared the most. As it turned out, the nettles and other prickery-type brush had not had a chance to grow, so there wasn't much at all! The climbs though...holy moly. I love hills, I love to climb and actually enjoyed Bloodroot for the most part. The climbs were relentless though, and if you weren't in the right headspace, it could do you in for sure. That loop is a bit of a mind f*ck too as it is labeled as 19 miles but it turns out to be more, and the aid isn't EXACTLY where you expect it to be(understandably...it isn't exacty the most accessable place, lol) I ran out of water once and food once which was a bit sketchy as I started to get weak but we made it out of the loop and to aid at 37(or 41) miles just in time. It took us 7 hours to get through 19(or 23) miles. That is a long time. We weren't strolling in the park either, we were moving at the best clip we could, given the terrain. We were the last runners at that point.

Off we went for what I figured were about 15 more miles. Food helped and we were able to run(or fast shuffle, in my case) for a bit. I forgot my poles at the aid station which I soon regreted as we got to another insane cimb. It wasn't too long though, and sticks found along the way helped.

I don't remember a WHOLE ot of the remaining miles. I know once we got to the final 6-7 miles I had reached my emotional limit. I had spent some time really thinking about the race, knowing I was going to finish, how important that was to me after being so sick for the winter...I went from not being abe to get off the couch to running one of the hardest 50's...I was overwhelmed. I usually start thinking about my kids around this time, which always makes me emotional...then we hit the top of the mountain....Last year when I hit that point I cried. You come out into this clearing, surrounded by mountains and nature and it is so unbeievaby beautiful...I sob. Well, this year was no different. Somewhere around this time I also let KZ know I was done. D.O.N.E. I wanted to finish, I wanted to be done and I was toast.

And, it was getting dark.

I do not have the best headlamp, and I am a little iffy about night running in the woods(which I am DEFINITEY going to practice before pacing at VT!) so not only was I tired at that point but I was not in the best headspace to deal with the night running. Not being able to see where I was, I had no way to know when we hit the final switchbacks. I simply followed KZ's feet. We ran when we could, shuffled when we couldn't and finally hit the last bridge...and I knew we were almost home. Overwhemed again, I got teary as I was going to finish! For real! We heard everyone yelling for us and around the bend, up the last hill...and we were done!

I was DFL, in 16:28. Not a stellar time, by any stretch, but it was never about the time for me. It was about the finish. And I finished.

It is still sinking in. :)

I have to say, I really don't know if I would have finished without KZ with me. We have run together at races before and we have the awesome ability to run long amounts of time together. I don't know if I can say that about anyone else, but we can do it. We intuitively know when to talk, when to shut up, when to lead and when to follow. We space ourselves apart a bit when we need to get in our own heads, and we can be there when we need to encourage. I only hope I can and do help him as much as he helps me. I know he got how much this meant to me, how important this race was and I am so glad I got to conquere this with him :) Love ya, Dude :)

Aside from some stiffness in my legs, overall I feel great. I love my Hokas, they were so totally fantastic to run in, I felt NONE of the normal leg pain and fatigue I would have expected under those circumstances. I think I didn't lube my feet enough and shoud have changed socks once and didn't which lead to the horrid blisters I have on my right foot. It is also rediculously swollen and painful. My overall fluid retention is pretty normal, and I think its because I have been now drinking during long runs(race) to thirst instead of worrying about drinking too much. My weight was pretty good once I finally checked it, and switching back to Scaps worked wonders on my elecrtolyte stability. I probably should have had a few more things to eat but I managed.

Overall, I could not have asked for a better experience. I am totally happy with what I did and feel so great about any upcoming races I plan to do, having conquered this beast. :)

Congrats to all my other running buds who kicked ass on this course this weekend...Loni and Josh you guys rocked it, and Christine....3rd female...you are IT! :) Michelle is was awesome to see you out there, especially at 37 when a friendly face made a HUGE difference :)

Now...back to eating anything that isn't nailed down... :)

Oh, and Lyme Disease? You can kiss my ass. :)

I should really update more... :)

2011-05-18T09:45:00.000-04:00

I should. I like to keep track of things and I haven't been logging things anywhere! Ah well.

I have been feeling great. I have been running regularly, taking a day off each week and trying not to do too much. Its hard to hold back when I am feeling this good! I know, however, that the *feeling good* does not mean that I am *cured* and I still need to be diligent with my health.

I ran my first *race* this year on Mother's Day. I did the GAC 6hr. What a great race! It is a 3 mile very runnable loop. A few hills, a rooty section and mostly wide trail terrain for your running enjoyment. I had secret hopes of doing a 50k, but once there decided otherwise. I felt great, but my knee was still a bit crabby and I ended up doing 18 miles. The really great thing was I felt like I *could* have kept going. I wasn't tired or sore or anything. That was very encouraging! So much so, that I decided to sign up for the PEAK 50m the first weekend in June! PEAK is one tough race but last year I LOVED it and ended up doing the 50k. This year I am going to do the 50m...and I have some sweet trekking poles for the chin-scrapers :) When I saw a few people crossing the finish line with trekking poles last year I thought, GENIUS! There is definitely a need for them!

This past weekend I did 17m on Saturday followed by my favorite 8m on Sunday. The 17 miler was fantastic, and again I felt like I could have easily kept going for another hour or 2 :) I didn't, but I am so happy to feel like I can! AND, I forgot my knee thingy and my knee was mostly fine :) I have been doing PT like a crazy woman and I am glad to see it is paying off.

I did have a scare Sunday/Monday...I was tired. REALLY tired. I was scared that I was headed toward a relapse. It is so hard to differenciate between what is normal people tired and what is the Lyme, because I don't remember much before the Lyme! I have to tell myself that long runs will make you tired. I felt fine yesterday, and did a great 7m run and felt nothing from the weekend. Phew. :) It does remind me that although I am feeling good and the LDN is doing its job, the underlying issue is still there. I am not cured, I still need to be treating the Lyme/Co's and be aware of where my health is at.

Interestingly, with the whole increased allergy *thing* I now have to deal with, it isn't as easy as I would like. I am having a hard time finding things I can eat that are free of *my* allergies. Plus, I still have some residual stomach stuff...I have started back on the peppermint oil for another round, and am doing kefir and yogurt...but I have to get store-bought of both despite the fact I can make my own :( For some reason, my kefir does not work for me. Not sure if there is a bacteria in it that doesn't sit with me? The store stuff is ok. My yogurt I cannot even swallow. Texture? Store yogurt is ok. Go figure. The rest of my day...I struggle. I am limitted to 2 grains, some veggies, but they have to be cooked...I am going to have to come up with something for races as most of my old stand-bys are not going to work now. Honey Stingers are a no-go, which Hubby sort of warned me about. Seems my allergies cross-react now too...I am VERY allergic to honeybees...and now honey is a -no- :(

One good thing is the wt I gained from being in the throughs of Lyme this winter has left the building...which is another thing I am sure is helping my knees. Actually, I lost 10lbs in about a week once I eliminated all the things on my *list* (hello swelling and fluid retention!). Spices are now my friend because really, there are only so many ways you can eat millet and broccoli, lol. Thankfully, I can drink green smoothies again..now that I am not putting any fruits in that were on the *list*! That helps nutrition-wise...and calorie-wise if I can put in enough fruit.

I am still on some supplements and one herb for Lyme. I will probably add Teasle in as well. Happily, I am taking a MUCH smaller handful of pills twice a day now. Mostly immune and adrenal support, with Olive Leaf Extract for Lyme, and Peppermint Oil and Caprilic Acid for ye olde gut. I am trying to focus on 90 day rotations of things now. I will finish out the OLE, add in Teasle, and possibly Cat's Claw or Andrographis. That should get me through to the fall...typically the time of year I notoriousy relapse. I plan to skip that this year :) I have maintained a twice a week detox regimine, doing my saltbath/sauna/sweat to continue to eliminate any toxins and that seems to work just fine. I can always increase if I feel sketchy, but for now that works. I have been using activated charcoal for dental work and any other issues as chlorella is now out (cross contamination).

As for running...I am going to continue on as I have been, increasing my long runs. This weekend I am shooting for 20-25m, and next weekend I will do less as the following weekend is PEAK. After that race I will probably just shoot for a long run of 20-30 every weekend or do back-to-backs...depending on how I feel. I would like to do the Race Around the Lake again and better my mileage, and I am signed up for a race at the end of August...as well as the possibility of doing a super-secret-squirrel race with KZ...Course I am eyeing VT50, Stone Cat....heh. So much for not planning anything this year!

And...I am pacing my dear pal Michael at his first attempt at 100 miles this summer! :)

If all goes well...I have my eye set on another attempt at 100 in the spring...:)

Some other plans in the works as well...but I am not quite ready to divulge...stay tuned!

Wherein I completely revamp my diet.

2011-04-29T09:35:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling really good, thanks to the LDN. I am on my maintenance dose now and feel absolutely fantastic. I have not had a day off from running in going on 2 weeks, not run less than 6 miles in all that time AND I can still run around with the kids, and do all other things that make up my life. This is TOTALLY made-of-win. I could not be happier right now, or more grateful for my health, my family and friends who have stood by my through all this and supported me...and now I am coming out the other side. FINALLY.

This *recovery* definitely feels very different than the others did. It feels like something has shifted. I also know that just because I feel better does not mean I can throw caution to the wind. I need to be even MORE diligent abou my health- eating well, getting enough sleep and really listening to my body.

There are a few little inconveniences due to the LDN...one is that it makes my immune system work REALLY well, causing all my food sensitivities/allergies to come roaring back. I have my 20 allergy foods posted on the fridge now so I am sure to avoid them as my reactions now seem worse than before, bordering on anaphylaxis so...I am having to revamp my diet. But, I will say this is a minor inconvenience and I will take it if it means I will continue to feel this good! I am still having to cook MOST of my foods as my gut just isn't ready to deal with raw yet. Though I can't have dairy, I can eat yogurt/kefir which, though not vegan, I need for my gut health right now so I am eating it. Wanna see my list? ;)
oat
milk
soy
wheat
corn
chocolate
appe
almond/tree nuts
tomato
pineappe
peach
banana
coconut
squash(summer)
rice
peanut(and possiby other legumes...not sure)
grape
shellfish/seafood
gluten(which then rules out most grains as they contain gluten ie rye, spelt, etc)

Which leaves me with what exactly? Yeah. :) Basically I need to prepare all my foods from scratch. It also greatly reduces what I can eat during races, as I can't be sure something doesn't contain corn or soy or some by-product thereof. I have been experimenting lately, and I know sweet potatoes will work, rolled in salt, and I made these awesome little amaranth patties that would ROCK as an Ultra food. I am hoping to try some of these out during the GAC 6hr in 2 weeks. I can eat some fruit, but I can no longer count on coconut water as my electrolyte drink, and any others I have tried as of late cause instant stomach cramps. I will have to rely on SCaps and water solely. I can use the Honey Stingers as well, as they have no soy/corn in them. Sigh...it is a huge PITA, but I am a-ok with it. :)

The other issue is insomnia. LDN is notorious for causing insomnia. I have always battled insomnia so this is not helping but...again, I will take it. I make sure I am in bed for 7hrs a night. I may not be sleeping, but my body is at least resting.

The other awesome thing is I am almost completely mercury-free. Dental-wise. I have had a mouth full of metal for years due to horribly soft teeth which are prone to cavities no matter how diligently I brush. I have had some teeth pulled, and after my 5 root canals, much of the mercury was removed. I have 2 teeth left that are mostly metal, and as of yesterday (when I had to have ELEVEN cavities filled and 2 teeth prepped for crowns) I had one more mercury filling removed/repaced. I will have the last one done at the end of the month and I will be totally mercury free! Most people who have Lyme and/or have high mercury levels (Hi, I have both) notice a HUGE difference in their health when their fillings are replaced. He did a great job at protecting me from swallowing any, etc and I will be taking high doses of chlorella and charcoal for a few days to offer any other cleansing/sopping up I might need. I expect my health will continue to get better and better over the next several months due to this.

Hubby was nervous about the dental work as usually it is a HUGE setback health-wise. I told him that is not an issue anymore. And really it isn't! I woke up this morning feeling fine, no pain, and I didn't even have a *hangover* from the valium! (I am dental-phobic and have to be drugged for procedures...its best for all involved...that's all I'm sayin'...)

Today, I am hoping to get in 10 miles. It will be sightly disjointed as I will have the kids with me for 6 as we do our run/ride then I will have to make up the rest doing mile repeats :) Next weekend is my first trip back into the Ultra world as I am going to try to a 6 hour run...3 mile loops. I am not posting any *goals* as it will be whatever it is. I will run as long as I can, and stop when I have had enough. I am not planning anything major for the season, I am simply going to roll with it. I have a few races I'd LIKE to do, but I also don't want to do anything to jeopardize my recovery.

Well, that's the updat from here...off to enjoy the beautiful day!

Update...since its been a while.

2011-04-26T10:39:00.000-04:00

I figure since my kiddos are doing school avoidance, and are out finding sling-shot limbs and collecting Newt data, I can do a propper update. :)

I have been running. Hooyah, I cannot say enough about how THRILLED I am about this. I have been able to run for a couple weeks now, taking a few days off when I got sick, then right back at it with no troubles whatsoever. I do not think I have done a run less than 6m in 2 weeks? Did back-to-back 8 milers over the weekend and felt fine. I blame my new shoes :)

Lordy, I am loving the Hokas! They are simply fantastic. I don't feel my arthritic feet or knees nearly as much as I used to. I am also paying attention to my form much more now, trying to run as efficiently as I can so that I can do more miles with less effort...if that makes sense. I have also started a strength training program to hopefully balance some muscle groups and strengthen my core which should aso help with the onger runs. I have never religiousy stuck to a strength training program but now I am trying to stay deticated with the hopes it will get me back to Ultras that much faster. I still do much of my PT for my knees, as they are not the best and we sort of decided to postpone the Synvisc indefinitely...my body is simply too wonky right now and the risk of reacting to the gel vs. the benefit of getting it done...I would be the person that reacts. My immune system is working now, yes, but it is OVERreacting to things and something tells me that the Synvisc would be disasterous to deal with if a reaction occured. So, I will just wait until things settle down and re-evaluate then.

I have been gradually weaning off certian supplements as I run out. I will be adding other things in, but my goal is to NOT have to take a handful of pills 3 times a day. I am still struggling with my eating/nausea/barfing...sigh. It seems as though now anything and everything I was EVER sensitive to is now causing a reaction. I used to be able to eat some things on my 'allergy' list but now? Nope. Causes various reactions, none of which are pleasant. I ate tomatoes over the weekend and ended up having to take benadryl so that I could continue to breathe! Ugh, what a PITA. But, it makes sense. If my immune system is working, and your biggest immune *center* is in your gut...well, there you go. So I am being SUPER careful to ony eat things I know are safe. Funny thing about all this is over the last 6 mo of being in varying stages of not eating I have GAINED weight! Oh, the irony! Some of it is fluid/swelling, but some is not! Oy. I know it will come off as I get myself straightened out and continue to train but what a bitch-slap. I also know that during Lyme treatment people either gain alot or lose alot...regardless of what they eat. It depends on your body's reaction to the meds/herbs/etc. Honestly, though...I will take a few extra pounds if it means I will be healthy and not have to deal with the Lyme anymore... :)

So, what have I been eating? Seems cooked is better than raw, though I have had the occasional salad(if you call lettuce and cucumbers a salad...)mostly lots of veggies, safe fruits, some of our eggs...I am going to try some quinoa and possibly millet over the next week or so. I really want to try some of the recipes in the Thrive book, but beans and me...eh, probably should wait. I have not been able to eat fish in a while, but am thinking of trying yogurt again...I am a little light in the protien/amino dept since I can't seem to drink green smoothies unless they are sans green...I have tried some new whey protien shakes which seem to go down(and stay down) well so that works.

I am contemplating the 6hr GAC Mother's Day run...I am probably not really ready but I figure I can go and see what I can do. Who knows.... :) I am just itching to get back into it. I was hoping to do the Peak race in June but my family is doing a duathalon that day and I am the crew :) So, unless I go to Pineland Farms, I won't be doing anything until maybe end of July...which isn't a BAD thing, but I would like to test the waters before then.

Well, that's the view from here...

Thinking...and thoughts.

2011-04-18T09:05:00.000-04:00

So my little *healing crisis* turned into some sort of infection, causing me to be safe as opposed to sorry and in addition to my herbs, I added my unused Z-pak to the mix. Sigh. I could feel this going straight to my lungs and I was not having any of that. Lots of fluids, some spicy spinach-miso-ginger soup, and loads of vitamin C and I am hoping as of today I am on the other side.

I decided to do a raw 'cleanse' of sorts this week. Lots of fruits and salads and lemon water to flush out whatever garbage has taken up residence in me. I also go up to my top dose of the LDN, which should put me in a great place immune-system-wise. Now to strengthen said system so I do not catch every freaking virus that flies by! After which, I am leaning towards following the outline of the Thrive Diet. I like his blend of raw and cooked, and could probably persuade my family to eat some of the meals...plus alot of his recipes are so versatile and can be made nut free...a problem with many raw recipes as they all use NUTS. No nuts for me.

I have had to take a few days off from running which has not made me a happy girl especially when I have my awesome Hoka's staring at me from the front hall...man I LOVE those shoes! I cannot wait to get some serious miles in with them. I have no goals right now, except to get back into running LONG. I have decided I am not going to set my sights on anything right now, so I do not feel upset if I do not make said goals. I figure this year is all about healing and getting back at it.

I have had to struggle to come to this place though...

So much of what I read, of what is being 'proven' is saying Lyme, unless caught right away, is something you are stuck with for life. Yes, you can go into remission and live a "normal" life, but its a new normal. You can never let your guard down. You have to be SUPER vigilant with regards to your health: superior nutrition, enough sleep, exercise, the right supplements...it is a lifelong process. There is no end to it. Symptoms can flare for a day or 3 due to stress, illness, etc and then be gone again. The damage that is caused by Lyme and its co-infections is an additional battle you have to face. Some damage comes from the drugs used to cure it, some damage is from the Lyme/Co's themselves. Once joints are involved, you are stuck with that. Headaches, memory issues...sometimes they can come and go. Gut issues can take YEARS to correct after prolonged antibiotic use. Cardiac involvement can be permanent. People lose their gallbladders due to the drugs they have to take. Vision loss, hearing loss...can be permanent or temporary. Nerve damage of any kind is usually permanent. Not a pretty picture...especially since Lyme disease is now the fastest growing disease in this country. NO one is safe. If you go outside in your yard, the woods, etc you are exposed to ticks. I have found 3 ticks on my dog so far this year and I would be lying if I denied that it made me feel very panicy.

Recognizing that I have a potentially life-long disease has certianly put my life in perspective. I NEVER take good days for granted. When I can run, do things with my kids, hell...even clean my house, I am happy. Its a gift. A blessing. I knwo everything happens for a reason. I believe this is no different. I do not think for a second that I am dealing with disease for no reason. I will take what I know, what I have experienced and give back...help others. I am hoping to start a Lyme Group here in No Central MA and do some showings of Under Our Skin...educating people is the first step. I do not wish this disease on anyone and if I can prevent someone from having to go through this...then its worth it.

Expect lots of info coming up in May, which is Lyme Awareness Month...Don't be afraid to ask questions too... :)

Spring has sprung. Finally!

2011-04-16T09:36:00.000-04:00

Though its a wee bit chilly this morning, as I sit here in 2 fleece jackets, a hat, scarf, fleece blanket...guess my temperature regulating isn't what it should be yet... :)

I am in a bit of a healing *crisis*. I am still doing well, but my glands are pretty huge, I have had a sore throat for a few days now, and I some congestion. Could be allergies, could be my body fighting something off...which is actually a great thing! I am trying to eat well, still maintaining my supplements and I have added a low dose of Olive Leaf Extract for both the *crisis* and Lyme. I am on 9000mg of Vit. C a day, and now taking zinc for this whatever-it-is. I am not tired, still been running so...I am thinking this is simpy 'normal peope sick' not anything related to Lyme. Cool! :)

I am about a month or so out from when I quit abx et al, and trying to assess what is what at this point. I am still dealing with *Lyme Arthritis* and the damage from that may be something I just have to live with. I still have headaches, joint aches and random nausea/vomitting but it is much better than it was. Interestingly, green smoothies are the most 'triggering' for my nausea/vomitting! Who knew...I have found that I can not eat anything later at night, nor can I eat or take any pills then lay down or I trigger it as well. Not sure what that is about, but I am working on healing my gut so hopefully as it heas, that will cease. I still have NO appetite, despite running more, I am thinking that could be partly due to the Candida, which I am also treating. I am trying to be diligent about avoiding things I 'allergic/sensitive' to, as well as sugar...hoping that wil help. I think I have run my course for fish, as it is starting to become VERY unappealing to me so...we'll see what comes next. I have been eating my weight in green olives as it really does help with nausea! Good thing I like them :) I found some that were stuffed with garlic so its a double win as garlic is great for viruses/Candida :)

I have been running my usual 5+ mile route, with a few 6.5 milers thrown in and feeling good. I just got a new pair of sneakers, HOKA's!!! They are everything they promised to be. I LOVE them! I am hoping to do a 'long run' this weekend in them. I am tenatively planning to increase my miles now, VERY slowly, hoping to maybe be ready to do 50k by June. If not, it really IS ok. I have definitely come to a new place with running...it is so much a part of who I am, but I also need to take care of the *me* that does everything else. So ANY running I do is a win in my book now :) I know I will be back doing Ultras...if it doesn't happen this year, its ok. I will be THAT much more ready to get it done next year.

The kids/hubby have all been bitten by the *bug* after our Relay at the Mountain last weekend. They will all be doing a Duathalon the first weekend of June, and maybe some 5k's if I can find some locally. Hubby and JD will probably start biking with the Club in the next week or 2, and I hooked Hubby and Max up with new running sneakers so they can start 'training' for the run portion of their Duathalon. JD has been doing some running, and Lilly has as well, plus she does a ton of running at soccer. I love that this enjoyment of all things running/biking is something we can share and do as a family!!! I will be crewing for them at the Duath...quite a change! Normally, the 4 of them crew for me, now I will crew for the 4 of them! :)

JD and I are planning to volunteer for the Wapak and Back run in a few weeks. That particular brand of hell is not something I ever need to experience again so even if I WAS up to it, I would not run it. But, since it is basically in my neighborhood I figure we should go out and volunteer and cheer on the crazies that can't get enough of it ;)

So, all in all I can't complain. Things are good...just have to take it one step at a time :)

Feelin' Groovy...

2011-04-08T08:38:00.000-04:00

...and that is a damn good thing :)

Still feeling good, for the most part. Lingering symptoms are not too bad, and seem to be ever-so-slowly decreasing. I have been maintaining my immune building/strengthening program and it seems to be doing the trick. The LDN continues to work, I believe, and I am thrilled.

Overall, I feel much *healthier*, I am not as fatigued, less GI troubles, and my brain seems to be stablizing...though I still have unexplained anxiety and random stabbing headaches. I also seem to still have temperature regulating issues, insomnia(but I have always had that)and the Lyme Arthritis is still there. However, these things are totally manageabe and I am ok with it. I will be starting on a very low dose of 2 Lyme herbs and one virus herb to deal with the lingering bugs...I will stay on that probably through the summer.

My diet has been better...probably not as stellar as I had hoped. I never did give up the coffee, but have been trying to eat really well. Problem is, I have absoutely NO appetite which makes it really hard for me to fix myself a meal. I have ideas in my mind, and basically eat the same thing every day as I know I need to eat. I think I will stick with this *diet* until the end of this month and re-evaluate. I would like to go back to all raw, I just want to make sure my GI system can handle it.

Running has been wonderful. I am surprised, though, how much the last couple months has affected my running! I am slower than I was(which was pretty slow) and 5-6 miles feels harder than it should, imo, but not unmanageable. I know it will just take time to get back into the swing of things. Plus I am running in shoes past their prime and for me, I can feel as soon as they hit that *point* when they break down. I know some people can run their sneaks into the ground, but not me. Even in HS I used to have to get new sneakers 3 times a year. So, I broke down and finally ordered some Hoka's, which will be my only sneakers this year since my trail shoes didn't see much mileage this fall. I am really hoping that the extra cushioning help with my arthritic spots...plus they should help with the knee pain, leg fatigue, etc...I am super excited. They should be here by monday!

This weekend I am doing a relay with the fam up at the Mountain...its a 2 mile run(Jeffrey) 8 mile mountain bike ride(Lilly and Hubby) 2 mile *hike* up to the summit(me...then back down)and a slalom ski down the mountain(Max). I am going to run/hike as you can get up any way you can as long as it is on foot. I am hoping to get to the top in less than 30 mins, as I know I can if I am on the trail, but I believe they are sending us right up a ski slope...which still has snow on it. Wet, slushy snow. 30 minutes could be a dream... ;) Regardless, it will be a blast.

I am also hoping to do some more cross training this year. I am planning on getting some miles in on my bike, and doing some serious speed hiking as well. Not sure what my actual race calender will look like this year, as I just don't know how quickly I will be able to increase my mileage/endurance. I cetianly do not want to do TOO much too soon and risk relapsing. I am signed up for a race in August, and I want to do Stone Cat in November but beyond that I am simply going to have to wait and see. 5 miles is a far cry from 50k or 50m so...time will tell.

Update

2011-04-01T09:00:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a bit....still feeling good :)

I have been running about 5miles at a shot and feeling ok with that. I am recovering well, and feeling generally good. I feel some symptoms, but they are pretty mid compared to what I have been dealing with and at this point I feel like they may have other causes. The *sick* stuff seems to be MUCH less, and each day I feel better. My headaches are less frequent, my gut stuff seems to be responding to my treatment and I am not nearly as fatigued as I was. I know I still need to be careful not to over do things at this point, but I am very optimistic. I do seem to be herxing right now, but it is very mild...YAY! I believe its due to the massive amounts of garlic I am on, pus the salt/vit. C. This is great actually, as it means that though I am not *actively* treating the Lyme, I am still getting at it with other stuff. :)

I saw Dr. MoW for a folow-up yesterday and we both agreed that to continue with any abx at this point is not wise, since my feelings of being toxic were so severe. He and I agreed that for now, less is more and we think that its worth it to see where things go a-la the natural route. He is interested in anything I find that works. I got copies of all my labs and he has *chronic lyme* scrawled all over everything, though I know he didn't put it as my 'diagnosis' thankfully. We had a good chat about Insurance Co's and we are on the same page :) My labs are interesting...none of the Lyme stuff came back positive, which I expected since we did not use a good lab. However my CD57 is STILL low, my IgG is high, and my IgE is off the charts(that's allergy related) A few other things are high, includng my platelets, which alone is...??? He raised my LDN to the top dose to see if that will push things aong even more, and if not I wil come back down to 3mg. Otherwise, we touch base by phone in about a month then I will see him in about 6mo unless I need him sooner...which I hope I won't :)

I saw (useless) PC...trying to address my thyroid still. I explained to her my *situation* of 'simply not knowing what's wrong' and asked her to up my dose of Armour. I clearly have thyroid symptoms and how 'bout we try treating the symptoms and the patient instead of the labs? I wanted her to go up a whole grain, but when she read my labs to me I backed down and went with the quarter grain she suggested. Everything I read about Hashi's says most people are on double the dose of Armour I am on with similar numbers. The thing is...my labs have changed DRASTICALLY! Thank you, LDN for putting my thyroid in its place. Its not fixed, but interestingly my thyroid antibodies which are normally in the 900's (this is very bad, people!) are now 20. Um...well then! My other numbers have changed too, though not for the better, they are way low and I tend to do better when I am slightly high. We are trying the new dose for a month, then I have to check my blood level and maybe raise it again(hopefully) to get me in a good range for *me*. Plus, going up again on the LDN will have an effect on my thyroid levels as well so I don't want to do too much...no need to get all hyPER!
Still sticking with the Yeast Diet, though I haven't given up my coffee yet...sigh. I am a bit resistant as I am feeling childish about it. I have sacrificed so much WHY do I have to give up coffee? Wah. :) I am doing everything else, despite the fact I want to go to town on the grapes in the fridge and the cantaloupe on the counter and watching Max eating strawberries this morning made me drool....I will stick with it for now, because it does seem to be working.

Beyond that...I am watching some races, keeping some on the radar I may do...there is a 6hr at the beginning of May, and a 50k at the end, along with another one in June...then I may not do anything again until August...with my luck in the heat I would hate to mess myself up by trying to do a race mid-summer. I do have a few ideas for the fall...and maybe I will make it to StoneCat and finally get that DAMN JACKET!!!

:)

Back in the game :)

2011-03-25T15:51:00.000-04:00

So, I have basically made it through an entire week feeling good. FREAKING SCORE!!! :) I have run 3 times, and am headed out to run later today. I have even got a few races on my radar...FANTASTIC, I tell you! The kids have noticed, and are so thrilled to have their mom back...as am I.

What I think is working? The LDN. I really believe it is helping to right my wonky immune system. I also believe that taking a break from Lyme treament and boosting my immune system is helping ALOT. Along with dealing with my thyroid(I am now using supplemental iodine and DHEA) along with supporting my shriveled adrenals, and NOT OVERDOING IT.... :) I think I am on to something...FINALLY. I know I still have a fair amount of work ahead, but to be able to do it and feel reasonably ok is a huge bonus.

I know that I will need to go back on some sort of treatment in the near future, and I will. However, this time around I will have strengthened my immune/endocrine systems and I believe that I will be able to handle it better and have a more successful outcome. Because really, the hell of the last 3 months is something I do not care to revisit.

My next course of action is to address my diet. I know I have Candida(as do most Lyme peeps...side effect of prolongrd antibiotics) and my stomach issues are either bacteria in nature or Candida and I am leaning towards the latter as Dr. MoW said he saw some 'patches' in my throat the last time I was there...well, if you have Candida in your throat you have it in your gut and it causes all of the symptoms I am having! Go figure. So, I have added enteric coated peppermint oil to my protocol, and am doing oil of oregano(blech!) to keep that in check. Let me tell you how FANTASTIC the peppermint oil works! I am still randomly throwing up(tmi, sorry) but the nausea is gone for the most part, just here and there, but the PAIN is all but gone. Woot! I am going to do the Yeast Diet (cries) as not only is it good for starving the Candida, but supposedly it is helping those with Lyme as well. Makes sense, as bacteria need sugar, period. Well, Lyme et al are bacteria...Those of you who know me know this will suck, lol...I LOVE fruit, put far too much sugar in my coffee, and the coffee has to go too....but, it will be worth it. If I can make it through the first week I will be ok. Giving up grains and other starches isn't a problem as I already don't eat them. Cooking veggies is recommended, which I will do as I am all about the healing right now. There is plenty of time for me to go back to raw, and I will as I do love it but for now...I need to do what I need to do. I will continue to eat fish and our eggs as I need to eat enough and get protien and I can't eat soy or beans so...I am simply going to roll with this for now.

Bottom line is I am feeling better, and I am extremely hopeful that if I stick with the *low and slow* approach (low doses, slow increases/changes) I will be well on my way to healing and getting back at life.

Thank you again to all of you who have been there for me, near and far, with support, etc. It has meant SO much to me and really has helped...especially on the really-hard-days. Big sloppy hugs to all of ya!

There are changes afoot...

2011-03-21T09:48:00.000-04:00

Wow. What a week it has been. I have run the gamut of emotions, that's for sure. But, I survived and here is my tale:

Something interesting happened this week. Call it *woo*, call it the power of prayer, call it whatever you want...but SOMETHING happened.

Wednesday night I was a broken woman. I was done, put a fork in me I am cooked. Fried. Can't do this. So I prayed. And, I decided to get proactive. If I was on my own, so be it. I can do it, I can heal...for cryin' out loud, I am a HOLISTIC HEALTH COUNCELOR fer cryin' out loud! Granted, I don't actually practice beyond my family but still...I *know* how to heal. So, I prayed for clarity and I got it. I had a plan that would be *low and slow* ... meaning low doses, slow increases. I went through my 'supplies' and decided what would work best, what I wanted to deal with first and decided my immune system and thyroid/adrenals were the first order of business. I was going to continue to detox, at a much gentler rate, along with trying to EAT, but at the very least, drink as many smoothies as I could :) Basically, I was going to tune in to my body and *listen* to what I needed to do to heal.

That was Wednesday night. Thursday morning I woke up feeling good. Maybe not perfect but a hellofalot better than I had felt. I did some errands with the kids AND worked that night and felt good. That afternoon, though, my Dr called and gave me a new Rx for abx. Friday morning I woke up and felt like crap again. I was back on abx. I was NOT following *my* plan. Saturday followed suit. Then it hit me...STOP THE ABX. That is not what I need. Sunday, I woke up feeling good again. Coincidence? Divine Intervention?
I went running. A very VERY slow 4 miles. Then I came home and ran an errand. Worked in the garden a bit. Cleaned off the deck. All with breaks on the Hammock, spent laughing at/with my kiddos while they palyed nearby. That was a weeks worth of activity for me all in one day. I did not hit the couch once until after dinner when I sat down to watch tv with the kids.

It was an amazing day.

And this morning? I woke up feeling good again. With sore legs from running :) It had been 3 full weeks of not running, or doing any major activity so I am somewhat of a veal right now but that will change.

Now, I would say about half of my symptoms are GONE. I still have the stomach issues but I am wondering if that is not some sort of healing crisis-thing I may just have to deal with for a bit. But honestly, I can deal with bloating/nausea/pain right now, because I am actually upright, able to do things, functioning... this is a HUGE improvement!

I am not a rare phenomenon. Many people, and some that I have connected with in the Lyme community, have reached the point whereby abx are simply toxic to them. It is usually the point when they switch to herbals to finish the job. It often comes on suddenly, with some sort of health crisis (hello there...)I guess I am there. :)

I know I still have a ways to go, the fight isn't over yet. As long as I am symptomatic at ALL, I need to be aware and be treating. There will still be some bad days, I know, but this *shift* means there will FINALLY be some good days too. Hopefully the good days will outweigh the bad...at least that is what I am shooting for.

I need to be careful not to overdo it yet, I know I can't jump back into things full throttle as my body has taken a beating. But, I am SUPER encouraged now, and more deticated than ever to heal myself. I have no doubt I wil beat this thing. :)

I am going to try to get out and run every other day, even run/walk. I feel like I am starting over, but that's ok. Starting over is better than never starting again. I know I will be out there on the trails, running races, doing Ultras....in time. All in good time. For now, the race is *here* and I will take my time, and enjoy the pace. I will remember that I *have* all I need to heal within me, and will trust *my* instincts and pray for clarity.

Ahhh....its all good.

Somebody's ears were burning...

2011-03-18T08:49:00.000-04:00

It seems the Nurse at Dr. MoW's office got wind of my bitchin'...not really, but maybe she *felt* it, lol....She called me FINALLY yesterday afternoon and was all "What's up?" Um...I was wondering wtf I am supposed to do now? She said, "The Dr hasn't called you? He has your chart, he was supposed to call you!" I said "Noone has called me back in days."

So, the low-down is he is VERY leary of trying rifampin without doing more research. He would want my liver monitored continuously, and I would need a baseline liver function test. Ugh, so I asked her if she thought he might be willing to do another round of zithromax. She went and interrupted him and kept me on the phone. He said yes, so I start today. I asked about this for 2 reasons- 1)it will get me through until I see him at the end of the month and 2)Zith is a great Mycoplasma drug. When I see him, I am going to ask about zithromycin as a long term option. Various studies show 6mo of Zith is needed to wipe out chronic Myco...which I have had for at LEAST 5 years based on my labs...and funny, Mycoplasma symptoms are VERY much the same as the ones I have INCLUDING gut issues.

The really funny, but not, thing about all this is that Tuesday I had my meltdown about all of this then got proactive, which is my way. I had let go of the thought of having help with this, and accepted the fact that for all intents and purposes, I was on my own. I figured out a plan of action, reviewed what I had available and decided to do everything I could to get my immune system back on track. That is still my plan, but I guess I will still have a little help :)

I need to call for a GI consult too. This whole *gut thing* is getting really bad. Pepto Bismol and Mylanta are my new BFF's(omg liquid chalk, blargh) and I cannot eat without downing several doses of one or the other. (I am trying to alternate...ya know, mix things up a bit) It takes the edge off but...SOMEthing is not right here. Since Mycoplasma CAN infect your gut and mess with your gut immunity....its worth checking out. My dear friend Miss R recommended a best-of-the-best GI doc in Boston who will run all your testing in one day so you only have to go once. This is great, as I don't *do* Boston. He also tests for everything and though the thought of having *those* tests does not float my boat, somethin' ain't right and I can't live on Mylanta/Pepto.

I will say, though, that yesterday with the help of a couple doses of d-Ribose I was able to get a few things done and go to work without being 2.5 steps away from a coma. This is good. I will need to remember to incorporate that into my routine. I used it once before and though is doesn't seem to work long term, it did give me a boost for a couple weeks...I'll take a few weeks of feelin' ok!

So, I also put together a good regimine of immune boosting supplements, as well as starting on the iodine for my thyroid. I have added protien back into my diet in the form of fish, at least temporarily, to see if it helps. I am going to do this for a month then slowly add in a very low dose of herbals to deal with everything else. This may need to be adjusted, depending on what happens with Dr. MoW but that's my plan for now.

One foot in front of the other...

2011-03-17T09:37:00.000-04:00

After my somewhat devastating day yesterday, I had to get in a nice hit bath and simply cry. Normally I put a limit on my 'pity-partying' as I am a proactive kinda gal, but not yesterday. I have been dealing with this for so long that I was going to pity party as long as I needed to. Post pity-party, I decided if I was on my own I better figure this out. So, I sat. I read. I asked for guidance. And here's where I am at:

Clearly, there is something wrong with my immune system. I am feeling like that is where I need to start. I can take all the drugs in the world, but if my immune system is never healed then once I come off the drugs I will be no better than I am now AND I will be succeptable to reinfection, etc. MANY people have antibodies to all sorts of things and NEVER have symptoms. Why? Because their immune systems WORK. So, my plan is to refill my abx rx's(both of them) before they expire and keep them on hand in case things get bad and at least I have a few months worth of abx I can use.

In the mean time, my plan of action is to really strengthen my immune system. I have put together an immune boosting regimine, including addressing my thyroid/adrenal issues along with a good diet(as soon as I can actually eat again) and hopefully in the near future, exercise, while continuing to GENTLY detox...I think that over the next 6 mo. I can expect good changes. I am planning on doing a VERY low dosing of anti-Lyme herbs 1-2 times a day which I will not increase until I KNOW my immune system can handle it. I am going to also try and avoid my allergens, possibly do some homeopathics for molds and stuff, and pray. I am on my own here...and I can't give up.

I am figuring 6mo to a year on this 'protocol' including the Lyme herbs, based on what I have read of others doing the herb aproach. But, I should not herx (or not badly anyways) and I should consistantly get better. I will have the abx, should I need them if I end up in any sort of 'crisis' and I probably have 2 weeks worth of an antiviral that I could use as well.

Here's hoping it will all come together....
Phew.

Spring is on its way, fresh produce is just around the corner so a beautiful raw diet will not be an issue...and who knows...I may just be back out there running in the very near future. I just got an email that registration is open for Pinelands... :)

Apparently I have been dumped.

2011-03-16T18:14:00.000-04:00

So, you will have to excuse me if I am a wee bit depressed today.

Dr. Formerly Known As Made-of-Win...is no more. I have not had a return call in 3 days despite my calling the office. No "we are trying to find something", no "we don't have an answer yet", not even a "we just can't help you"...basically my calls simply go ignored. Wow. I really had high hopes with this doctor, he was open to listening to me, to trying to help avoid sending up any red flags to the insurance co, he was even willing to try the LDN...but now? Apparently he is done with me. Wow.

And here I thought medicine was a SCIENCE, that persons interested in medicine, would want to know WHY things did not line up, don't fit the 'profile' etc...questions that need answers, imo, would be exciting for Doctors. I mean, they did go into their profession to HELP people, no? I would be up all night giddy and researching if I had a patient like me(oh, wait....I do...and I am up most of the night and researching though not simultaneously...)but what I am finding out is that *my* expectation of doctors and reality are 2 very separate things. Why ask why when you have a practice full of patients who fit xyz profile that can be treated with xyz medicine and never ask why, so you can drive home in your Lexus to your half a million dollar home...

I am not the only person like *me* out there. I know this for a fact. But dagnabbit, I am getting tired of fighting. I am tired of being in pain, nauseous, foggy, headachy, couch-bound...I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I have tried herbs, I have tried various other alternative 'methods', I don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat meat/dairy/gluten (or much else for that matter) the only thing that has sort of worked was abx and apparently I will not be on those anymore...I cannot afford a LLMD at $250-$400 a visit PLUS labs, meds and travel expenses as I would have to travel out of state to even GET a LLMD...

I feel completely and totally defeated. Let down my the 'medical community', my useless PC and the one Dr. I actually thought would be able to help me. To say I am upset right now is an understatement. I am competely at a loss as to what I am supposed to do now, and existing as I am is unacceptable to me.

How is it that a Dr. does not think it is a problem that an otherwise healthy woman with supposedly no pre-existing condition, who is capable of running ULTRA marathons and is reduced to barely being able to go up and down the stairs, is worthy of...nothing? Seriously? Wow.

There is a reason that before all this started going on about 5 years ago, I never went to the doctor. I had a girl-physical once every year or 2 and I had prenatal care when I was pg. I had to be near-death and/or all natural remedies had failed before I would go meaning I have probably been to the Dr. for an illness a handfull of times in my adut life prior to this. I had no faith in doctors then, and honestly saw no use for them in my life unless it was absoutely DIRE and I needed a prescription.

Now, I have gone so far as to completely avoid all pain meds offered as well as any antidepressants, even though both may very well be useful as I am in pain, and I know antidepressants help with pain/headaches/sleep. My reasoning for that was 1)I don't want to mask symtoms I want to FIX the problem and 2)once I start with them, everything henceforth will be *in my head* or part of my *depression*. I want to be taken seriously. And seriously, who WOULDN'T be depressed if you felt like you had a nasty case of the flu off and on for 5 YEARS???

I am at a complete loss.

Daylight Savings and my life in limbo.

2011-03-14T10:02:00.000-04:00

First off I have to say I simply LOVE Daylight Savings! Oh, the LIGHT!!! It was light until 7pm? last night...course it took half the day for me to realize that it WAS daylight savings...why did Yahoo not inform me of this? Perhaps if I looked at my calendar now and again I would have known...but I didn't as most of the time I don't know what day it is anyways. Besides, does it really matter? Currently, in my world, it does not. :) But, we are on track now, clocks have been changed and joy is felt for longer days ahead.

So now...on to my trip to the ER...

Friday night I was up all night with this fairly new *symptom* of chest/stomach pain. I have had it for about 2+ weeks now, it comes and goes, varying in intensity. Well, friday night it hit a new high and saturday morning I was OVER it. I called the on-call to see if they had saturday hours as I was hoping to figure out what the heck was going on and make it stop. On-call said she wanted me to go to the ER in case it was my heart...which I didn't really think it was, but she made me all nervous so...off I went.

I got a full cardiac workup, which I have never had before. I had another 7 vials of blood taken by an AWFUL nurse (who thankfully went home and was replaced by a very nice nurse)I was given a GIcocktail to try and deal with my stomach pain, and then I was given Nitroglycerin in case it WAS my heart. How nasty is that stuff? Holy cow. I suppose if it saves your life you don't mind the side effects but UGH. It was awful. Add blinding migrain to my stomach/chest pain.

The Nurse Practitioner came in to get my history, etc and she was very awesome. Basically she coud not figure out what was wrong, (and the Dr could not be bothered to try...)and she was very sorry to be sending me home in pain...would I like some pain meds? (GAH. No. )She did run a test for h. Pylori which is a bacteria that causes ulcers. I had an ulcer in HS and I do remember it hurting like a sonofagun, so maybe....I mentioned to NP that I was, previous to the onset of my symptoms, taking a TON of herbs and supplements, is it possible that they ate a hole in my stomach? She said it is possible. Fun. I will get the results of that test tomorrow. They told me to follow-up with my PC...yeah, no. I will call for the lab results. I don't go see her anymore unless I absolutely HAVE to. So for now,me and Maalox are good friends. Cherry flavor, as the mint is nasty.

In the mean time, I apparently missed a call from Dr. MoW last week asking how I was doing so I called this morning. I have to deal with the nurse-I-don't-care-for, but ...eh, oh well. I told her though I do feel slightly better from the Zith, for the most part my symptoms are the same. I said at this point I am not dealing with this well at all, and despite the side effects I feel bad enough that I would go back on Doxy. Or...could she ask the Dr. about rifampin (another abx used for Lyme, Bart and Mycoplasma...)I am concerned about using amox, et al as I do not want to become resistant to a drug so commonly used...what if I needed it for something else? She agreed, and said she would talk to him and get back to me. So, we will see. I really don't want to stay on amox...and I REALLY don't want to go back on the doxy but it was the only thing that has helped so far...ugh.

It has been 16 days since I ran last(yes I am counting) though it feels like longer. I miss it. Mentally it wears on me, and physically...I don't even want to think about the endurance, etc I am losing... :( I really REALLY hope to be back running by the time the weather gets nice. I don't think I could deal with being sedentary once the weather changes.

Mentally, I need something to pick me up. One of the harder things about this illness is what it does to me mentally. Not being able to remember things, carrying on a conversation can be tough as I REALLY have to focus or I just repeat myself, can't keep track of what I want to say...I feel dumb. I also get extremely irritable, am VERY sound/light sensitive, and am fighting being super depressed...which I think is normal given the circumstances but there is something about Lyme especially when it is neurological that makes one get very depressed. That irritates me to no end as I have NOTHING to be depressed about in the grand scheme of things beyond being sick. I have such a great life, and no worries/struggles beyond what anyone else has yet I feel so down. I *know* it is the disease but...gah. Annoying doesn't even begin to cover it. work through. The *lyme arthritis* has been with me for a while so I have pretty much been in some sort of pain for years. Whatever. I used to run with pretty much constant pain in my feet and knees, pus the pain in my hands(which has now resulted in several of my fingers being permanently swollen...???)I have a pretty high tolerance to pain. I can deal with it, I can work with it. Its everything else that is making me batshitcrazy.

Hopefully I will hear back from Nurse soon and know what the next step is. Several of my Lyme pals have recommended another herbal trial but...after my last go-'round I am a bit leary to jump back into that yet. I do still have my Naturopath appt this friday...though I was going to cancel, maybe I shouldn't...ugh. I have a day or 2 to decide. Honestly, my *drug* cabinet is overflowing. I cannot add another thing. :)

Well, that's the latest news from here...just pugging along...

As they filter in...

2011-03-08T19:03:00.000-05:00

After a rather irritating go-'round with Not-So-Smart Nurse, I was able to talk to Smart Nurse and get some info yesterday. I called Dr. MoW's office as I was getting close to that warmed over death feeling and my brain was getting stabby. After 5 days on Amox, I felt nothing, and in fact was getting slightly worse. I was starting to panic so I called.

I cannot even rehash how moronic my experience was with Not Smart Nurse("Maybe you should have your electrolytes checked?And call your primary care doc because we are an ALLERGY office, you know..." REALLY????!!!!????) but suffice it to say, I was about to become TRULY stabby had Smart Nurse not called back. Basically a few preliminary labs have come in. I came back positive for Mycoplasma. I tested high for that several years ago, but nothing was done about it...sooooo it got to fester for a few years. Mycoplasma can be a real b*tch to treat, depending on which type it is. I am still waiting to hear on the other co-infection labs. There are a few that could come back as positive, others are harder to 'reach' similar to Lyme(Bb) itself. However, he is running some tests that, if positive/high, will be very much as if the actual Bb came back positive. Until they perfect the actual Lyme testing, you have to go 'round back, so to speak, to see what is going on. It will give us some more baseline numbers to go by also. You can feel all fine and dandy and simply be in remission, not 'cured' and without something to refer to, we will not know when we have reached the 'cured' point.

So for now, we add Zithromax to the mix. I will say that this morning I was able to feel functional until about noon-ish, and I was even able to go out and run an errand. By the time we were headed home though...I could feel that I was done. Massive headache, nausea and the other usual symptoms came crashing in. Sigh. I can hope, though, that each day my 'window' will get bigger? I hope...

I finally found the name of the abx I wanted to ask the Dr. about- rifampin. It is equal to doxy in power, but less severe herxing, NO sun sensitivity and it works on Bb, Bart, and Mycoplasma :) It is an older abx, and not one routinely prescribed, which is good in that it reduces my chance of becoming resistant to an abx that I may need to take someday for something else. When I see the Dr. at the end of the month I will run it by him and see what he thinks. Otherwise we will most likely need to WAY up the Amox and that is such a common abx...I would hate to become resistant to it.

I have decided to post-pone my knee procedure indefinitely. I just can't see adding something into the mix right now...with me being so out of whack, and not really running much anyways...I may as well wait until I am feeling better so I can actually do the rehab and get out and run. I would hate to start it and have some effed up reaction because my immune system doesn't know what's what. lus, based on how I react to dental work, I just think it would make an already crappy situation worse. So, I will wait. Its ok.

It was SO nice out today...sunny and milder than it has been. Perfect running weather...man, I cannot wait to be back feeling well enough to run. I miss it, yes I do. I am trying to be good though, and simply focus on the tasks at hand and strengthen my immune system, and knock back this infection. Boy, when I am back running though, I am going to make sure I am TRULY running with gratitude every single time I lace up my shoes.

OK, there is a strawberry/mango/sinach GS calling my name...

Thanks Slow and Steady! :)

2011-03-08T16:54:00.000-05:00

I got tagged with a Stylish Blogger Award!
But I am such a dolt, I know nothing about this, lol. I do not know how to tag, link, or otherwise...doh. Here is the best I can do for who tagged me... http://chandadefoor.blogspot.com/ Isn't she cute? :)

Here's a brief recap of the rules that go along with it:

Make a post + Link back to the person who awarded you this award.
Share 7 things about yourself.
Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers so we can share the love.
Contact these bloggers and tell them they’ve won.

7 things....I am going to tell y'all 7 non-running, non-raw things :)

1) I have 3 kids who are my world. They are why I get up in the morning and what keeps me fighting this dern disease.

2) I have a weakness for jelly beans. At least right now. It used to be licorice, but now I can't even think of eating it. I try to stay away as I shouldn't eat sugar at all but....eh, a girl's got to have a little fun here and there!

3)I met my husband through a personal ad. Back in the day when they were in the newspaper. He is wonderful, and awesome and I would not change anything. Well, I might change SOME things, lol, but he is truly the love of my life, my rock, and my dear friend. It hasn't always been easy, and sometimes downright HARD but here we are, 13 years later, still together.

4)In a past life, I was an artist. And a massage tech. I am a Jane-of-all-trades, and have only spent maybe 2-3 years actually doing the job I went to school for. I am ok with that.

5)I am a good cook but I suck at baking. Its that whole following-directions-exactly thing that doesn't work for me.

6)I am afraid of heights, swimming in the ocean over my head, and bees. I am allergic to bees so I think that one is ok.

7) I have serious control issues. I'm working on them :)

I don't know how to tag anyone so...I am a big dork?

Slowly, slowy said the sloth...

2011-03-06T10:31:00.000-05:00

Feeling sloth-like these days...

I am on day 4 of my abx. I do not feel better, but I do not feel worse...I guess that is good. I am trying to be patient. This time 'round may take a bit of time to feel good, as we are not going full tilt on the abx yet...though my dose is high, it is still ony half of what I should be on. Scarey, though, as my pharmacist said to me "You do realize this is an incrediby high dose...higher than anything you have been on before?" Um, yep. I get it. Sigh.

I started taking my 'regular' vitamins today. D3, B-compex, mega dose of C and my salt, plus this SUPER potent probiotic my pharmacist sells that is specifically designed to be used if you are on abx. I am going to wait a week and see how I feel doing this, before I start my thyroid stuff. My thyroid suppements came in the mail the other day but I don't want to start anything new until I see how I am. Slow and steady this time...

I am not doing any detoxing herbs, etc now. I am still doing my epsom salt/H2O2 baths because they feel good :) My achy self needs them.

Symptom-wise, I am feeling the general I-think-I-have-the-flu-but-not, mild headaches, achy hands/muscles, and swollen hands, etc. My stomach has been ok, so far, and I am crossing my fingers that continues. My brain is a bit slow and foggy, and my memory is sketchy but the ragey stuff seems to have passed. Anxiety isn't too bad, as I just don't have the energy for it, lol. I am SUPER fatigued, which sucks the most, as I am sick of being so tired, but I am trying to be calm about it. Its funny, I can push through the other symptoms but this brain-numbing fatugue is what stops me in my tracks. Its as if I am wearing a weighted full-body suit of lead, similar to what they put on you when you have an xray...and then I try to move around and do things. Oy. It is tough, I am definitely having to pick and choose what I do because doing it all is NOT an option. I am pretty much back to doing the bare minimum of things 'round here. Sigh. Man, I cannot wait to get back to *me*...

I am hopeful though...somewhere in the back of my mind, I am hopeful. I have to be...

In the mean time I am living vicariously through others :) This was a big race weekend and I am patienty waiting for race reports(y'all BETTER write some!) Seems like they all dis well and had fun so I am looking forward to reading all about it. I am hoping to be well enough by May to volunteer at a few races so I can watch live and in color, my running peeps do their thing :) I am sloooooowly accepting the fact that racing this year will probably be out of the question...and I am trying(not very succesfully right now) to be ok with it. I can't think about loss, I have to focus on what is to come. Getting well, and coming back stronger than ever.
I have to. For my kids. :)

Off to look for race reports... :)

Dr. MoW really is made-of-win.

2011-03-03T15:40:00.000-05:00

My crisis appt this morning was a success...at least I think it was.

It was rough getting to an appt. at 8:30am when I can barey function and 2 out of 3 kids are NOT morning people...but we made it and early, to boot. The nurse brought me back and said I looked HORRIBLE. Heh. Normally I look fine but feel awful, so I guess this was a good thing(?) that how I feel and how I look match. Dr. MoW came in and wanted to know what the heck happened as the last time he physically saw me was when I was still on abx before xmas...and I was doing pretty good.

So, I went through my issues (I wrote them down as I am having memory issues too) and he said, basically, I was better when I was on the abx, able to run, feeling ok. Now, I am not. Bottom line is I need to go back on the abx as clearly the *issue* is not resolved. So, he has me on a mega dose of Amoxicillin, with plans to increase it if need be. Or, we will simply use another drug. Though there are side effects I will need to contend with, sun sensitivity is NOT one of them, thankyouverymuch :)

I also gave him my list of lab tests I wanted run, and though I knew 'back when' what they meant, I can't remember now...but he looked at them and said he knew exactly what they were and, incidentally, had a case at Children's Hospital last weekend where they needed many of the same labs. The *lab girl* whom I also love, spent about 30-40 mins trying to find the codes for all the tests, bless her. She had heard of them and knew they were all for Lyme...7 more vials of blood gone. My poor crappy vein is not happy today, lol.

All I can say is thank Spirit I have them on my side. Though I do not feel any better today than I did yesterday, MENTALLY I feel better knowing that Dr. MoW is helping, and that with the abx I will get better, now it IS just a matter of time. There is an end to this madness in sight.

I did not want to be back to the point where I would be on abx. Honestly, it scares me to death to think of what I am doing to my body but desperate doesn't even begin to cover how I was feeing. I was an absolute mess last night and though we LOVE the ND I am going to see, Hubby said "All the crystals and herbs in the world are not going to fix this at this point" - and honestly, I think he is right.

I think I need to ride this out. More is not neccesarily better. I know now that I do not need to do every single remedy/herb/etc that is out there as my body simply cannot handle it. So, for now I do this. I will still work on strengthening my immune system, and deal with my thyroid issues and hopefully this will be a corner turned. Slow and steady wins the race...this is an ultra, not a sprint.

I do need to go back on my Candida regemine as he did see patches in my throat...systemic Candida is a b*tch, but I can manage, and if that is the worst of the side effects, I can certianly deal with it.

I would love it if in a week or so I actually feel like I could look forward to some races :) amongst other things. I will know a lot more in 2 weeks when all the labs come back. EVERYthing should be back in by then and it will create a picture we can then work with. We will either find out more or have ruled out more. Either way, Dr. MoW will still continue to treat the clinical picture, and right now that is what I need. I am so grateful to have him in my corner.

OK, I have a little more fight left to give...balls to the wall, indeed.

Well.

2011-03-02T16:25:00.000-05:00

My life is like NE weather...If I don't like it, wait a minute.

By the end of Monday I was back in a pit. Tuesday I woke up and was back to puking...I called the dr. I got in to see the NP that I like very much. She is a woman of few words, but I know she is smart and I trust her more than my Dr...NP's usually ARE better, imo, as they have nothing to prove, and will LISTEN and treat. She spent the better part of 15 minutes going through my chart, asked me a shitton of questions, checked me out, noted my feverish state(but I didn't have a fever according to the thermometer...this is an issue for me...)She ordered a bunch of bloodwork, including a thyroid panel(thank you!) and a bunch of other things. We talked Lyme, but we both know that the whole lack of cdc pos. test BS is what it is...

I told her *this* has been going on for years. Nobody seems to be able to diagnose exactly what it is, they just keep throwing trash can diagnosis' at me- CFIDS, we-don't-know, Allergies, thyroid, disregulated immune system...Immunologist says it 'acts like Lyme' based on my reaction to abx and some of my labs but...I told her I am OVER THIS and I want relief NOW. She said she doesn't blame me. I am hoping to hear from her soon. She also wants to see me back in 2 weeks. Sigh. Healing Julie, take eleventy-seven.

Really, in all my years of 'dealing' with this, this has been the worst bout yet. Yes, I felt better on abx for a while, but this slow spiral down that isn't responding to anything...ugh. I did go back and look at my 'records/journals' and it seems that I have been able to get up to a year of 'health' or what is acceptable as health, but its more likely to be 6-ish months. Regardless, it IS possible. I have run 50 mile races, and FINISHED them, for eff sake! So, I CAN be healthy...

I was telling Hubby last night, this lack of being able to function is killing me. I am a Type A person. I want to get up in the morning and go balls-to-the-wall until bedtime. I like having a long to-do list and getting things done. I want to train for races, work in the yard, work on the house, do stuff with the kids, wash-rinse-repeat. Now...that is HARDLY what my days look like...its the bare minimum at best...I think that is one of the hardest things for me. That and not being able to do everything I want with my kids. Actually, the effect this has on my kids is probably at the top of the list of things that I hate most about this... :(

So, I finally got to talk to the NP and so far the only thing that has come back not normal is my MVC is elevated, which can indicate a B12 deficiency...given that I am a veg/vegan this is entirely possible, though I do usualy supplement with B complex or just B12...who the heck knows.

On a good-ish note, I managed to score an appt for tomorrow morning with my Immunologist. I don't know that he will be able to help at all but at least he will be seeing me at my worst, to compare it to my better...I am at a loss right now and if he has no advice then I am seriously contempating a long walk off a short pier.

Basically, I am just really, really sad. Frustrated and sad. :(

Benadryl. My new BFF.

2011-02-28T10:08:00.000-05:00

After spending the day on the couch, ingesting vast quantities of Benadryl I am a new woman. Sorta. ;) lol

Let's not get carried away. I have a post-Benadry hangover, BUT my glands are back where they should be, my hands/overall swelling is gone, and I can swallow once again. Hooray. I do not feel as though I have been hit by a truck, just the usual tired-ness which could be leftover from the Benadry, as I tend to be very sensitive to it. I will say I have not had such a good night sleep as I had last night in YEARS. Oh, it was pure bliss :) I don't know why I am so against benadryl...it is WIDELY used in the Lyme et al community for Herxing as well as sleep as it is non-addictive and you cannot build up a tollerance to it! (did you know that? I did not.) Since we are completely at a loss, and noone knows what is going on, I am running with Hubby on this one. I am having SOME kind of reaction to SOMETHING...we just don't know what. Is it detox? Allergies? Healing crisis? No way of knowing. ALL of those things will benefit from a magical little pill :) I also took some activated charcoal between my Benadryl doses as that is good for cleaning up toxins, etc...though I am inclined to think that is not what this is but it can't hurt.

I feel a bit better mentally today, now that I am outside the hell that was yesterday. I am trying to piece together what to do next...knowing that aside from my ND(who I am now not seeing until later in march due to weather/scheduling issues) I am on my own here. I am trying to be more open to thinking outside *my* box, and -intuit- what I may need...sounds kinda *woo* but at this point I am open to almost anything. I clearly need to tune in to what is going on here. I am going all the way back to the begining to see if I can work my way up from there.

It has been interesting to me that as I am shifting my views, the many communities/forums/sites I frequent are showing a similar trend. It seems many people are starting to think that getting back to basics and dealing with the immune system and its friends is the way to make some headway. I really *feel* that if I can get my thyroid and adrenals in a better place, as well as supporting my immune system, and get in a better pace nutritionally, I have a better shot at beating this. Right now I feel like my immune system et al is like a bus, and my thyroid is the driver...and he's drunk. Time to sober him up! There are several inexpensive and immune supportive things I can do that will not cause any negative reactions...that is my next step. Iodine therapy, pregnenolone, Tyrosine, and one other supplement...in NORMAL doses, is doing wonders for many people. It will work with the Salt/C protocol I am already on and in fact, it is suggested that you use salt and Vit C for your adrenals. So, unbeknownst to me, I was already on the right track. :)

Supposedly, it takes a few months to truly feel the difference. I don't see Dr. MoW until April so I can finagle with these things for now, and if I am not seeing any improvements I can talk with him. He *is* an immunologist, and though he specializes in allergies, he should be able to work with me on the immune piece. By then, I also should know if the LDN is working. I don't want to do too many things so I know what IS working so I am simply going to add the thyroid protocol piece and watch to see how things go.

In the mean time...Benadryl is my friend. :)

Hopefully, I will be abe to get a few runs in this week. Today is rainy and icy and not looking good. Maybe tomorrow? Guess it depends on how I feel. I have my first Synvisc injection on Thursday...I almost feel like its a waste since I am not running that much but...maybe that's good as it will set up nicely for when I *DO* run again. Here I was worried it would interfere with my training...HA! :)

Done.

2011-02-27T11:38:00.000-05:00

I am so totally over this.

I was all set to come and post of my latest research on the miracles of iodine and pregnenolone and the wonders of its power over the immune system as well as the endocrine system but...

Then I had this whole puking thing...at first it was just at night. For several nights in a row, like clockwork, I would puke. No rhyme or reason. Usually after I tried to eat/drink something. Then that filtered earlier into the day. Last night by the time I went to bed my almost non-exsistant glands in my neck were SO swollen I couldn't swallow my own spit. I have wierd, nonspecific pain in my stomach and under my ribcage and I am so queasy now I fear eating/drinking at all. This, after feeling like despite the random night-puking, I might have been doing ok, and I *just* said to Hubby yesterday morning that my glands had been not swollen for at least 2 weeks which was awesome...and what led me to decide to pursue some thyroid/adrenal stuff to support my immune system...and now this. Really? WTF.

At the suggestion of both Hubby and a friend, I am going to try taking some Benadryl because clearly my body is reacting to SOMETHING, even if we have no idea what. It will put me into a coma, which is fine since I didn't sleep last night at ALL due to my stomach pain and not being able to swallow...

I was all excited too, because I had felt pretty ok the last few times I ran. It was slow, but it was so nice...I really felt like I was on to something by leaning more towards working on beefing up my immune system as opposed to going after this-or-that...I figured I could deal with regulating my *dis*regulated systems, getting them all on the same page and have some sort of plan in place before my next appt. with Dr. MoW and my now rescheduled appt with my ND...

Now, I just feel beat. Beaten down. I am REALLY trying to stay positive, but...gah. This is tough. And it sucks. Hoping that a Benadryl-induced coma will make everything right in the world when I wake up. One can hope :)

Just another day in the life...

2011-02-23T10:20:00.000-05:00

Sigh.

I really thought going off the herbs was the answer. I was feeling better, got a few runs in and....now I am back to crapdom. Not totally, but here nonetheless. I am just at a total loss here. It is possibe that running, as great as I feel doing it, is counter-productive right now...which of course KILLS me, but....man, something has got to give here.

I have pretty much stopped taking everything but my garlic and Salt/C. My digestion has all but ceased to function so I am pretty much limitted to smoothies unless I want to be in major pain and distress. I am swollen(?) and achy, competey exhausted AGAIN, and various other symptoms. BUT my headaches are much better...so I guess that's a good thing. I am very much looking forward to my appt. on friday...I REALLY hope she can help. I am feeling very much at my wit's end here...and I almost don't have the energy to care.

I did, however, do some additional reserarch (of course!) and was looking into other areas of some of the *issues* I have... mainly my thyroid. I have an autoimmune thyroid condition. Well, your thyroid is like the bus driver, with the bus being your endocrine system. Without a properly functioning endocrine system, your immune system cannot function properly. If your immune system doesn't work properly, you cannot get well. So, I am back at the beginning here. My thyroid is being under-treated because my useless PC is a slave to labs, instead of treating the symptoms. AI Thyroid conditions can change DAILY. What that means is just because you had a bood draw at 9am on Monday and the lab said your numbers were such-and-such, does not mean that 8 hours later, or 3 days later, they weren't something else. That's why with AI issues you MUST treat the symptoms.

Now, many Lyme symptoms and Hashimoto's symptoms are similar. I would THINK that treating the thyroid symptoms to see what happened would be a logical step. Seems that PC's don't follow logic though...so, once again I am on my own. I also found out that under-treated thyroid conditions lead to adrenal fatigue/failure...which was something my ND questioned 10 YEARS ago and it was never treated...and that was pre-Lyme, pre-Hashimoto dx...I have all the symptoms of that, and lucky for me it is a simple 24hr saliva test. I am having the test done, hopefully, before I see Dr. MoW as he seems to be at least somewhat on board with me. He isn't going to follow me off a cliff, but if I come in with my research he MAY hear me and hopefully help me address the thyroid/adrenal issues and THEN perhaps my immune system will start to function and I can get well.

The hoops I have to jump through to simpy get well...boggle my mind. If I went in to see my PC and said I am depressed, anxious and can't sleep...I would wak out with a Rx for Zanax, an antidepressant and some sort of sleeping pill. All in a 10 minute appt. BUT if I go in with those symptoms and say I would prefer to get to the root of the problem causing these *symptoms*...I am looked at like I have 3 heads. I don't want to be on medication to MASK the symptoms, I want to fix the problem and get on with my life!!! Why is that such a bizzaar concept for most doctors? They will SHOVE Rx's for narcotics down your throat but God-forbid I want to increase my thyroid med a little...NO WAY! We can't do THAT! How about some Prozac instead? Grrr.....

I just finished listening to a podcast done by a guy who cured himself of Lyme. He did it without using any Rx meds whatsoever. It was very interesting, and now he is helping other peope with Lyme, cancer, etc. He talked alot about cleansing, detoxing, and 'natural' antibiotics, making elixers and remedies using the things you have availabe in your own kitchen. Very inspiring and made me possibly, perhaps, contemplate trying another juicing experience. Yeah.

I have tried doing juice cleanses before. I hate them. Granted, I haven't tried one in about 5years, and now I am not eating much real food anyways...plus I feel like crap so the whole detoxing/juicing thing won't make me feel any worse...or maybe it wil but sadly, I am getting used to it. I will see what the ND says friday...might be time to try again.

The podcaster also discussed systematically under-eating(he is mostly raw/vegan) We as a society are a bunch of pigs, really :) Most people eat FAR more than they need to in order to sustain good health. Most of the healthy peope who have lived to 100 and beyond are people who practice systematic undereating. Its an interesting concept. The amounts of foods they consume are small in comparison to what the average american is probably consuming but its not garbage food. These SU's eat extremey heathy foods and stick to a pretty strict diet of raw/organic/vegetarian foods and do quite well. Part of the theory is if you are overeating, your body spends a rediculous amount of time trying to digest and then decide what to do with what you have eaten. If you did not eat enough nutrients, it will then send out a signal for more food, starting the process all over, and causing you to *over* eat. All this energy going into digesting, is taking away from energy that can be used in other ways, rebuilding cells, healing, etc, giving you ACTUAL energy to do things...it was VERY interesting and something I am storing away in ye olde brain for future refrence.

In the mean time...perhaps its time to dig out the juicer...

Less y'all think I fell off the planet...

2011-02-20T11:56:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd update. :)

I have been feeling pretty good off the herbs. Not perfect, but SO much better. Not as tired, headache is significantly less severe, though noise/sound sensitivity is still there. I ran in the gorgeousness that was the weather Friday and felt pretty good, and continued to feel ok after. I have not run since, but hope to later today...however I have been doing massive cleaning/reorganizing/etc at my house which is pretty amazing to me :) I have been going-going-going all day for the last 2 days and been absolutey fine. This is fantastic. I have been cautiously optimistic this past week as it seems as though things are ever-so-slowly getting better. I am very much hoping the trend continues and I will get even more clarity from my ND on Friday. I will say, things are filtering in as to what I need to do/not do, but I am not making any firm decisions until Friday.

I have been reading about Thyroid stuff as well...mine has been a mess for years, and even when treated it STILL is a mess which may/may not be adding to the pot-o-crap I am dealing with. I did make one change, and that is to chew my thyroid med...sounds gross, but apparently that is they way you are SUPPOSED to take this particular brand of thyroid stuff! No one told me...so we will see if it helps, and I am also going to see if my Dr will retest and up my dose. I have a feeling it is not high enough. I am also going to ask of she will test my adrenal function as that has not been done in YEARS and people with Hashi's tend to have crappy adrenals to boot. Maybe there is something going on there...who knows. Its an easy fix and one that woud make a HUGE difference.

I have been trying to eat mainy raw, when appetite permits, which isn't all that often...I still don't have much of an appetite as I think my gut is still trying to recover. Smoothies and kefir shakes have been ok, so I am sticking with those. I haven't been seeping well, but that is normal. Don't notice much by way of the LDN, unless the 'feeling better' is due to that...don't know if it is due to that or the lack of herbs. Heck, I'll take it. :)

Just trying to stay positive. Still hoping to eek out some races this year, though I haven't signed up for anything and may miss cut-offs, etc...eh, its ok. I am trying to practice letting go and allowing things to be. That's a tough one for me, but its the esson I have been handed so...I'm gettin' to it. I am just really looking forward to getting back out there and running. Far. :)

Well.

2011-02-15T11:05:00.000-05:00

SOMEbody is incredibly slow on the uptake.
:)

That and my brain is incredibly fuzzy. But, after thinking, and talking with Hubby over the last couple days I have come to some concusions and made some decisions. We talked about the pattern of my 'illness' over the last 5 years(or so) and though no 2 Lyme pts are alike, I have a rather odd 6 mo cycle...Hubby also pointed out that I spent months NOT on anything more than a fistfull of random vitamins and felt fine, ran ultras, etc. So, going 'untreated' for periods of time, and I was ok. Better, even. Then *this* comes back. Well.

What did I come to? The reality is I have no idea what is actually wrong with me. Is it truly Lyme? I don't know. Since there are no tests that are 100% accurate, there is actually no way of knowing. Yes, clinically I look like a Lyme pt. but...SO many autoimmune diseases overlap. Granted, we have ruled out everything else, I have the markers, coinfections, etc but....what if it IS just that my immune system is simply f*cked? What if, instead of treating Lyme, I should be treating my immune system? What if the herbs I am using to treat a disease we *believe* I have is doing more harm than good?

And sadly, my Dr. will not be able to help with any of this.

But guess what? We have a VERY good family friend who is a Naturopath/Herbalist. Um, WHY have I not called and made an appt with her? Duh. The reality is I am beyond the point of being able to make rational or wise decisions regarding my own treatment because I am a)in over my head and b) the whole thing is so convoluted. So I called her and I have an appt a week from friday :) It will not be a cheap adventure, but by far just might be the best money I have/will spend thus far. Hubby said I probably could have paid for her several times over with what I have paid in supplements/herbs/etc...and he is sadly correct.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders just by making the appt. I cannot believe I did not call her sooner. She said I called her when I needed to...yeah, right before I jumped off a cliff, lol! I am very confident that I will walk away from that appt. with a much better picture of what is going on and where I need to go from here. I am so grateful for that.

I was praying for help, some sort of guidance or a sign...and she came into my head. :) Prayer works.

Its like running through the forest. At night. Without a headlamp.

2011-02-14T16:52:00.000-05:00

And me with my night blindness and all....

It was a rough weekend.
Had an ok run Saturday followed by an not-so-ok run Sunday that basically sent me into a crash...add to it I am feeling VERY emotional...it was far from pretty. I was a blubbering mess. I am still feeling the effects of the run-that-should-not-have-been Sunday morning with an increase in symptoms today. Today, I was planning to take my kids skiing, to do Valentine-y things with them, maybe a little work on the chicken coop...'cept I haven't been able to make it much past the couch since I got out of bed.

Damnit all to hell.

During my emo *event* yesterday, Hubby asked what would happen if I stopped taking everything? Maybe I am doing too much? At the time, I simply spit out the 'facts' about how quickly untreated Lyme will shit-spiral. But as I lay in bed last night, I started to think about it. I was supposed to give this new treatment 3mo minimum. I have come about half way at this point, give or take. I did add ONE drop of a new herb a day, and maybe that was all it took to totally push me over the edge...I don't know. I do not feel any better than I did 6 weeks ago. Some things are worse. But, what if I stopped EVERYTHING and started over, one treatment at a time. Yes, it might take longer but would I feel better? All the treatments overlap sort of anyways so...its not like I would be completely treatment free...What would happen?

I cannot go on like this.

I have another journal, a private one, where I go into...well more private things about feelings and all that jazz. It has not seen any unicorns and rainbows in a LONG time. The common theme I see there is how very much I simpy cannot go on like this. I know that the reason I AM still here is because of my kids. If it weren't for them, there would be no way in hell I would live the rest of my life not knowing if this was ever going to end because really...I just don't know. The doctors don't know. Something has GOT to give.

I am not one to give up without a fight but I have BEEN fighting off and on for 5 years. Yes, it has gotten a wee bit more intense over the last 2, or, maybe it hasn't...I honestly can't remember. Maybe it has always been this way and I am just running out of steam. I called my Dr. but unfortunately I can't get in to see him until April...though I am on the cancel list. Really, though...there isn't much he can do. The only way through this is through it. I'm getting pretty tired though...

I have come across some interesting articles that, if I could think more clearly, would be meaningful to me as I *think* they are telling me something I need to hear right now. I just don't have the mental capacity to wrap my brain around it right. Here is one of the articles, if anyone wants to take a gander... http://www.life-enthusiast.com/index/Education/Antibiotics It is very science-y which is where my brain is stumbling...I know I understand what is being written, but the processing piece...sigh.

Well, I don't have much else to say...my smoothie was good...gots to find the positives!

Info for me to remember...

2011-02-12T09:58:00.000-05:00

LDN
For those of you in the first 3 to 6 months of LDN therapy, you may experience temporarilly extra stiffness, headache, numbness, vertigo, sleeplessness, diuretic effect, loss of appetite, extra fatigue, etc. All of the FDA approved MS drugs are immune suppressants except for Copaxone and Fampridine(4-AP).

Dr. Bob Lawrence from the UK who has MS & uses LDN himself explains why the temporary increase in symptoms. Dr Lawrence writes this for MS patients but this can happen with other autoimmune diseases also, not just MS.

When starting this LDN(Low Dose Naltrexone) therapy in the treatment of autoimmune illness, there may also be some initial transient, though temporary, increase in symptoms.

Experience in using this method has demonstrated most commonly, such as disturbed sleep, occasionally with vivid, bizarre and disturbing dreams, tiredness, fatigue, spasm and pain.

Rarely, other transient symptoms have included more severe pain and spasm, headache, diarrhea or vomiting. These additional symptoms would appear to be associated with the previous frequent use of strong analgesics, which effectively create an addiction and dependency, thus increasing the body's sensitivity to pain.

In addition, because LDN stimulates the immune system and many of the drugs routinely used by the NHS in the treatment of MS and autoimmune disease further suppress the immune system, LDN cannot be used in company with steroids, beta interferon, methotrexate, azathioprine or mitozantrone or any other immune suppressant drug. If there is any doubt, please submit a full list of the drugs you are presently taking so that their compatibility may be assessed.

In addition, because LDN will also block the analgesic effects of any opiate drugs (includes codeine, dihydrocodeine, morphine, pethidine or diamorphine) presently being taken, the use of LDN will initially greatly increase the level of pain experienced. It is therefore advisable that any opiate-like drugs be discontinued at least two weeks before this treatment is initiated. When starting the treatment it is essential that any untoward or adverse side-effects are reported immediately so that the treatment process can be further assessed and, if necessary, modified.

This temporary increase in symptoms may also perhaps be explained when we consider the manner in which this drug is expected to work.

Initially, MS occurs due to a reduction in the activity of the controlling influence of the suppressor T-cells within the immune system. During an acute relapse, the overall number of T-cells is reduced, the normal balance of helper T-cells and suppressor T-cells is disrupted and the damaging helper (CD-4) T-cells tend to predominate. This is the situation most pronounced during an acute relapse but occurs similarly, but to a lesser extent, in chronic progressive MS. Under the influence of LDN there will be an expected increase in the overall numbers of T-cells but, because the CD-4, helper T-cells tend to predominate at this time, an increase in their numbers will expectedly tend to increase MS symptoms. It is only when the numbers of suppressor T-cells effectively "catch up" that the normal balance is restored and symptoms once again diminish and improve.

Dr. M R Lawrence

Other reasons of negative responses to LDN by Dr. Jaquelyn McCandless

Re: ldn

As usual, I need to emphasize that seldom is LDN a stand-alone treatment, but accompanies other strategies their body needs, especially a healthy diet. No sugar, dairy or gluten.

It takes some people longer to respond to LDN, and they may be colonized with pathogenic yeast and bacteria that could be slowing response.

There is a phenomenon that happens to some people that as the immune system is shifting (usually from T2 to T1) right after starting LDN, the immune system drops and people get an infection, cold, flu, cold sore, etc. which is usually short lived. Candida tends to overgrow or a virus will flare up. These infections are usually short-lived unless something like candida and gut bacteria needs treatment.

Are you a big bread/carbohydrate/sugar eater?

Ever been tested for candida (yeast) or gut bacterial infestation?

Ever been checked for hypothyroidism?

Would you be willing to stop all casein (milk products) and gluten (wheat, rye, barley and oats) for a week and see if you feel better? A study done several years ago showed that 30% of us have some degree of celiac disease (intolerance/allegy to wheat) even though the clinical symptoms may not be obvious enough to alert most people to that. When anyone in that 30% of persons stops eating wheat, they feel a lot better. The LDN may be acting like the opioid antagonist it is and causing a withdrawal reaction from taking away your fix, even if only for a few hours.

Try to hang in for awhile longer, and it will probably get better. These setbacks usually do not last long unless something like a yeast infection is stubborn without specific treatment.

Dr. JM

=====

Q: Dr. JM or anyone- Does LDN cause candida?

A: LDN has been noted to aggravate yeast infections and other latent pathogens, viruses, etc. as the immune system is making early adjustments. It is good to have natural yeast remedies on board when LDN is started (grapefruit seed extract, Candex, lauricidin, hi-potency probiotics, etc) to help offset this possibility. (And of course a good dietary regime that does not encourage gut inflammation which is usually the predecessor to pathogen invasion).

Dr. Jaquelyn McCandless

The following is the response to a question posted to Dr. McCandless about goat milk as a substitute for cow's milk when on LDN:

"There are many, many people who take LDN who are not on a dairy-free diet, and my estimate is that about 15% need to be. Undoubtedly goat milk is healthier and easier to digest than cow's milk, but if one truly is sensitive to casein, goat milk and all animal milks except camel do have casein. Since I specialize in children with autism, who in my practice are all required to be casein/gluten free, in my studies using autistic children I never had negative reactions to LDN. When it started being used outside the autism population, I discovered that about 15% of people using it who were not on a restricted diet had hyperactivity and a negative response to LDN. I suggested they go to a low dose and work up slowly, and if that did not help, then to get off foods with the large peptides (casein, gluten & soy) that can go to the brain and act as gluteo or caseo corticoids. With those people, LDN cuts off their "fix" (these foods are actually addictions to some people) for a long enough time that they experience negative reactions, just as drug addicts do when they are given full-dose naltrexone. Very often removal of those foods made LDN as it is with most people; no adverse reactions. Again, not 100%, which we do not understand, but almost. One exception was a child who had many severe IgE allergies - nothing eventually helped her tolerate LDN and she had to stop. My suggestion to you would be to try it with goat's milk and see if you are one of the ones who cannot tolerate it; if so, then you have to decide whether milk is that important to you. You are free to give this information to anyone who is interested." Dr. JM

Dr JM responded on the LDN-Autism yahoo forum recently regarding anxiety as a side-effect of LDN. She said that about 30% of the population has celiac disease to some degree, and that celiac is not an all or nothing thing. Therefore, she postulates that, like with autistic kids, there is something going on in the gut with many of us. This would be an allergic response to gluten (in wheat and, I think, rye barley, oats) and possibly casein (milk protein) in the gut and an incomplete digestion of these proteins. The result is a release of semi-digested food polypeptides

into the blood and brain, where they don't belong, and which act as opiates--they stimulate the autistic kids to act out or to space out! The autistic kids, and the rest of us who have some degree of allergy to gluten and/or casein, are "high" on these incompletely digested molecules. When LDN comes along in the blood stream and blocks the opiate effect, we get anxious.

So Dr JM absolutely recommends addressing diet first with autistic kids, but also with others who have problems acclimating to LDN.

Slow down, cowboy...

2011-02-11T09:42:00.000-05:00

Yeah....I need to 'take it down a notch' as I am so fond of telling my kids :)

These days of running are catching up with me. I am t.i.r.e.d. Damnit. Ok, perhaps jumping back in to 5 milers was not the best choice, and perhaps I can scale it back a bit so I can still run, just not as far. Yet.

Patience....My new mantra. Perhaps I should tattoo it to my forhead as I am apparently not 'feein' it.
It doesn't help that my gang of running peeps are all whoopin' it up this weekend at the CC50 Fat Ass then heading up to VT to do the Snowshoe marathon/craziness/et al...I did seriously think for 5 minutes that I could squeak out a marathon....then I thought better of it. Really? Apparenty the elevator isn't quite making it to the top.

Patience. Patience. Patience.

I need to give things time to work, I need to heal and support my body that has been messed up by this bacteria, and I need to realize that it will take time. I did not get this way overnight, this disease progressed over YEARS...I will not 'get well' overnight either. Sigh. I need to 'Let go, let God' really....I cannot control this AT ALL and I am (kicking and screaming) recognizing that I simpy have to turn this over to a Higher Power and go from there...

Its funny...I am a Spiritual person. I would not say religious as I do not belong to any church but I do believe in something greater than me, and I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. I also still hold some (Catholic brainwashing, ahem)thoughts on what you can pray for. I have aways felt strongly about praying for something which *you* can do for yourself. Meaning, don't ask for something you are too lazy to deal with/procure/do, lol. I happily pray for others, even if they don't ask :) But when it comes to myself...I have never 'asked' for healing, a cure, guidance....which doesn't mean I don't get it but I feel funny *asking* for it.

Maybe its time to do that....humbly, of course...because it is very clear I cannot do this on my own.

Here is a link to the latest disservice in the Lyme Community...
http://technorati.com/women/article/lyme-disease-a-modern-tuskegee-experiment/
To say I am pissed would be an understatement. All I can say is I hope these people never get Lyme, or have to watch a family memeber suffer with Lyme...something tells me they would have a VERY different feeling about it...

So, onward...one foot in front of the other. New green smoothies to make(I am thinking Pina Colada today :) to remind me that warm weather WILL come, lol) maybe some miso-spinach soup too. Hopefully a run or 2 this weekend in the snow. Thinking of all my TUGgers at the Cape this weekend...know I am with you in spirit, sending you warm/speedy/no-getting-lost vibes :)

The race set before me...

2011-02-10T09:22:00.000-05:00

This is my routine every day. Not shown is the fistful of pills I take first thing as I already took them and I take about 6 pills at bedtime which are up in the bathroom so I don't forgt them. I portion everything out in the morning into little dishes so I don't have to remember if I took something or not. I make my own kefir now, but that brand was pretty good :). This is what I do every.single.day. I am not sure if its working yet, but it isn't making things worse, and I do know the detox herbs are doing their thing so...I will continue to give it some time and hope for the best. Going back on abx will absolutely be a last resort for me.

Good things first :)
I had a wonderful run last night! I am still slow as molasses, which is to say slower than I was before, lol. But, I am ok with that right now. I am trying to resist the urge to go crazy and up my miles, try and run every day...I am REALLY trying to listen to my body. This is hard, as I am used to ignoring it, lol. I wanted to get up this morning and run again, but I did not sleep much/well last night and I figured that would be a bad idea. Even though I am starting to be able to run again, my energy isn't even close to being back to normal. That being said, I find it humerous that the second I start running I start planning for a race...I has the audacity to contemplate a 100miler last night. Um....yeah. :) What I need to focus on is getting healthy, and running period. I am secretly hoping to get in a 50 or 3 this year, but if all I can legitimately swing is a few 50k's I will be happy. I need to be smart about this and smart and running don't usually mesh in my world, hence my love of Ultras :)

I am also really going with the raw...it is all I actually crave, sans kefir, and honestly liquid nutrition actually works best for me when I am feeling this way. Smoothies and soups. I made a fantastic smoothie the other night- green apples, ginger, swiss chard and pineapples...FABULOUS!!! I forget how much I LOVE ginger in my smoothies! I am also finding that with the Salt/C protocol 3x a day, that kills my appetite. So, smoothies it is. Oh, and my raw cacao nuggets. Cacao, sunnut butter, sesame seeds, raisins, dates....I have been eating these lately too...must need something in them. I am almost out so more will have to be made! I might have to pull out ye olde dehydrator...I was going to include grains, but I am not feelin' them right now so I will wait on those. I have a bunch stashed- quinoa, amaranth and millet...all gluten free and ready for me when I get a hankerin' for them.

Not so good things :(
I am finding that I have a hard time maneuvering when I get up in the middle of the night and early morning. It passes, but it concerns me. I also woke up yesterday with my left arm and part of my torso competly numb. I thought I had an itch, went to scratch it and couldn't feel anything. Not like my arm was asleep, I had NO feeling. It was scarey. It did pass eventually but...I am used to my hands going numb, I have had that for a while. This was something new and I didn't like it. My hands have been giving me alot of trouble. If you could see how I am typing...I have to type with my fingers totally straight as they don't bend. By midday, its better, then gets worse at night again. Cold makes it worse. I am still pretty foggy too, not as bad as I have been but I forget things SO easily. I have gone back to making lists as it is the only way for me to keep track of what I need to do.

Headaches are milder most of the time,but I still have some head-in-a-vise doozies. Its funny(not ha-ha) that I cannot honestly remember what it feels like to not have a headache or have some pain somewhere. Its just a part of life for me. I am taking this as training for future ultras...I am 'pain training' instead of heat training! Ha!!! (how wrong is it that this is funny to me?)

I decided to post-pone my Synvisc until March. I just have a funny feeling about doing it right now when my system is still adjusting to the LDN. It doesn't take much to send Lyme peeps into a flare; dental work, illness, stress, tattoo work...all of those things have caused me to have a flare(hence the compete lack of effort in finishing my other arm piece...I don't want it to trigger something) and here I am going to have some unnatural gel injected into my knees, which have been affected by the Lyme...er, I think I should wait until I have had a full month of my new protocol and a month of being at the higher dose of LDN.

I am REALLY trying to focus on being positive, as I have noticed myself slipping into feeling quite depressed about all of this lately. Can't have that. I have kids and a Hubby I need to be there for, shit to do, projects to compete and races to run :) Plus, I *KNOW* this is all part of the ~master plan~ and I will be able to help other people on their journey to health someday very soon. I just have to stay the course...

InJoy...

Keeping track...

2011-02-08T11:36:00.000-05:00

I am trying to keep track of what is going on as I am going to go in and see my Dr. Made-of-Win soon. Though I appreciate the fact he does so much over the phone, I think I need to see him in person so we can get on the same page. He has thousands of patients, none of which are Lyme pts and I am feeling the need to be on the same page. When I look over my other 'symptom' journal, and after an e-conversation with a friend I have some symptoms that are sticking around and some that are somewhat alarming, particuarly during my last herx. I just got a newsetter on the latest Lyme 'stuff' and I would like to run through that with him as well. I am still wanting to stick with the herbs for now, but I also need him to know what else is going on in case there comes a day I need something else. Particuarly with neuro symptoms. I got 'lost' twice yesterday, and in a panic had to ask my 9yo where we were and if he could get us to where we were going. I was able to orient mysef, but this happens more often than I am comfortable with.

Also, despite the fact I am feeling better, I still have symptoms that I would have thought would have retreated after the herx like they usually do...but haven't. Could be due to the new treatment, not sure. I am really on the fence about what to do with all the neuro stuff as I knw that does not get easier to treat...I don't want to get worse. My 'confusion', loss of words, temperment, mood swings, Lyme rage, headahces, light/noise sensitivity, etc are really all things I(and surely my family) could do without. The fatigue is better, hence the running, and I have my appetite most days now, which is probably from running also, but I do still have the joint pain(hands, feet, knees) and insomnia. Sigh.

Dr. MoW did up the LDN and said to call thurs to tell him how I feel. Again, not seeing him is an issue as this drug does not work that fast! It could take MONTHS to notice a huge difference, though I should notice something in a few weeks. I will say that perhaps my decrease in fatigue is due to the LDN, and certiany my getting sick was due to it(thank you activated T1 and T2 cells) but beyond that I can't say there is REAL improvement, nor will there be by Thurs. The only thing I am really watching for is thyroid symptoms, as that is the ONLY thing we will see this early. Maybe I need to assign him some more homework, lol.

Srsly, though...I have thought about asking him if I could do a showing of Under Our Skin at his office for medical types...I definitely want to do some showings around here as NObody has done any and this is an incredibly woodsy area with a lot of hikers based on the packed parking at all the trail heads every weekend. Either way, I think, if he is willing, I need to get him more up to speed. I want to keep him and he said he wants to learn...I hope he meant it.

As much as I love him, I have looked for another Dr. I don't want to Dr. hop, but I am really tired of having to do all the research. I want someone else to be responsible for my care...once in a while, as I am too much of a control freak to totally give it up :) Unfortunately there are NO Lyme Dr's in MA who are either taking new pts that accept insurance and I simply cannot pay out of pocket. I found one Dr. who I might be able to see though I am very leary as she works at the same place as the HORRIBLE Dr I saw who told me I needed to get more sleep and exercise and wouldn't look at my labs. Sigh. I will have to check on the MA Lyme site and see if anyone goes to her. I don't want to waste my time.

I decided to sleep in this morning due to snow :) but I am hoping to get out for a run tonite. Even a short one would be lovely. Course, at the rate the snow is coming down, it might be a snowshoe hike instead, lol...

InJoy...

Healing.

2011-02-07T08:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I didn't want to jump the gun and say anything too soon but...I have been able to start runnung again!!! I have done 4 runs of 5+ miles now and it felt pretty great. I am slower, and definitely feel the fact I have not run in weeks but its a good sore :) I am so thrilled to be 'back at it' I can't even tell you. At the end of my first run I could have cried I was so excited. I am not going to worry too much about mileage or anything else at this point. I am simpy going to go out and run when I can (weather-wise) as I do not want to get into any trouble. ;)

In the mean time, I think now that I can exercise, I will start back up with my PT and strength training routine. I am also hoping to get back out and ski with the kiddos again VERY soon. I will wait until this next storm passes though as me and ice and skiis are not friends. It will be so nice to get back out there...

Running really saved me this weekend too...I was very crabby because in doing some research for a project I am hoping to do, I came across some new research out there that says you cannot ever *cure* yourself of chronic Lyme. You can put it into remission, keep symptoms in check, but once it imbeds itself into your joints/muscles/brain you are essentially screwed. I did not want to read this. People who are healthy with Lyme have to be SUPER dilligent with their health. I am, for the most part, but I was really hoping that I could get to a point where I didn't have to be so over-the-top about everything. Looks like that is not the case. At least, not in the forseeable future. But, with more research, and more studies being done...who knows. I ma not going to give up hope that someday I will be free of this.

In the mean time, I am shifting my focus to doing what it takes to support my immune system and my body to heal as much as possible so I can get my life back...or just have a life, lol. I am very much committed to doing predominantly raw, and definitely vegan and though there are certianly moral reasons in there my health reasons trump all of that right now. I definitely feel the best when I am raw/vegan. The only deviation from that will be kefir, which I am currently doing. My gut is so beyond destroyed from the abx that I have to do some MAJOR rebuilding there. I can't make kefir in any other milk besides dairy as I am allergic/sensitive to nuts, rice, soy and coconut which rues out my other milk options, though I may trial a small batch of coconut milk to see how I react. I am actually sensitive to dairy as well, but seem to be ok though I am considering using goat's milk(raw) but for now its org. cow milk. I am not allergic to goat's milk, but it is seriously expensive...though I may have a local source... I am still using the kefir water as well. The more probiotics the merrier!

Running and stalking the RR100 this past weekend has me thinking about racing again but I am honestly not planning or signing up for anything in the near future. No current goals on the horizon beyond simply getting better and stronger...well, except pacing a friend for his first hundred this summer...I definitely want to be rarin' to go for that!!! Of course there are things I *want* to do but for now I have to simpy wait and see how things unfold.

My knees are still crappy, and due to the fact that apparently we must have a snowstorm every Wed/Thurs I have had to cancel the last 2 appts and its not looking good for this week either. Sigh. Perhaps there is a reason for that...I may simpy reschedule the whole thing for March and hope we are out of this rediculous weather pattern by then. That pushes my recovery later into the spring but since I technically have nothing planned, its ok.

I just wanted to take the time to say thanks to all of the people who have been so supportive (y'all know who you are!) Strangers who have stopped by and commented with prayers and support, it means alot to me. My family, who have really had to put up with alot and have done so, especially my Hubby who has had to pick up the slack when I am junk on the couch...I am so blessed to have him in my life! All the prayers mean so much and people checking in, emailing, etc...Thank you. :) I hope I can be as good a friend to you all.

InJoy...

3 weeks.

2011-02-01T15:40:00.001-05:00

By the time I get a reasonable chance to run outside again(as I do not own a treadmil nor do I *do* the gym)I will have hit 3 weeks with NO running whatsoever.

It has been hard. And emotional. And hard. Did I mention hard?

I have stayed away from most running forums and sites I frequent because, well, I get sad. I miss running.

The last time I spent away from running was basically the last time I was really sick, which was about 2 years ago. At least this past fall, I was able to run here and there which gave me something to hang on to. The last 3 weeks has been tough on so many levels...I *hate* to be sick. In ANY form. I am a big wimp and I would absolutely take a 'magic pill' if one was offered. It was emotionally and mentally draining as I had alot of neuro stuff going on. And now, I am ACTUALLY sick (but I will get to that)...it has been extremely hard on my family to go through this with me. I use what energy I have to do the kids schooling and keep the household stuff(mostly) up to snuff. Then, I am spent. I have to rest alot. I can't go out and play in the snow, ski, snowshoe, or anything much that requires extra energy because there just isn't any...and it is SO hard for the kids. They are amazing and they are so patient and trying so hard (Lilly will tell me she prays for me every night) but they are missing out on the mom they SHOULD have.

I have read so many stories of other people with Lyme and their struggles to get through every day life and it breaks my heart. It really is one of those situations you can't understand unless you have been there. It is an excrutiatingly frustrating disease and one I would not wish on my worst enemy. It does, however, give me some inspiration and ideas/directions for some things I will be doing once I am well...there is a need for services that are not being offered...and I have a plan...stay tuned...:)

This latest relapse/herx has been a HUGE lesson in patience and letting go...letting go of 'friends' who aren't really friends, letting go of control over things I simply can't, letting go of my need for perfection, black and white, and expectations. Its all good, it always is...simply makes room for new friends, new experiences, new ways of being. I am learning to be ok with all of that as I really don't have a choice. The choice has been taken from me as apparently I haven't been making good ones? ;)

I am working on my diet, trying to be more focused on avoiding allergens/gluten/etc...I haven't been as good about it as I should be, but I am shifting that attitude to a more positive place and focusing on the things I CAN eat that will help me to become stronger and healthier. I have not been drinking enough and thus becoming dehydrated easily which I am sure is not helping things and is a major no-no with the Salt/C protocol. I have made myself some notes so I don't forget to drink/eat as I simply do just forget...brain fog being what it is :) Doing lots of detoxing, GENTLE detoxing, with chorella and salt baths and I am going to use some other tricks recommended to me to sop up this toxic mess quicker.

As much as I have reduced my treatment down to what I feel is more 'manageable' I am still swallowing 10-15 pills 3 times a day...sometimes more(not counting liquid herbs)...but I keep telling myself that I need to stick with this because it WILL work. It just takes a while, and I have never really given any treatment enough time...I have always been so quick to just jump on to the next treatment promised to work that I don't think I gave anything more than a few weeks. Some of these protocols take MONTHS to ramp up to the right dose without herxing too badly and then more months to irradicate ALL the bacteria. I am planning on sticking with my current protocol for 6mo and then re-evaluating(plus I will be due for more bloodwork so it will be a good time to see how things look).

The LDN. Well, I do believe we are on to something here...I feel very hopeful. I started coming out of my herx last week, felt good for a day and woke up the next day feeling like death. Swollen glands, sore throat, aches, feverish, runny nose...but it was SICK not herx! (There is a very distinct difference, I can actually feel it) I have not been truly sick in years. Most Lyme peeps will tell you they NEVER get an actual sickness, ie cold or flu. Our immune systems are either so overburdened or overworked that they simply cannot respond. In theory this sounds good...but it isn't. You have an immune system for a reason! So the fact I am having this little *healing crisis* as Hubby has named it is a good thing. It means the LDN has gotten mysystem to wake up and regulate. This is great as the *theory* behind using LDN with Lyme patients is that as you continue to use whatever your method of choice is to kill the bacteria and fight the infection, your body becomes stronger, you detox, and then the Lyme/CI bacteria level gets down to something your body can keep in check which translates into cure or long term remission(there is arguement as to whether once you have chronic Lyme you can ever be *cured*as the bacteria has changed form and has gone so deeply into your muscles/brain/organs that it can't ever be completely irradicated)so I feel like this is something that may really work for me, in addition to my Lyme-busting protocol. Fingers(and toes) crossed!

In the mean time, I am just trying to take one day at a time, not think too far into the future and appreciate what I have and how lucky I am as I know how much worse it can be. I am lucky and blessed in so many ways, and I truly believe we go through the experiences we do in our lives for a reason. Though it may not always be clear, there is a purpose. Not sure exaclty what the purpose of this is in my life yet but...it is starting to filter in. Time will tell if I am on the right track or not. Time...I have a lot of it these days... :)

Week 2 ...nothing to show here...

2011-01-26T11:36:00.000-05:00

Yep. Week 2 of feeling-like-crap-and-no-running.

I'm pretty much over it.

My symptoms continue, minus the nausea/barfing, thank gawds. I am still stuck with the pain everywhere, headaches, brain-numbing fatigue and my fun neuro symptoms, aka 'brain fog' aka ask my 9yo as I can't answer that question. Multitasking is out, as I can barely manage to do one thing at a time, and if you interrupt me, I am completely derailed. Losing words in a daily thing, and my noise sensitivity is at an all time high. Best guess is I am still in herx mode, which is good and it sucks. I had some pretty rough days this week and really questioned if this was all worth it. The nature of this disease is relapsing/remitting and sometimes for YEARS even after you begin treatment. I spend time on various Lyme forums reading what people are going through and I know I am not alone, I am grateful that I can get out of bed in the morning, that I am not in a wheelchair, can still see, etc. It hasn't affected my heart, that we can tell, and I have chosen to avoid most of the more toxic drugs...don't know if that is the right choice or not, but I have to think about the future and what damage some of these drugs can do. I have resisted calling my Dr. because really, what can he do? There is nothing he can give me to make me feel better, I simply have to ride this out. I will probably have an appt. with him next week as I had my bloodwork done yesterday, and I can bring him my list of herbs and such (I have another 'file' of info for him that I will email him after I see him. I don't want to abuse his email, lol) and see what he thinks. Herbs aren't his thing, as he is a medical guy for sure, but I know he is very interested in what I am doing(plus I just sent a few new patients his way...) He will also decide whether or not to up the LDN. I can't say for sure if it is doing much yet, as I feel like crap still BUT I have slept better this week than I have in years. That alone is fantastic. As tired as I am I try not to sleep during the day, as I don't want to be up at night though I am thinking at this point it wouldn't be an issue.

I am only doing the Cat's Claw and Andrographis right now, half the dose I was on as I do not want to be herxing my brains out, thanks. I also started the Salt/C protocol which, though I completely poo-poo'd it before, I have read some very interesting scientific articles on the exact reaction the ascorbic acid and sodium chloride have in your body and how they can attack bacteria in ALL its forms. It is fascinating, and I figured at this point, I have nothing to lose. If it works well enough that I can stay off antibiotics, I am game as if this does not turn around, that is my next step.

The thing with abx is that it will only kill the active bacteria. Yes, you will feel better, but unless you go on the even more toxic and often IV abx, you will not get the cyst forms of the bacteria. Long term Lyme sufferers have both forms, often in their brains, which is why it is so hard to treat. The Salt/C studies show how the combo can *eat* through the cell wall in order to get at the bacteria. I believe it, as if what it is doing to my sink is any indication of what it does to your insides...We have a copper sink and when I rinsed out my cup after drinking my salt/c I did not rinse the sink. I came back about an hour later to a GREEN sink where I had poured out the cup. Think of a penny, or the Statue of Liberty...that was my sink. Totally oxidized in an hour.

You have to build up to the maximum doseage very slowly(uh, yep...I believe it)as it can cause MASSIVE die off resulting in tremendous amounts of die-off toxins being dumped into your system causing massive herxing that has landed people in the ER from being so sick. I would like to skip that part, thanks. I did order the book from the Dr. who set up this protocol as there is a very specific 'build-up' phase. I have a tendancy to do too much, so I figured I better get a bit of guidance here. Lots of success with this formula, and people are getting significantly better to completely better inside a year. Sounds like a long time, but for most of us Lyme sufferers, it really isn't compared to how long we have been sick. :( There are other things that go along with it, certian herbs(using them) detoxing(doing it) and at least 75% vegan/raw diet(yep) . Hoping for the best here...

I have no appetite to speak of, everything sounds unappealing, but I am trying to keep up with the smoothies at least. I shoot for at least 2 a day. Not ideal, but at least its something. That, and trying to stay super hydrated are my main goals.

Running has been non-existant. Sigh, that has been one of the harder things, though not as hard as I would have thought as I simly do not have the energy to even get depressed about it. I can't think about the spring, races, etc as I am pretty much living day to day right now. My main focus has been to get through this bad patch. Timing is good, I guess, as I am supposed to get my first knee(s) injection next week and needed to scale back my training. Hmmm, how's oh...nothing sound? Eh, well at least the gel with have a good head start without me pounding on my knees...I was supposed to go tomorrow but seeing as we are going to get hit with another foot of snow, Hubby suggested I reschedule as he knows how much I love driving in the snow and with my health being what it is, he knew no good would come of a treck into the city. He is a smart guy :)

Well, that is the updat for now...no sunshine and unicorns this week. Maybe next week.

What a week.

2011-01-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

Tuesday found me relieved to be getting some seep but in what was the beginnings of an awful herx reaction. I had a pretty bad couple of days, some of the worst I have had in a while. Between the nausea and vomitting, pain and sweeling in my joins, headaches, and mind-numbing fatigue... it was pretty messy. Today seems to be a little better so I am hoping I am turning the corner. Needless to say there has been no running goin' on 'round here. I am hoping to be back at it by Monday, but at this point...I am not going to rush anything.

Lyme Disease is something else, I'll tell ya. I am continually rendered speechless over what people go through, how they suffer, how much money they spend to get well...people will do ANYTHING to get better and I totally get it. I belong to enough forums to know what lengths people will go to, including traveling outside the country to get help. I have always said I would only do what we can afford, and/or what a Dr. will prescribe. I knew I needed to at least give the abx a shot, as much as I am against them and knowing the damage I was going to potentially do to my body on such a high dose, but there is that whole 'benefits outweigh the risks' piece...well, the constant photosensitivity along with the gut issues made me think I was right on the edge of benefits no longer outweighing the risks. Even this latest drug I am on...yes, there are no *known* side effects but there are mixed reviews as to whether or not it works with chronic Lyme. It seems that in certian cases it will, perhaps those with limitted coinfections who predominantly have disregulated immune systems (hello there, that would be me) but there are plenty of Lyme peeps who have had no change from it. I am hoping that since I have already experienced some of the effects of the drug, that is a good sign. It just happened that I had one of the more serious herxes I have had during the first week on it. Coincidence? Eh, perhaps...though LDN is not a type of herx-inducing drug or herb. Not like the stuff I am on...

Holy herbs, batman. The trouble with not seeing a LLMD or LLNP is I am basically on my own here, with the exception of my Immunologist, who is not LL and not an herbalist. He is simply along for the ride, prescribing the drugs and running the labs. So, like many Lyme patients, I am on my own. I have to do the hours of reading and research to see what works in people with similar symptoms, and develop a treatment plan. I follow some of the top Dr's in the Lyme community and tend to rely on their research and treatment protocols as best I can. So, I am now using the most 'popular' herbal protocol, hoping to stay off antibiotics if I can help it.

My current regimine, which I have had to reduce due to the severe herx, is as follows:
Cat's Claw 5 drops BID
Andrographis 5 drops BID
Olive Leaf QD
Artemesium 5 drops QD
I cut my dosage back in half as clearly it was too high, and I increased too fast. Cat's Claw is notorious for absolutely SLAMMING people into a herx....I have to agreee with that assessment. I have also added lots of good oils(flax, evening primrose, ALA) still on CoQ10, Spirulina, and am now doing the Salt/C protocol. Interestingly, I have been CRAVING salt like a crazy person and drinking OJ and craving grapefruits. Hmmm, some sort of *sign* perhaps? The 'salt' is not table salt, you use large amounts of sea/himalayan salt or salt tabs you can get at the pharmacy, and large doses of Vit. C (powdered is best). I am using about 1/4 the prescribed dosing as I am not looking to get into another herxing situation before I can build up again. Still taking lots of enzymes, using probiotics AND kefir water, trying to eat well(when I can eat) or at least stick with the green smoothies.

Still no signs of any problem with my thyroid, which is a good thing. My Dr's office called today to see how I was doing, and I gave somewhat of a cryptic message...though I know Dr. will get it ;) I need to go in Monday to have my blood checked, and I am going to have him check a few other things while I am there...just to be sure. Thankfully, my liver has been fine through all of this, and hopefully my kidney function will come back fine again as well.

It has been tough not being able to run, ski, or any other wintery fun this week...I have been SO looking forward to the snow, only to be too tired/pained to go out and enjoy it. I am hopefully optimistic though, that I am indeed turning a corner and next week will find me getting back to life. This has certianly been a lesson in 'letting go' as there is no forcing things in this disease...and I am learning that the hard way. Things are not going to happen on my time-table, much to my dismay, no matter how much I kick and scream about it (trust me, I tried that...didn't work so well...) I have to pick and choose what I can do, and what I have to let go for another day. Its tough...its hard for the kids...I just keep praying that I am getting closer to the end...when I can finally say, "Man...I'm glad THAT'S over!"

Breathe in...then out. Take one step. Then another. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Sleeeeeeeppppppp......

2011-01-18T10:12:00.000-05:00

Thank you all that is good and holy, I finally got some sleep last night. Oh yes, oh joy. I hit an all time high of feeling like ass yesterday which rendered me a couch potato and it literally brought tears to my eyes over the thought of getting UP to go make a smoothie...which I ended up doing. It was delicious, btw...strawberry, mango, pineapple, banana, kale :) Mmmmm...

Who said herbs aren't as strong as conventional medicine? I will kick them. Hard. Well, maybe not as my toe knuckles are quite sore and something tells me that would not make them feel better. Fine. Ya get a free ride...this time.

I am happily Herxing from my current herbal regimine that I SMARTLY (subtle abuse of the English Language here)increased slowly, though probably not slowly enough. This tells me that a)the abx did not get all the Lyme, which I didn't think it would after only 4mo and b) don't mess around with herbs. I will not up my doses any further until I get through this. It isn't as bad as the abx Herx, but I definitely have my usual pain/fatigue/headache/nausea/etc symptoms. So, lots of chlorella, green smoothies and baths. :) The weather is a good(sort of) excuse to not run, so I can at least eliminate some of the guilt there...we are in for an icy, snowy mess for the next few days which will somewhat force me to rest, which is what I SHOULD be doing. I was finally able to sleep last night which was wonderful as I was a zombie yesterday. Hopefully that was it on the no-sleep front until I have to up the dose of the LDN again. Now, hopefully it will kick in and start giving my immune system what-for :) I am trying to be very alert to ANY signs of my thyroid going hyPER, so I can immediately reduce my dose of Armour. My Dr wants blood drawn this week, but I don't think the thyroid antibodies clear THAT fast, so I will feel the effects before he can measure them. Since my thyroid is his biggest concern right now, I am trying to work with him on that. Poor guy, he is so awesome ad probably wonders WTF he got himself into with me, lol ;)

As far as running goes...
I am trying VERY hard to convince myself to simply train for/run 50k's this year. My brain has other ideas, but really...based on my current inconsistancies, and not truly knowing what direction my health/body will go, it might be for the best. (Um, might? Get real, girlfriend...) Most of the races I want to do have a 50k option. I am not trying to qualify for anything, prove anything, I just want to get out and run. I think that in lieu of the fact that a)my knees are CLEARLY crying *Uncle* and b)trying a new drug along with still being in the middle of an intense healing 'project' with the Lyme...I need to very much quit being so stubborn and take the time to heal. Yes, I know I have said this before but I am a stubborn one and need repetition...apparently.

I will not worry about miles per week, days per week run, or any of that. I am going to focus on getting well, doing some sort of PT and strength training as to not have any of the muscle wasting so many Lymer's end up with, and go from there. I started on this path of Ultras because I was told I *couldn't*...well, I have proven that I can, so maybe its time to simply step back and refocus a bit. I know I will be back, there is no deadline...simply get better, then get back to it. :)

I know the Ultra Peeps will understand...well, most of ya :)

2011-01-15T19:09:00.000-05:00

I am in a fight with my brain. Right now, we aren't speaking. See, there is this little *issue* of Brain wanting to go out and run miles and miles every day, nice long wonderful runs on the weekends...doesn't that sound lovely? I am ALL for it except....

The Body ain't cooperatin'.

Take today, for example. Granted, it was a wee bit on the chilly side, but sunny and gorgeously winteresque outside and I decided that meant it would be a perfect day for one of my favorite runs. An almost 14 miler over rolling country roads, past farms, through woods, by the windmills...lovely. Grabbed 2 bottles of water, my ipod, donned weather appropriate clothing(uh, so I thought) and off I went.

Took a few miles(5) to get warmed up, and all was going well. Still a bit chilly, but whatever, right?

Yeah. FAIL.

Oh, and the FAILs were a-plenty.

Let's review them, shall we?
-Haven't been running in a few days. No biggie, except the REASON for not running was because I was having a Lyme die-off(autoimmune *issue*) rendering me fatigued, not eating well, and generally not the best.
-I brought water. Only. No food, no salt tabs. Now, for a 14 mile run this is not a huge deal except for the fact that a) I am slow and therefor am out for a long time. Like, over 2 hours, and closer to 2.5. b)I sweat like a stuck pig on a Texas highway. Yes, even when it is only 7 degrees out. No, I was not overdressed...trust me.
-It was cold. I sweat alot. Despite wool socks, by mile 8 my shoes were full of slush that *I* created, turning my feet into clumps of useless frozen nubs.
-My knees. We are not on speaking terms either. There is a reason I am having a PROCEDURE on them next week. Buuuuut, before then lets see JUST how much we can damage them! Woot! Ouch.

Sufice it to say, though the first 8-9 miles were simply LOVELY, the last 5 were not. My legs were cramping from lack of salt, I was hungry, and I was running on frozen nubs that reduced me to the slog-of-shame up the last 2 hills to my house. 2 hours, close to 2l of recovery drink and lots of blankets later, it looked like there were aliens living in my calves they were twitching so badly (ammusing to my children, me...not so much) And I sit here...planning tomorrow's run. Can't decide if I should do the 8m route or the 11m option...because you know, it is going to be MUCH warmer tomorrow. They are predicting at LEAST 20 degrees! Besides, 8 or 11 miles is less than 14 so its ok, right? RIGHT?!?!

Dumbass. :)

Day One.

2011-01-15T09:50:00.000-05:00

So, last night was my first dose of my 'miracle drug'. I did not expect to be affected by such a low dose, but indeed it did. It kept me up sans a few moments here and there when I dozed off only to wake up moments later. The interesting thing was I felt SO relaxed...normally when I am dealing with insomnia, it is that anxiety induced, mind racing variety. This was not that. I was calm, and relaxed and for now I can deal with that. I even felt pretty calm when I got up, which hasn't happened in a while :) I should know in about a week if this dose is the right one. If not, I can up it a little. We are going to monitor my thyroid too as this should help that little issue as well. In fact, it is SO helpful that it can throw me hypERthyroid pretty darn quick, which would mean less thyroid med...and maybe someday, none at all! Pretty awesome considering I was supposed to be on it for the rest of my life! LDN stops the body from seeing things as 'alien', so it could potentially stop my body from thinking it needs to eat my thyroid. So cool! :)

I have done more research, as my Dr. does not know much about this drug so beyond prescribing it he will not be of much help. I happened to find a wealth of information and even a forum for people taking it for a variety of illnesses which was by far the most informative. Here are the key things I learned:

There are numerous factors that can affect how well/not well LDN will work. If it is not working (and it only does not work legitimately in something like 1% of all people who go on it and follow the protocol) there are reasons. Reasons! Can you imagine? ;) Anyways, Dr's who are *in the know* and working with this drug regularly reccomend the following:
Gluten free and Casien free diet (gf/cf) (gluten is in many grains and casien is in dairy products...things I mostly avoid, but will now completely avoid)
No soy
Identify and eliminate and food allergies.
NO sugar(this will be a hard one)
Eliminate Candida
Keep Vit D3 levels up
LDN is not a 'use alone' drug, but rather should be used in conjunction with another healing protocol. I am sticking with the herbal protocol I am on now, and will use the other supplements I know to be 'safe'.
Healthy, organic, raw-as-possible diet. 'They' did not SAY veg/vegan, but advise against anything that isn't grass-fed/free range/hormone and antibiotic free/etc. Fish from a mercury free source is fine.

Candida. This is a big one in this treatment as most people who have gone on this treatment have been on antibiotics for a long time and/or are still on them. Unless you have been doing some sort of anti-yeast protocol all along(I haven't) chances are you have Candida (yep). So, in addition, I will be rotating several products known to help eliminate this. Candida can make the LDN not work if you have a severe enough case! I don't, but I am alos not going to leave anything to chance.

I am going to religiously go GFCF, I already avoid soy, so now I just have to tackle the sugar piece. Well, and the coffee...coffee is not good for any disease, and that is where I use my sugar and milk...sigh. All in good time. :)

I am very excited and hopeful. :)

Today, I am hoping to head out for a run...it is downright frigid out there (last I checked it was 2 degrees. 2.) so I am not sure how far I will go. I would like to go out for a while...but we will see. I want to get a few longish runs in before my knee procedures. Oh, yes...btw...I start my knee procedures a week from thursday. That puts me a bit further out than I would have liked but, eh...its ok. I really have nothing I WANT to do before May. Plenty of time... :)

Sigh...what a week (or so) it has been.

2011-01-14T09:20:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems my body has realized that there are no longer massive amounts of antibiotics coursing through my veins and therefor it can revert to feeling crappy. I was hoping the abx would have bought me some more time but apparently not. Ah, well. This has made running a non-activity this week as I have been plagued by fatigue, headaches, joint pains, cold-all-the-time-no-matter-how-many-layers-and-hats-I-wear, and the latest neuro issue- some sort of depth perception/vertigo thing. Coming down stairs, getting off a stool, etc seems to trigger it...I think I need to take another step down, or that the floor is lower than it actually is, causing the room to tilt a bit...yep, that is about as fun as it sounds. Add to that my less than sunshiny moods and you have a recipe for good times. Not, lol.

I have resisted ramping up my herbs too much, though in light of the recent symptoms I very much want to, but I know enough to know that if I do, and it throws me into a Herx, the symptoms will get even worse. I just have to ride out this storm. BUT, I did get my prescription for the Low Dose Naltrexone (which I had to pick up in person and hand deliver it to the pharmacy...wow, I feel so important!) which will hopefully help with all this craziness. I am starting on the lowest dose possible as to not make my thyroid flip out more than it already does, and will have a blood test in a week to check things. Then, depending on how I feel, I will continue on that dose for a month, then possibly increase as needed or stay if its working. I am SO hopeful and excited about this as I truly believe this is going to help. This is not to say I may never need abx or other 'help' again, BUT I expect it will be much more short term...once we can get my body to actually do its job, I expect many things will fall into place. This makes me a happy gal, as I have shit to do!!! :)

In knee news....my insurance co. approved my Synvisc injections so I am just waiting for them to give me an appt. and I will be on my way with that as well. I also found out that you can get Synvisc in other joints...I am going to see how it works and ask him if he can do my toe-knuckles too :) They are awful as well, and though I have been doing PT forever, I am in no less pain than I was last year. I know its the 'arthritis, but I am sure there is permanent damage now, so this Synvisc would be awesome! We'll see how it goes. At this point, if he can fix my knees I will be a new woman :) I can live with the foot pain.

Hoping to get out in the beauty over the weekend and get a couple good runs in. I miss it, and even if its only a few miles, I am sure it will help my mood. Sigh....all in good time.

2011. The year of WIN!

2011-01-07T09:15:00.000-05:00

According to a double-blind study performed over the last 24 hours(by me) a la the ultra list, an online community made up of thousands of ultra runners across the US, Synvisc injections rock. In addition, all recipiants took a maximum of 48 hours off post injection, and resumed training immediately. One particularly brazen fellow even ran a 50 miler the week after his final injection with no concequences. The general concensus was not more than 10 miles at a shot during treatment and the most improtant thing was to avoid pounding at the begining as that causes the body to absorb the synvisc too quickly. The majority went at least 6mo between injections and as long as 18 months. The most successful case (my opinion) was a runner who had modified their training post treatment to be a run/walk 'recovery' running only when they could ensure their stride was smooth, no running down hill, and mixing walking with running equally. They have continued to follow this program and have done so for the past several years, getting treatment about once a year, and averaging about 40ish miles per week.

*/insert some sort of scientific mumbo-jumbo documentation here

Sounds good to me. Moderation seems to be the key, not pounding or going downhill in a run, both of which hurt, and letting the swelling subside in the first 48hrs. Noone was told not to run, or given a mileage to avoid beyond not going out and doing a 'long run' though there was the rebel who did a 50miler...I will skip it. Seems like I could continue to run, but no long runs as long as I walk downhill, which I could do. Not one person who had it said it didn't work, it was either significant improvement or complete relief. Everyone had the same basic diagnosis as me, with the avoidance of knee surgery being the common goal. So far every person who resonded that is doing this treatment still is, no one has had surgery. Some have only had one treatment but will go back for more, others have been doing it for years.

Sweet :)

In other news....
I am 5 days off of the doxy and I have to say my 'sunburn' issues have disappeared, I no longer feel like I have shards of glass in my gut and overall, I feel ok. I started my herbs, and aside from a day of feeling not-so-good, which could have been a very mild herx, I am adjusting ok. I had started taking them while still on the abx, and started at a very low dose. I have been slowly and carefully increasing, instead of hitting the herbs full throttle (what's this? moderation? say it isn't so!) to avoid a major herx because MAN that is far from pleasant.

I decided also to only do 4 out of the 5 herbs recommended so I still have one left to go to if I need it. So, I am taking Cat's Claw, Andrographis, Artemesium, and Olive Leaf. No other supplements beyond what I would normally take for general health/running/etc. I am trying to do a less is more approach this time around, plus I expect my body will have enough to deal with after starting the LDN...

And speaking of which...I got an email from Dr. MoW last night. For real. This guy simply ROCKS! I sent him an email with a website I came across with THE most comprehensive info about LDN I had ever seen, full of PubMed studies, info from the Dr. who discovered LDN, etc...not expecting an email back, I was simply sending it FYI as I knew he was headed to Boston and while there would be doing some research etc. So he emails me back saying he definitely wants to put me on it, starting this week(well, this week coming up) HOLY YAY! I am so excited about this as everything I have read points to this as being THE way to fix your immune system. This will not cure Lyme, or any other autoimmune disease, BUT it will get your immune system to work properly so that is can fight this stuff off and regulate itself! (in a nutshell) YEHAW! There has been huge successes not only with Lyme Disease, but with Hashimoto's(which I also have) MS, Chrone's disease, firbomyalgia, CFS, etc. Supposedly you will feel a difference within DAYS, and should feel completele effects by 2-3 weeks. I will be his guinea pig, as he has never used this therapy before but once he sees that it works he could use it on other patients! This could help a lot of people who are suffering and feel like NOTHING is helping. Cool :)

So, awesomeness on the Horizon. 2011 will be a good year...I can feel it :)

2 Posts Today! aka I have to get this down or else I will forget.

2011-01-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

Saw Sports Medicine Doc. Also known as The *Other* Dr. Made of Win. I love this man as much as I love my immunologist...and that's alot.

However, I did not love what he had to say...though I knew it was coming.

Synvisc injections it is. Sadly, other than cortisone injections which would be a BIG no-no (Lyme Disease and steroids are a HELL no, unless you ABSOLUTELY have to have them. Here we have options. Options are nice.) Here is a happy little link to Synvisc et al: http://synviscone.com/about/treatment.aspx
He want an MRI of both knees at some point, but I asked that we wait, if we could as I am covered in tattoos and that makes for an unpleasant MRI experience (if the noise and being trapped in a small tube wasn't enough) I described my current situation and he said this would be the way to go and be the quickest way to fix this, IF it works. Apparently, there is a 50% FAILURE RATE, meanng that when all is said and done, it may not work. Well, how 'bout that for a sparkly outlook! Lucky for him, failure is not an option for me :) since the alternative is that-which-will-not-be-discussed.

So, we talked of the procedure and what it would entail, as I am a questions-and-answers kind of gal in that I ask alot of questions because I *need* answers. I also asked hm to be VERY specific, as if he says 'take it easy' how he intends that and how I take it are two VASTLY different things. I can promise you.

The deal is I will come in once a week for 3 weeks and get an injection in each knee. I can walk out, drive home and be fine. I may be sore, I will need to ice when I get home, and during the 3 treatment weeks I am to cut my mileage in half, running 5 miles or less at a time, no more than 3 times a week(kill me now) But WAIT! There's MORE! Week 4 I am to take COMPLETELY OFF FROM RUNNING, after which I can start to build back up as in weeks 1-3. This, apparently, allows the synvisc to take hold, as it has a cumulative affect and needs time to do its thing. Now, I can take time off when I am sick, and not running more than 3x a week is totally doable when I feel like crap. Been there, done that, got the key chain. But when I feel good, and can't run...well, my children will surely leave home, followed(or led as is the likely case) by my husband. It is never wise to tell a healthy Julie "Don't run".

This sunk in on the way home. He did not say don't ski. OK, well that is good. He said I could strength train. OK, that's good too...its not something I do, but good to know...maybe I will start. But limitted aerobic activity could be an issue...I am going to ask him if maybe I can get a PT referral and go do pool running or eliptical or SOMETHING because otherwise its gonna get ugly. ;)

I could live through 6 weeks of down time, I suppose. I guess what is hard is the fact that I just HAD down time, and now I am trying to rebuild and I HAVE to take more down time. That kind of irks me but...eh. I guess I have no choice but to roll with it. Oh wait...I could just keep the pain and eat motrin like candy and kill my stomach and kidneys! WooHoo!

Really, though...this will be amazing if it is completely successful. He thinks I may need to do it once a year, which I can schedule during my 'down time' or off season(he really is SO funny!) It will certianly prolong my running career, prevent surgery and make me a happy woman. You know what they say, if mama's happy EVERYBODY'S happy. And its the truth. :)

Executive Decision.

2011-01-05T07:48:00.000-05:00

So, I have made a decision.
And I am on day 2 of trying to get this post out so hopefully it will become *live* today since noone is up yet but me... :)

I did some thinking as I decompressed from the Frosty First. I always have some sort of philosophical moment (or 5) after an Ultra and this was no different. :)

One of the things I rambled on about out there in the wee hours of the morning with KZ was what I needed or should do with regards to running and my health. I have spent the last year in varying stages of health and non-health, not finishing races, not recovering well and here I am trying to make my way back again...also dealing with the prospect of knee *procedures* that will require some slowing down and I threw out there that maybe I needed to take a year off. As in, no races. Nothing more than running 'maintenance miles'. He, being the Wise Friend he is, said I didn't need to do that, why not just explore other options...he got me thinking...

Perhaps shooting for 50k's would be more practical. They don't take as much out of you, usually when they are run concurrently with a 50 miler, you will have the same amount of time the 50m gets, and there are some pretty challenging 50k's out there! Plus, I could get by on less training, giving me the option of taking the time I need to rest or cut back without losing too much ground. This way, not only could I keep doing what I love, but I wouldn't lose out on the social aspect of what running Ultras gives me. Hanging with my running peeps is something I would definitely miss.

Or not. Maybe just running would be ok. I mean, no one is holding a gun to my head FORCING me to do anything. I can really run as much or as little as I want, but what came up(and has come up before in our Ultra talks) is how much weight I put on being 'a runner'. There is truly more to me than that, yet I place a tremendous amount of weight on my runner persona, therefor if I am not running and racing somehow I am failing at life...nevermind the 3 fabulous kids I am raising or any other of the numerous things I do, could do, SHOULD do (but none of ya know about that because all I ever talk about is...wait for it...RUNNING!)

Bet you didn't know I was an artist. A gardener. A massage therapist. A holistic Counselor...but what I focus mostly on is me the runner. Perhaps now would be a good time to interject some BALANCE into my life...*headdesk*

In lieu of all this thinking I made a decision. I am going off the abx. I didn't want to be one of *those* patients who takes advantage of an awesome Dr and staff and keep calling them all the time but...I have had enough. My stomach has been successfully shredded, and if I get ONE more sunburn I am going to go postal. The fact that I got burnt AGAIN Sunday after 30 minutes outside at 3:30 in the afternoon in JANUARY is too much. I then get that sick/nausea/BS you get when you get a really bad burn after spending ALL day at the beach...except without the whole all day at the beach part. I have been feeling like I wanted to get off for some time, but thought I could hang on until March but despite the fact I know they are helping, I worry about the damage they are doing as well. The killing of all things good flora, the sun damage, and building resistance to a pretty powerful antibiotic when there aren't many I can take (I am allergic to more abx than I actually can take)...but the latest *burn* put me over the edge. OK, that and the fact I feel like I have a pint of glass shards in my gut...its not worth it anymore when I know there are herbal alternatives out there. I also know that some of these alternatives work as well, if not better than abx.

So I stopped.

Eeep!

I am not sorry I took them as I do believe they helped, and jump-started my body into doing what it could not do before. It also put me back into a remission, which I will take. I talked with Hubby and though I think we both have the same fear, of me having another relapse as every time I do it tends to be much worse than the one before, when do you decide the benefits outweigh the the risks/side effects...

Dr. MoW did say if the photosensitivity got to be too much, I should go off...so I am not 'going behind his back', and I am following up with a good herbal protocol. He is definitely putting me on the LDN and I will hear from him on or before the 12th. I have decided to do the combo of Olive Leaf/Artemesium/Cat's Claw and I am starting on a slightly lower dose and working my way up to a higher doseage. I will also be needing to do the super-dilligent thing with my diet, as I can't 'fall back' on the fact that I am on abx anymore, I need to switch into workig-with-my-body mode.

Natural remedies work differently with your body than 'drugs' do, and I have always been into the natural approach as I believe in helping your body do its own thing. I am actually relieved to get back onto a Path of healing I am far more comfortable and it actually led me in a funny direction...

I started a correspondance Herbal Study course a little over a year ago. I have 2 years to complete it in order to be 'certified', which I can then add to my basket that is All Things Holistic Counselor. I have yet to submit an assignment. I had a relapse shortly after signing up and that postponed things a bit...got better...then had another relapse...and here I am again. Just got a letter from my 'teacher' saying I needed to sh*t or get off the pot (I am paraphrasing here...she was a wee bit nicer, but I like to swear ;)) Interestingly, I am starting on a new herbal protocol. Now, I am currently taking 3 herbs, 2 of which I take in pill form. Problem with that is I have pretty bad malabsorption issues so digesting capsules is sketchy at best. I was thinking 'Gee, it would be great to have these herbs in tincture form'...guess what one of my assignments is? So, here I come...a full circle of sorts, life leading me back to where I need to be.

So, I guess I will be working on my Herbalist course. Good thing I will have some down time coming up...

Today is my appointment with my Sports Med. Doc. I heart him tons as he runs, works with runners, and gets that telling a runner not to run is a Very Bad Idea. He mentioned to me last year about doing the Synvisc injections in my knees, and I balked at him and ran screaming from the room. Well, now that I am completely unable to run(or ski for that matter) without knee pain in both knees tells me its time. Gah. Everything I have read and heard sings the praises of this treatment as a miracle cure and definitely postpones the worse evil, which is surgery, which I know I am looking at eventually as no one in my family has their own knees and they AREN'T runners...so anything I can do to prolong/prevent that is cool with me.

I figure now is a good time since I have nothing I really WANT to do before oh, say...May...though there are races before then and I certianly could be enticed into doing them, the one I am really looking forward to isn't until late May which gives me plenty of time to deal with this and recover. It would be an injection per week(3 total) per knee and they only do one knee at a time. So, that is 6 weeks of 'taking it easy' at least a few days each week. If he starts next week, that puts me at the end of March to be cleared to train again. Plenty of time to get ready for May! That also gives me a window of time to get my herbal stuff underway as well as the LDN...and even get my dental woes dealt with(that is a separate post entirely...ouch)

Sooooo....I guess I am ok with it all...whatever It All is. As I sit here with my nose peeling from my eleventy-billionth sunburn this winter, I know all things will play out as they should and it will all be good. :)

InJoy...

1-1-11 Frosty First Frozen Fat Ass 50k...or something like that :)

2011-01-01T16:15:00.000-05:00

Well, the Frosty went off without a hitch :) We all (all 4 of us) headed out at midnight for out 4 loops. I had driven the course earlier in the day so I knew what to expect and what to warn people of. The 'snow sections' were not bad at all, and made for an interesting distraction. The weather was as perfect as a night in January could be with mostly clear skies and temps in the high 30's. We had set up an aid station in the garage with the usual Ultra fare, plus some veggie stew. As we were gearing up to head out, a last minute entry arrived which was very cool (and became even more cool one I realized just how speedy our new pal Mark was, as he would have been slowed down painfully if he had to stay with KZ and I) We (or maybe it was just KZ and I) were lamenting how we didn't know WHO the rocket scientist was that thought it would be a good idea to run at midnight was, but we were darn near ready to beat her about the head...then go to bed ;) But, being the crazies we are, ended up going out and running instead.

We all headed out on our first lap together so everyone could learn the course. Despite a headwind that lasted about a mile (then smacked you for the last .5 of each loop) it was great. After the first loop, the 2 speedier dudes took off never to be seen again until they almost lapped us at the end :)

I felt great for the first loop and a half, after which my knees really started to swear at me in several languages. KZ was kind enough to share his motrin with me at the halfway point making the next 2 laps much more plesant knee-wise. But...then my stomach decided to revolt. Ugh! It was an odd revolt though, one I had not experienced before and I wasn't sure WTF was going on, but it pretty much rendered me unable to eat much of anything at a time it would have been helpful to do so. Switching to plain water and trying to eat ginger periodically helped some, but it was an uncomfortable lump of miles there...

I was in good company, I will say. As always, KZ and I have the established understanding after havig run many a mile together whereby we can spend time chatting, waxing philosophic and being silent very comfortably with each other. This is an important skill set in Ultras, particularly if you are going to spend MANY hours together as you definitely go many places during these types of runs. Its cool to be able to do that along side a friend. I don't know many other people I could run with for that long :)

We zipped through the aid station for the last time as I warned KZ that I was not dilly-dallying as I just wanted to get this done. I kew it would be light soon and though I was looking forward to the sunrise, I was also starting to feel the fact we had been up all night. Towards the last few miles, I had to keep telling myself why it would NOT be wise to *just close my eyes for a couple minutes*...I also thought my kidneys were doing bad things but later realized that it was just muscle soreness in my back (you were right, K)

Though I ended up running slower than I anticipated, it was overall a great run and a great time had! I had anticipated doing somewhere in the vicintity of 6:30 and it ended up being something in the neighborhood of 7:40ish which I am hoping means I will recover quicker as I didn't really overdo it. Other than some expected stiffness, post-coma-nap I am feeling pretty good. The speedy dudes finished in the neighborhood of 5:45ish and almost lapped us as we were heading out for our final lap as they were sprinting to the finish(yes, they were indeed sprinting after running 32 miles...) Bottom line, I do believe a good time was had by all and by golly I actually fiished an Ultra I set out to do. I started 2011 with an Ultra, and I am pretty darn happy about that. :) I am thinking ahead to next NYE and doing the Frosty again...I am thinking a trail version :)

Thanks to KZ, Mark and Jeff for coming out and gettin' your run on with me and a big congrats going out to Mark for completing hin first Ultra distance race! You are going to be a force to be recconed with, methinks :)

I am made of smaht.

2010-12-31T09:54:00.001-05:00

Yep. Someday I will learn. But, that day is not today...and is DEFINITELY not tomorrow :)

Apparently, ramping up your miles from 25-30, to 50+ in a 2 week span of time isn't the best choice when your body is not that fond of *stress* to begin with. I came to a SCREECHING halt yesterday, ate my weight in carbs and slept off and on all day(well, dozed is more like it...I do have young children who like to whisper loudly things like 'Can I have a piece of gum' while you are trying to steal a few minutes of zzz's...)Hello, clear message that something is awry...

I am sure it is several things. I am not a particularly consistant person, unless it concerns all things obsessing then I am VERY consistant, but I digress...I am a type A person with OCD and ADD all rolled into one. :) So, that means I like to do lots of things all the time and I am easily distracted, and I make lists. Lots of them. Therefor, I am actually typically scattered and somewhat unorgaized, causing mass chaos in my world. Eh, its how I roll :)

But, what this all means is I need to slow down and really pay attention. No distractions, no chaos, no lists. I get distracted by the excitement of running, and forget that it wasn't that long ago I could barely run at all. I forget that there are still days that are rough, I am still on choke-a-horse amounts of abx, extremely photo sensitive(and getting a sunbun, which I have repeatedly done now, actually makes me sun-sick) allergy-reactive, and can very easily put myself into a crash state by being an idiot, which I am SUPER good at :)

Yes, my numbers are going up, and according to my latest labs, all is well with my liver et al. This also means I can start the LDN, which, if all goes as planned, will be the kick in the ass my immune system needs to start doing what it is designed to do. HOWEVER, this is not without a week of adjusting, and several weeks thereafter of time needed for my body to realize what the heck is going on. Could be a month before I notice any chages. In the mean time, I need to take care of myself and not do anything stupid...like try to run 30+ mile training weekends when I haven't been doing that kind of running for months...

Yeah, I need to back up a bit. There is a reason *they* say not to increase your distance by more than 5% a week...I seemed to have slipped a zero in there somehow... :) I am sure that is why my knee issues have come to the head of the class so angrily...but, I am still going to see my other favorite Dr. M, the Sports Med Guy. He wanted me to do Synvisc injections **(made by Hubby's company...cool, no?)last year and I told him no. He said come back when I am ready. Guess its time...I figure now would be good as there is some time you have to take it easy and this would force me to do just that. This, along with the whole dental debacle I still need to finish should slow me down quite nicely :) I can then totally focus on my health, while running a REASONABLE amount of miles and come spring...I should be good. Maybe not ready for an Ultra any longer than a 50K, but you know what? That's ok. I will look at some fall Ultras. Or, who knows...maybe I will be ok to do some late spring/early summer deals...time will tell. The races aren't going anywhere, the trails and roads are not going anywhere, they will still be there when I am ready.

For now, I am going out/coming in with a bang and doing 50k tonite at midnight. Probably not the best choice, but I am already geared up and ready to go. It won't be fast, that's for sure, but it will be what it is and I will enjoy every minute of it!

**For those of you who are info-whores like me, here is a link to my knee issues...for obvious reasons, surgery will be my LAST resort and hopefully I can put it off for many years http://orthopedics.about.com/cs/patelladisorders/a/chondromalacia.htm this is how it all started, but has advanced beyond that due to genetics, running and I am sure the Lyme didn't help since my knees were one of the joints affected. It is now osteoarthritis, aka old lady knees :)
This is the procedure/product- http://synviscone.com/about/treatment.aspx The whole needle thing TOTALLY freaks me out(don't laugh) but maybe if I don't look...*shudders*

Happy Holidays

2010-12-27T09:24:00.000-05:00

Had a super weekend of running and Holiday goodness!

Friday, Hubby had the day off which afforded me the opportunity to get my long run done for the weekend. Good choice as it was the nicest of the 3 days. I decided to do my 17 mile route. I very much enjoy this route, though I often curse myself at the end when I hit the last 4 miles of which 3.5 are uphill. The rest of the route is rolling hills on country roads with limitted traffic. Perfect. (well, sans that last 4m of which 2 are on a busy-ish road...but I digress...)I wasn't sure what would become of this run as I have not run a training run of that length since mid August. Saturday I headed out for a nice 7.5 miler, and then yesterday was my favorite 11 miler. (I have a lot of favorite runs, no? Heh, most of my routes are favorites)

Mid August...That's over 4 months ago. Wow. Granted, I did do 2 marathon length races in November but those were definitely fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants runs as I do not do well in races I have not trained for. I did ok, not the best and probably not what I would have done had I ACTUALLY been able to train but I got out there and did what I could. It was good.

To be able to do one of my old regular training long runs? Priceless. :)

This has been a tough year health-wise. It started off ok, declined to sketchy by May and spiraled out of control by summer's end. I really was not sure what was to become of me this past fall when I truly felt worse than I think I have ever felt. Every relapse seems worse than the last and this one was no different. I was afraid I would not be able to run again. I was afraid I would not be able to be the wife and mother I so wanted to be. I was simply afraid I would never get or be healthy again.

Then I found my wonderful Immunologist. :) I do believe he saved my life. I should really tell him that. :)

It was rough, that first month or so. But to be where I am now is the greatest gift I could have gotten this Holiday season. I have gotten my *self* back, I can be that mom/wife, I can play with my kids, go up and ski for hours, and...I can run. Not only can I run, but I can run far. I know that right now I am in a precarious place. I am not *cured* but I am getting better. I know that I am not out of the woods, but can see the light. I know that I still have a bit of a trail ahead of me, but I am hoping that it will NEVER be as bad as it has been.

I have races planned for this year but the reality is I am simply going to wing it. I am so thrilled to be running and recovering (and not eating fish anymore...sounds silly but...gah, it was a moral dilema!) It just feels great to be back doing what I love in ALL areas of my life. I have wasted alot of years of my life doing things I probably shouldn't have been doing, but it got me to where I am today. I do not want to waste any more time not doing what I love, embracing life, and enjoying each and every moment.

1-1-11 is the date of my Frozen Fat Ass. I have no idea if anyone will even show up. Its hard, its a busy time of year, post holiday, etc...but at 12:00 midnight I will head out for my first Ultramarathon of the year, a 50k, which I will finish. I may be alone, but that's ok. I did not finish any Ultra distances that I set out to do in 2010. Understandably, I dropped down in 2, got pulled out of one, and just could not finish others. It wasn't my year. 2011 will be different. Starting on the very first day.

Winter. Snow. Bring it on!

2010-12-23T10:09:00.000-05:00

First REAL run in the snow this morning! Could have used my YakTrax but it was nice nonetheless. There was an almost full moon meaning I did not need my light (unless a car came) despite the *haze* of clouds as it was snowing lightly. I am going to put screws in an old pair of sneakers as well, for times when YakTrax may be overkill. I was fine without anything this morning, but the snow did slow me way down and required quite a bit of effort on the last hill home :)

Saw my FAVORITE immunologist yesterday. He is quite pleased with my progress (as am I) and my CD57 is up to 52!!! This is still way below normal, but a huge jump for me as it was 19-20. This is definitely a sign that the antibiotics are working and this was the right course of action. The current plan is to keep me on the antibiotics until March as long as my liver is ok. Weaning off then would be excellent as with the nicer weather coming, I do not want to have to continue to avoid the sun(which, even in the winter is not going so well...hi, I have to use aloe on my sunburn in December...) The plan is to retest my CD57 level in February to see how its doing. I told him I do have a plan for an herbal 'protocol' to get me through the summer, as hopefully the abx will have jump started things enough that I won't need another 6mo of them. In the mean time, we discussed the LDN(Low dose Naltrexone) option, which he is very much considering. He wanted to wait until my labs came back to be sure everything else is ok(read- my liver) and then add this to the mix. This drug has shown HUGE success in revamping immune systems in those whose immune systems have decided to go out for coffee and never come back. The idea being that while I am still on the abx, the LDN can start getting my body to do what it should be doing so that when I stop the abx, I won't crash.

It is entirely possible that the abx are only masking the problem, giving me a false sense of well. This would mean as soon as I wean off...I could be back where I was. Obviously, we don't want that. He knows I don't want to be on abx long term either, despite the fact I feel so much better. Eventually they will stop working once my body builds enough resistance and we would like to avoid that. This LDN could very well be the answer to that issue. There are NO known side effects past the first week. It is an extremely small dose and though it takes a couple weeks to be in full affect, once it is you are golden. A side benefit is that it helps ALL autoimmune disorders, and could very well halt/improve my Hashimoto's as well(thyroid condition)
You can read more about LDN here if you are interested :) http://www.lowdosenaltrexone.org/index.htm#Cautionary_warnings

I did get hit with a SLOW DOWN 2x4 yesterday... :) Started to feel sketchy, and today despite a good run I am lazy with fatigue. Sigh. I know I need to listen to these signs and I will. I would love to just plow through this but I won't. I will slow down a bit and try to pace myself. Sheesh, there is just so much I want to do though! :)

I am planning my long run for tomorrow morning and some medium runs over the weekend. I know there will be some skiing in there as well, and possibly a nap or 2 :) I am shooting for about 15 miles tomorrow, knowing that next weekend will be 32 so I am not going to bump it up more than that. Then...I really need to talk to the Sport Med guy about my knees...gah, I don't want to deal with them but if I don't I could have bigger issues and everything I have read/heard says there is very little down time and I will be running pain-free (which I cannot imagine since I don't ever run pain free, lol) pretty quickly thereafter.

Either that or get me a Sugar Daddy who will keep me in supply of Hoka's... :)

Just waiting for the snow...

2010-12-19T09:44:00.000-05:00

I tested out my Fat Ass route the other night and other than falling twice (on the ROAD mind you...) it is pretty nice. It is my favorite 8m loop under normal circumstances. Good amount of hills, nice views, country roads, windmills, views of the mountain...course we won't see much while running in the middle of the night, lol. Also, someone pointed out to me that the run is 1/1/11! How cool is that? Way cool for the, oh, 2 of us that plan on running it, lol.

So, I decided to take a chance and simply add on to my test run and ended up running 15 miles the other night. Other than my most recent races, this is the longest trainig run I have done and I will say, sans some foot and knee issues I have been having(Lyme arthritis related) I felt pretty darn good. I was doing 11 min miles and could have kept on running if it weren't for the fact I was wet and getting cold(my hair was a mass of ice) I always TRY to train slower than that but...eh, when I am feeling good I tend to be a 10 min miler. This 11 min pace was me trying to slow down, :). I figure I should probably run how I feel and forget about the time.

Got up saturday morning and ran another 6.5 and I have 9 on the agenda for this morning...that will have me topping out over 50 miles for the week. Oh HELL yeah! I am SO unbelievably thrilled about this as I am feeling good, recovering well, and able to put in the miles. I am still cautiously optomistic, but feel like if I can keep this up, I may actually have a shot at getting some Ultras DONE this year. This will thrill me to NO end! :) I am very much looking forward to the 50k NYE, let me tell you.

So, I am back to vegan and adding back in the raw goods. I have been eating more greens and seem to be ok. I still have to be super careful about allergens as I seem to be very sensitive still. Smoothies are back on the menu, and I am eating lots of seeds and drinking Chia water...though I mocked someone for drinking it, I am now eating shoe as I absolutely LOVE IT!!! Not totally raw, but I would say 75%. I was hoping to be able to eat beans/legumes but they still seem to be an issue...I am not giving up though as I LOVE me some Dal and Kicheree!!! Still doing small amounts of rustic grains as well.

Can't wait for the REAL snow to come! I love running in the snow. Plus I really want ot use my snowshoes this year. I have been up skiing, though my knees are not loving it, I go in short bursts. I have genetically bad knees, but the Lyme arthritis has really taken its toll as well. I am supposed to have a *procedure* done for my knees but there really is no good time for it AND I am a bit leary about putting anything foriegn into my body now that I am feeling ok, as it could cause a reaction/relapse which I would like to avoid, thankyouverymuch. So, I simply have to adjust my running, maybe spend more time on the trails, and go from there.

OK, the time has come...got to hit the road then its off to Nana's house for Nana Xmas :)

Raw~Vegan~Runner

Me. Unabridged.

Frankenfoods.

Eat for Life

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is...

Streak...busted.

There's trouble afoot...

Brain Dump.

A different sort of post...

Success...in baby steps.

Here I go again... :)

Frosty First Frozen Fat Ass 50k...or so.

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is...

Check it out :)

...and a happy new year...

Baby its cold outside!

Just when I was about to get my knickers in a twist...

Thoughts...I have them.

Things Made-of-Win

Musings and a personal challenge...

Splitting the difference.

The Logic...it escapes me. Often.

Thoughts on running and autoimmune *stuff*...

A twofer :)

VT50...K

Relief...of sorts.

Concerns...I have 'em.

Good News Abounds...

Pushing the needle too far...

TARC 12 hour Race Report

No, I am not really a snob.

How's about a little race report? :)

Mmmm...Taper.

Well...seems I have been MIA...

How 'bout a race report? :)

I should really update more... :)

Wherein I completely revamp my diet.

Update...since its been a while.

Thinking...and thoughts.

Spring has sprung. Finally!

Feelin' Groovy...

Update

Back in the game :)

There are changes afoot...

Somebody's ears were burning...

Apparently I have been dumped.

Daylight Savings and my life in limbo.

As they filter in...

Thanks Slow and Steady! :)

Slowly, slowy said the sloth...

Dr. MoW really is made-of-win.

Well.

Benadryl. My new BFF.

Done.

Just another day in the life...

Less y'all think I fell off the planet...

Well.

Its like running through the forest. At night. Without a headlamp.

Info for me to remember...

Slow down, cowboy...

The race set before me...

Keeping track...

Healing.

3 weeks.

Week 2 ...nothing to show here...

What a week.

Sleeeeeeeppppppp......

I know the Ultra Peeps will understand...well, most of ya :)

Day One.

Sigh...what a week (or so) it has been.

2011. The year of WIN!

2 Posts Today! aka I have to get this down or else I will forget.

Executive Decision.

1-1-11 Frosty First Frozen Fat Ass 50k...or something like that :)

I am made of smaht.

Happy Holidays

Winter. Snow. Bring it on!

Just waiting for the snow...

Thoughts on running and autoimmune stuff...