I read an awesome post from a dear friend where she described, in a nutshell, needing to do another loop in, well, races, and life. Someties when you are dying and just want to quit, doing *one more loop* can change things dramatically. Well, I agreed with her, but I also feel like sometimes you need to do a different loop...and that is what I need to do.
Those that know me in real life know this has been a VERY difficult time as of late. Emotionally, physically, personally...its just been a LOT. I have tried to keep everything together but...well, we know how that goes. There is only so much you can do and something has to give, some things need to fall by the wayside...and decisions need to be made....
I went for a longish run on the mountain today in the snow. It was absolutely beautiful...peaceful, quiet, and reminded me of all the times I have gone to the woods in my life when I needed to think and find some peace. Today I ran, without knowing about the time, didn't really have a plan as to how far, I just ran. And thought. And cried. Eh, sometimes you need to run and cry, you know?
Well, I made a decision today. I have pulled out of PEAK. I emailed the race director and told him. I am not where I need to be in my training, and for something THAT epic, you need to be in top form both physically AND emotionally and well, I am neither. My training has been suffering and I can't see it getting better for a while, and emotionally...well, that's going to take a while too. Plus, though my health HAS been holding, I know with all the stress, etc I am walking a fine line and to push it so I could train harder/more...eh.
In fact, I am taking the next year off from running races at all. I will pace, if asked, but I am not signing up for any races. I just...need some time to run for me. Not for any race, training, purpose...not for time, miles, etc...just run to run and be.
I am ok with this decision. It takes the pressure off and eliminates stress I just do not need right now. Nevermind the financial investment that was and is involved in doing a race like that...I can't see doing that right now. So...well, there you go.
Maybe 2014...we will see...in the mean time...I will still be logging lots of miles, but for a different reason. And that reason could change daily. And it will be ok.